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Very bad. You need to work on not letting your emotions and anger show. She knows you care now. She knows she still has power to upset ypu

Keep it factual. Purely logistical. No nasty little commemts thrown in there.

I wouldnt write stuff like "when you feel comfortable talking" either. It is kind of pathetic sounding. You need tonshow strength and be an alpha (which doesnt mean insults)


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Obviously you need to work out a parenting plan but I would just try to get by until you have your hearing. Remember only contact unless absolutely critical!

I remember going to my EW's apartment early on and attempting to walk into her bedroom and being essentially told to stay out of her room. At one of our kid's games I was joking around and touched her knee and she told me not to again. Really? Coming from someone that I have been with for 17 years and is the mother of my children?

I can stress to you enough on how wound tight they are. Like a CAT 5 hurricane and they are just spinning out of control. Every time you attempt to talk to them, reason with them, make a connection with them, bring up R talk, etc. you are just another town in their path and they will destroy you.

Your best bet is to seek shelter and stay out of the path. Just step aside.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
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Originally Posted By: OrangeK
I will, thanks. We have 1st hearing for D in a week. that will be the first face to face since Jan 24th. I am hoping they give us a temp custody order so there is no more ifs and's or buts about any of this.

Be prepared to handle your emotions. I usually do great when communicating with W on the phone or through texts. I find it a lot harder talking to her in person. A lot of emotions and feeling come flooding back. There's just something about seeing her that makes contact so much different. It's hard to explain. Just be prepared...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
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W moved out: Apr 13,2018
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D final: Sep 2019

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OrangeK Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: JujuB
Very bad. You need to work on not letting your emotions and anger show. She knows you care now. She knows she still has power to upset you

Keep it factual. Purely logistical. No nasty little commemts thrown in there.

I wouldn't write stuff like "when you feel comfortable talking" either. It is kind of pathetic sounding. You need to show strength and be an alpha (which doesn't mean insults)


Can you tell me where you felt my emotions bled through specifically?
What was a nasty comment?
Also good point on the "Comfortable" comment.

The only thing ill say is i dont think she read into it as much as we all are, if i had to guess she already forgot about it. Could I be wrong, if so, why?


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Originally Posted By: mtb1981
Originally Posted By: OrangeK
I will, thanks. We have 1st hearing for D in a week. that will be the first face to face since Jan 24th. I am hoping they give us a temp custody order so there is no more ifs and's or buts about any of this.

Be prepared to handle your emotions. I usually do great when communicating with W on the phone or through texts. I find it a lot harder talking to her in person. A lot of emotions and feeling come flooding back. There's just something about seeing her that makes contact so much different. It's hard to explain. Just be prepared...


My plan is to go in, face the judge, answer questions when asked and go. No eye contact, no glance in her direction, no words spoken.
I will look good, suit and tie, fresh haircut, and have a professional and clean demeanor. No smiles, no frowns, pleasant condor with the judge. Get in, get out. move on with my day.


M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4
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Originally Posted By: OrangeK
Originally Posted By: mtb1981
Originally Posted By: OrangeK
I will, thanks. We have 1st hearing for D in a week. that will be the first face to face since Jan 24th. I am hoping they give us a temp custody order so there is no more ifs and's or buts about any of this.

Be prepared to handle your emotions. I usually do great when communicating with W on the phone or through texts. I find it a lot harder talking to her in person. A lot of emotions and feeling come flooding back. There's just something about seeing her that makes contact so much different. It's hard to explain. Just be prepared...


My plan is to go in, face the judge, answer questions when asked and go. No eye contact, no glance in her direction, no words spoken.
I will look good, suit and tie, fresh haircut, and have a professional and clean demeanor. No smiles, no frowns, pleasant condor with the judge. Get in, get out. move on with my day.


Too bad you can't wear your firefighter's uniform! I think the judge would be swayed by that. But then I get a little passive-aggressive too.


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Originally Posted By: Joseph9


I can stress to you enough on how wound tight they are. Like a CAT 5 hurricane and they are just spinning out of control. Every time you attempt to talk to them, reason with them, make a connection with them, bring up R talk, etc. you are just another town in their path and they will destroy you.



She seems as calm and collected as ever. Throughout all of this she has never shown a fiber of emotion, its hard to believe this has her wound up or stressed out at all.
She only cried once when we were going through all of this and i am certain it was crocodile tears, as they came and went very fast, other than that she has been calm, cold, and emotionless.


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Originally Posted By: Steve85

Too bad you can't wear your firefighter's uniform! I think the judge would be swayed by that. But then I get a little passive-aggressive too.


Yea my town would frown on that. Its known im a firefighter, the financials are in my court documents. The judge can read between the lines.


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Originally Posted By: Steve85


Too bad you can't wear your firefighter's uniform! I think the judge would be swayed by that. But then I get a little passive-aggressive too.


I DO look fresh as hell in my Class A if i do say so myself though.


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Trust me she is not.....you really can't believe how they present themselves in front of you. For example, last night my EW called me honey twice.

I don't sweat that crap any more, it doesn't mean anything but my point is you don't truly know what is going on in their heads.

It's also best to not try to figure it out smile

Also remember there are a lot of things that happen in this world every day to good people. Things happen all the time and friends/family members never know the reason why it happen. Why should you be in different? Why should you be given any more answers to why than anyone else? Remembering this, when I was early in my sitch, helped me with moving on with my life.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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