Advice on my Scenario Pt. 6 - Becoming a Warrior

[OrangeK]

OM should have never been mentioned. He's not important. This only involves you, W, and S. Pretend like he doesn't even exist...

The only reason i brought it up with the fact that he has been introduced to S3 WAYYY earlier than he should have been.

And a little too wordy on the haircut response. You don't need to defend yourself. She's trying to push your buttons. I would have sent another thumbs up...

Noted, thanks.
Why do you say shes trying to push my buttons?
My sister in law called her antagonistic when i showed her the texts.

[SteveLW]

^^^^^^^^^^^mtb nailed it

OK, this came across as passive-aggressive on your part. You need to keep it business-like. No hidden agendas. State the facts:

Text: Hi, S3 needs some stability to hopefully smooth out the issues he is having at daycare. I'd like to at some point discuss mutual bedtime routines and the like when you feel comfortable discussing.

What you said, or what she likely heard was: Hey, we need to talk about mutual bedtimes for S3 since you are now shacking up and having an affair with OM.

Then you followed up with: Hey, your sex-buddy was introduced way too early in S3's life and you are a rotten mother for doing that!

OK, just a suggestion, you can do whatever you want obviously, but next time you might want to get input before sending the text, like you did before. Just a thought

[OrangeK]

^^^^^^^^^^^mtb nailed it

OK, this came across as passive-aggressive on your part. You need to keep it business-like. No hidden agendas. State the facts:

Text: Hi, S3 needs some stability to hopefully smooth out the issues he is having at daycare. I'd like to at some point discuss mutual bedtime routines and the like when you feel comfortable discussing.

What you said, or what she likely heard was: Hey, we need to talk about mutual bedtimes for S3 since you are now shacking up and having an affair with OM.

Then you followed up with: Hey, your sex-buddy was introduced way too early in S3's life and you are a rotten mother for doing that!

OK, just a suggestion, you can do whatever you want obviously, but next time you might want to get input before sending the text, like you did before. Just a thought

Thanks Steve. I will ask next time before i send to her. Hopefully it will be a long while. I can definitely see what you mean here.

[SteveLW]

^^^^^^^^^^^mtb nailed it

OK, this came across as passive-aggressive on your part. You need to keep it business-like. No hidden agendas. State the facts:

Text: Hi, S3 needs some stability to hopefully smooth out the issues he is having at daycare. I'd like to at some point discuss mutual bedtime routines and the like when you feel comfortable discussing.

What you said, or what she likely heard was: Hey, we need to talk about mutual bedtimes for S3 since you are now shacking up and having an affair with OM.

Then you followed up with: Hey, your sex-buddy was introduced way too early in S3's life and you are a rotten mother for doing that!

OK, just a suggestion, you can do whatever you want obviously, but next time you might want to get input before sending the text, like you did before. Just a thought

Thanks Steve. I will ask next time before i send to her. Hopefully it will be a long while. I can definitely see what you mean here.

No worries. I think in your sitch you are entitled to a little passive-aggressiveness! The problem is that it will hurt you in the long run. Hang in there buddy! We are all rooting for you.

[TBSakaJ9]

O - I have never once discussed bedtime routines or haircuts for my D's with my EW. Who was normally responsible for his haircuts? IMO the only thing worthy of reaching out to your W for in that conversation was the behavioral problems at daycare. Is your S's school aware of your sitch? Not the details but that you and your W are separated? Just so they are aware and keep their eyes open to any changes in him at school.

I agree with what the other have said.

I would only contact her going forward if it is absolutely critical S conversation or financial. Maybe in the future more dialogue can take place but not right now. The emotions are too raw.

My thoughts.

[OrangeK]

O - I have never once discussed bedtime routines or haircuts for my D's with my EW. Who was normally responsible for his haircuts? IMO the only thing worthy of reaching out to your W for in that conversation was the behavioral problems at daycare. Is your S's school aware of your sitch? Not the details but that you and your W are separated? Just so they are aware and keep their eyes open to any changes in him at school.

I agree with what the other have said.

I would only contact her going forward if it is absolutely critical S conversation or financial. Maybe in the future more dialogue can take place but not right now. The emotions are too raw.

My thoughts.

Yes school is aware we are divorcing.
thanks for the input. this is why i post these, so i can do better (or nothing) next time.

[mtb1981]

And a little too wordy on the haircut response. You don't need to defend yourself. She's trying to push your buttons. I would have sent another thumbs up...

Noted, thanks.
Why do you say shes trying to push my buttons?
My sister in law called her antagonistic when i showed her the texts.

She could have just let it go when she said, OK, I'll let her know for his appointment, but instead she came back with, "Good to know you were planning on cutting it short without saying anything, yet i asked you before making any decisions regarding it. have a nice day" Your SIL is right. She is being antagonistic, aka pushing your buttons. She's trying to get a rise out of you with her sarcasm...

[OrangeK]

She could have just let it go when she said, OK, I'll let her know for his appointment, but instead she came back with, "Good to know you were planning on cutting it short without saying anything, yet i asked you before making any decisions regarding it. have a nice day" Your SIL is right. She is being antagonistic, aka pushing your buttons. She's trying to get a rise out of you with her sarcasm...

Good point. Its hard to see through the veil of her BS and my emotions. Its amazing how things that are obvious to others aren't obvious to me until explained to me.

thanks brother.

[TBSakaJ9]

What MTB said is accurate. Truthfully you are in a no win situation with her right now which should really drive home the importance of NC unless absolutely CRITICAL.

My guess is every time she gets a text message from you she just cringes. You really have to leave her be. I think at the height of my EW's anger towards me I might have only contacted her once a week and that was to organize kid drop off. There was literally no other communication and when I did drop the kids off it was high and by. 5 min's in and out.

I can't stress to you enough that you really need to let her be....let her come to you.

[OrangeK]

What MTB said is accurate. Truthfully you are in a no win situation with her right now which should really drive home the importance of NC unless absolutely CRITICAL.

My guess is every time she gets a text message from you she just cringes. You really have to leave her be. I think at the height of my EW's anger towards me I might have only contacted her once a week and that was to organize kid drop off. There was literally no other communication and when I did drop the kids off it was high and by. 5 min's in and out.

I can't stress to you enough that you really need to let her be....let her come to you.

I will, thanks. We have 1st hearing for D in a week. that will be the first face to face since Jan 24th. I am hoping they give us a temp custody order so there is no more ifs and's or buts about any of this.