Songs and Stories From The Far Shore - Verse 5

[AndrewP]

doodler - yes you are too late. And I don't have breath mints. The cats don't seem to care and I am fairly careful about dental hygiene. I do have Fisherman's Friends cough lozenges but I would have had to have used an alternate entrance to get them there on time. And I am sure that the medical team working on me would not have been pleased. Keeping on the good side of people who have access to your unconscious body just seems like smart thinking to me.

kml - There is a strong history of cancer on my mother's side. The one uncle I mentioned at 54 of colon cancer. My own mother went just a few days after her diagnosis around her 64th birthday, another of her brothers with throat cancer and her mother who died in her early 30s of breast cancer.

For my kids there is also a history on their mother's side.

So - I'm back and feeling a bit loopy from the anesthesia. I have no idea of these words are in any intelligible order or not. If I remember the law correctly I now have a 24 hour "hall pass" where any thing I agree to is not binding. I'm also not to drive or drink so driving over to the next village to buy a 6-pack from the store my ex-wife manages and giving her a piece of my mind (the fruit loopy part) is off the agenda.

Everything went smoothly. It really is an assembly line. I think that they appreciated that I was early, organized, did all the pre-work that I needed to do and kept in a good humour. This is I think the 4th one I've had done which given family history isn't a shocker. They did do biopsies this time which they haven't before. I need to make an appt to follow up with my family doctor for about 3 weeks from now when the results will be back.

My oldest brother and his wife were kind enough to ferry me around and I did give them a bit of a tour through the house when they dropped me off. I need new curtains and SIL1 has said she would help. My brother and I also talked about some roofing work I need to have done. They made some nice admiring comments about the property and how I've kept it up. If anyone has comments on the best way to replace a flat roof / balcony that is about 10' X 15' that would be good. Plan A is "hire someone".

I'm hoping to feel well enough to go for a walk later today but may wait until S23 gets home. Lamb stew with left-over biscuits were for lunch. Given that I've not eaten for 30+ hours I'm surprisingly not very hungry.

[doodler]

Keeping on the good side of people who have access to your unconscious body just seems like smart thinking to me.

You're right. And, have I got a story to tell...

So - I'm back and feeling a bit loopy from the anesthesia. I have no idea of these words are in any intelligible order or not.

Nothing you've written is intelligible, but I understand what you're saying.

Everything went smoothly.

I'm glad it went well. This forum needs you.

It really is an assembly line.

Can you imagine what it must be like to work with a bunch of @ssholes all day?

If anyone has comments on the best way to replace a flat roof / balcony that is about 10' X 15' that would be good. Plan A is "hire someone".

I've never replaced a roof/balcony, but knowing what I know now, I'd do it myself. It'd be fun and then you'd want to continue making improvements. Just start tearing it apart and see how it was originally constructed.

Lamb stew with left-over biscuits were for lunch. Given that I've not eaten for 30+ hours I'm surprisingly not very hungry.

I was married back when I had my colonoscopy. My wife was my chaperone. Afterward, I requested that we go to a local French restaurant for lunch. That leads me to yet another story...

[job]

Andrew,

You may want to reconsider the lamb stew. You may want to try something bland at least for your meal this evening. Your body isn't going to be ready for something like lamb stew just yet.

Glad everything went okay and you are home visiting the forum and no, you do not sound loopy.

[AndrewP]

I was going to wait until late Sunday or Monday before journaling but I'm feeling the itch right now so here goes.

I am grateful for this place where I can be among friends and share my life. In some ways it fills the spot that in part my ex fulfilled for me. Someone to listen to and validate and to talk to and explore issues. And here I don't have to manage around a pile of your dirty clothes tossed into the bathtub

Another Father's Day is coming up on Sunday. No clue what if anything S23 may have in mind. Like his mother, he's not a very good planner leaving things to the last minute and not especially focused on "holidays". Hopefully we can get out for some mini-golf (the traditional Father's day event here) or even just to bang a bucket of balls into the pasture. The pub in the village is operating on a regular schedule now so perhaps we'll go there for brunch. I have a backup plan of grilling some nice steaks for dinner on Sunday. Going to do a meatloaf tonight (and yes ladies he "is" single! )

It's also my D25's birthday on Sunday. This coincides with Father's day regularly and we would do Father's day in the morning and her birthday in the afternoon. I sent her a nice card which she actually got on time (I got her Father's day card to me yesterday) and some flowers which sadly arrived without the balloon I'd requested. I need to follow-up with the florist. They've done a good job previously so it was probably just an oversight. I'll double-check my invoice and perhaps ask for a credit as I'm sure I'll use them again.

Work has been going better. I'm feeling like I'm actually getting things lately unlike the way it's felt for quite a long time previously. Two of the senior managers who I've made priorities - because they are very talented and really nice people to boot - have just been promoted to President of their relative divisions. Business is slow and the rumblings of trade war has been affecting us. I sent them both congratulatory notes and got a very nice response back where they both appreciated the help I've given them over the years. That was nice and from a more cynical point of view perhaps helps me with job security.

I've been going for walks of various lengths at lunch lately between 1 and 2 miles generally (2 - 4.5km). One of the ladies I'm sweet on at work had suggested joining me this past Thursday but bailed. Even though she gave me the impression earlier that it was just her that wanted to join me, another coworker - who is also a single lady who is perhaps interested in me but the interest isn't mutual - was keen on joining as well and they did go for a walk themselves when I was off-site. Ah well - perhaps a chaperone is appropriate. Perhaps if it does become a group of us trouping around the block at lunch time that will be a good thing for all. I'm still not really keen on the idea of dating people I work with even though that is the traditional way of meeting people and there are several very nice single women of an appropriate age that I work with. The logistics of me living far away plus the prospects of conflict of interest are certainly issues. I am "very" attracted to two particular women that I work with including the one who expressed interest in walking.

The security guard at work I think is still shocked at me being unattached. We were chatting as I was leaving on Friday afternoon and I showed her a picture of my house as she wanted to know where I lived. She expressed appreciation for it as I'm sure such a large house would be perhaps impressive to someone who lives in the city where even a small condo is an accomplishment. I do smile thinking of her talking to her friends about "this great guy who is single and has a nice house and job". She itches to be a match-maker between me and the available women in her ethnic community I think. I have no issues in dating outside my own very white ethnic group even though it would perhaps raise eyebrows in my village. Which I would also find amusing. Overt racism I think is pretty much dead even in this rural area but there is I'm sure still a bit of an undercurrent.

Good news on the house front. I reached out via Facebook to see about getting the ancient roof on my front porch replaced and got an estimate for "cash payment" that is within what I can afford. It was dropped off yesterday. I talked to S23 about it and he reminded me that I should get multiple estimates so I wrote to the contractor thanking him, letting him know that I was waiting on another price (which I then asked someone else for), for 2 references and said that I would make a decision by the end of next week.

S23 was disturbed on Thursday by what we are now calling our "ghost". Someone was by the house on Thursday and when he got home from his current job-site there was a mostly empty cup of coffee in a take-away cup on the side porch step. It seemed to disturb him quite a bit and we speculated that it might have been the same ghost that broke one of our wine bottles and then partly tidied up a couple of months ago (that I presume we both suspect was his mother). I realized on my way home that it may well have been the roofer with the coffee cup but S23 wasn't buying that. Perhaps it was my ex.

I've been giving her too much head space lately. I've heard that she has the sadz still and is re-posting Facebook memories from 2 years ago when she was - I had presumed - all sad and confused about her path. All indications are that she's still living in her apartment over the liquor store. No clue if she and OM are still a thing or not. They were in April it would seem. I've had an itch to open a window in the old light-house but know that would be a bad thing. I still can't see her being willing or able to do the work necessary to be a person that I would want back in my life. I do suspect it's tough on her though presuming that she still works from time to time at the shop across the street. The peonies that she loved so much and that she said always bloomed in time for her birthday have been magnificent this year. The blooms are now falling off the front bed and her birthday isn't until the end of next week. She'll be 53. She set her foot deliberately upon the path of being "wayward" I feel when celebrating her 50th with her sister.

I filled out one of those silly online Facebook quizzes that asked what sort of woman am I attracted to / attractive to and not all to my surprise I scored "princess". I do have a white knight / rescuer tendency that I'm very aware of. My ex used it to her advantage for our entire relationship which is one of the reasons I need to keep an eye on my tendency to saddle up Rocinante, grab my lance and charge off after the giants. I'm looking forward to the new Terry Gilliam film on the topic. Towards the end of our relationship I was starting to get annoyed because it was very obvious to me that she was taking me and my good nature for granted and I was starting to resent that. She made it very plain though that she preferred OM to me even while seemingly being resistant to letting me go. It is not for me to rescue her. She must face her own demons on her own. She has not asked for my help. I had been thinking that if she were intending on reaching out that sending a Father's day card would have been a reasonable and modest step but I only got one from D25 (S23 will probably not). The fact that even to my outside view that it hasn't worked out with OM is certainly not my problem.

One thing I did find interesting was what someone forwarded to me. When she left she said it was to "escape the noise" and she certainly was subject to a lot of external pressures at that time. She re-posted a meme from 2 years ago on that subject with a fresh comment that she wished people would give her space to find her peace of mind. I was told that instead of the dozens that responded 2 years ago that only 3 did this time and that included none of the people who used to be close friends of her's. She's seemingly isolated except from the "noise". Even though her actions were in hindsight consistent with her core personality I still can't help but feel that there's something "broken" in her. Peri-menopause was very very tough on her.

Well - time to get my day fully started. Rocinante is waiting to carry me through my day. A fresh haircut today, banking (my hopes of fresh baking get reduced regularly), flowers, groceries etc. I'm thinking of stopping at the local winery and picking up some new wine and cider to try - hopefully the ghost won't break those bottles.

[DnJ]

I learn at least one thing everyday. Rocinante. Had no idea. Had to look it up. I should just read that book already.

I have been following along and see your procedure went well. I was wanting to chime in, but doodler had it covered.

Anonther ghost story - interesting. It is a shame we shall probably never know the true cause. Protect those bottles from the spectre.

I do agree with your points about dating within the work place. That is one minefield you would need to consider entering very carefully.

I hope you have a great Fathers Day tomorrow. Do not worry about S23. My D16 was asking to go shopping with her friend for the entire day. I remindered her about Fathers Day and perhaps that the other kids were doing something. She later cancelled her plans. Ah yes, the self involved teenager in its natural habitat, and their piles of clothes to walk around.

Take care.

[exquisitetobe]

I love your ghost stories.. wanna know if it' s your ex? Bait her with her favorite bottle that you just happen to have under surveillance (cam) lol

Your bank lady need to be a person of her words. Maybe she would be if she was casually invited for some grilled steak? I know you would get a pie from me if i was the bank lady.

Maybe the ladies hear of you buying flowers every week and presume you have a love interest.

You have a huge heart. You have a good look on life. You inspire many . You are well surrounded.

I agree with you about this site. We become family in a way. We want what is best for eachother and we appreciate the help we receive.

have a HAPPY FATHERS day !
You are a great father, a great friend, an amazing catch! (Lol.. you saw my fishing stories.. you are a way better catch then that) lol

((( andrew )))

[doodler]

Bait her with her favorite bottle...

AndrewP,

I knew a guy that, back when he was in high school, went on a cruise with one of his wealthy friends (along with his friend's parents). One evening there was a ship-wide party and the boys were out on one of the decks and they decided to pee in an empty champagne bottle. (What else would a teenage guy do with an empty champagne bottle?) A short time later, a drunk guy stumbled onto the deck so they offered him the "champagne." The guy took the bottle and turned it up and took a huge swig. Then he looked at the boys, and he was clearly unhappy with them, and he said, "You boys gave me warm champagne!" Then he chucked the bottle overboard.

I'm not suggesting that you and your son refill a wine bottle, I'm just relaying a funny story. But hey...

[AndrewP]

It's hot enough to boil a monkey's bum outside today so I'm skipping my usual lunch time walk.

Thanks for the visits everyone. I actually disconnected the last camera a month or so ago so have no way to tell about any ghostly visitors. I'm pretty sure though that my ex wasn't the most recent one and tbh would be very surprised if she sets foot on the property again. Even on the very rare occasions when she picks up S23 she parks on the far side of the road and waits for him there.

Father's day was a non-event. I got a text from D26 as she was heading off on her own adventures for her birthday. S23 was in bed until about 2 pm (he keeps weird hours). I went for an extra long walk in the morning, got barked at by some dogs and had lunch with a friend.

No card from S23 (no surprise) but he did remember to say "Happy Father's Day". I BBQd some steaks for our dinner and we shared a bottle of cider. The rest of the wine is sitting on it's side on a shelf in the cellar - less likely to tip over. I'd hoped to go on some sort of father/son adventure but other than helping him find some random pieces of hardware in the workshop that he needed to hook up his air-conditioner that didn't happen.

I will confess that I was somewhat disappointed to not get a card from my ex. But then again she never did use to give me a Father's day card. I need to examine my feelings about her and why I still have the urge to rescue and protect her.

Speculating here, but I think that in many ways we are both "stuck" in lives that neither of us wanted. Neither of us have really "moved on". Me because I'm not quite ready and also for lack of motivation or opportunity. Her - I don't know why.

It does make me vulnerable to her I know. And I don't know how I feel about that. I keep expecting her to circle around and it keeps not happening. At one point I was stuck on the idea that she was happier alone than with me but have come to realize that none of what happened was about me. She did not run "away" but rather "to" and to a place that she has perhaps not arrived at. I think it is reasonable to believe that living alone with her elderly incontinent dog above a liquor store wasn't in her list of life plans. Depending on how she's using the money I've been sending her she could certainly be having lots of adventures and stuff.

The way in which she walked away from me, our life, our home and even her own children continues to baffle me. But I know from others' stories that this happens. It's not as if she's got some new shiny life either. It's more like she's sitting in a bucket at least from the poor outside view I have.

I still haven't gotten up the nerve to ask anyone else out. The teller at the bank wasn't in this past Saturday either so still no fresh baking. Fortunately I'm not starving to death. It was odd though since she'd said last week that she would be there. Stuff perhaps happened.

Part of what is holding me back is the fact that when I do start dating someone it will be with the intention of forming a relationship. Like many of us, I'm both still somewhat shell-shocked and also worried about making the wrong choices.

I feel like I'm in a bizarre anteroom of limbo. No new hurts are coming my way and I'm protected by my isolation. I'm not actually in limbo but perhaps a sort of purgatory (for the biblical types out there). I know where the door is and even have a pretty clear idea on what is on the other side of it. But my time here is not as yet done.

[Vanilla]

The only thing I can say is start by dating.

Just dating. And if R happens it does.

That means, you have to spit the flirty lady signals. You Do know that 75% of all approaches are initially made by the fairer sex don't you? But then you as a guy have to ASK!

V

[Vanilla]

Spot not spit.

V