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Hey Jim - There is also some stuff out there that talks about the fantasy of your ex as well. That could be beneficial also.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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Jim, now I see your update. Interesting that your wife has family overseas. Was she born overseas? You may not want to share and it may not matter but I wonder if where she comes from has any impact on how she handles problems and whether it made any difference in her decision to file for divorce. I hope you will continue to make it through this and find someone new if your wife doesn't come around. This stage of waiting and being alone isn't fun in any way.

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Originally Posted By: Joseph9
Hey Jim - There is also some stuff out there that talks about the fantasy of your ex as well. That could be beneficial also.


I'll look them up. Thanks!

Originally Posted By: NicoleR
Jim, now I see your update. Interesting that your wife has family overseas. Was she born overseas? You may not want to share and it may not matter but I wonder if where she comes from has any impact on how she handles problems and whether it made any difference in her decision to file for divorce. I hope you will continue to make it through this and find someone new if your wife doesn't come around. This stage of waiting and being alone isn't fun in any way.


She's from England, so there isn't the same cultural difference as in your sitch.

In many ways this time [censored], but I've tried to make the most of it. I go out a lot more, with friends and with dates, to ballgames, movies, dinners, lunches, concerts..... I've started playing competitive volleyball again, a lot more golf, going to museums, travelling.... it's not all bad.


M:23 T:26
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S:18
D:16
filed 7/16
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Maybe I'm starting to get some distance after all.

I saw W last night at D16's swim meet. I was selling 50/50 raffle tickets, and kept walking by her. We'd talk a little bit when I'd walk by about D16 and her mom, who just had a car accident.

At the end of the meet, she surprised me by asking when we were going to meet with the mediator to finalize the separation agreement. That's the first time she's shown any inclination to move the mediation forward. I felt strangely dispassionate about it.

I'm not saying "I am over my W" by any means, but I do feel like maybe I'm finally moving down that path.


M:23 T:26
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S:18
D:16
filed 7/16
W moved out 4/28/17
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J - I know when my EW told me she was ready to move forward with D I initially felt that pit in my stomach but after a couple of days it felt like the clouds parted and the sun was shining. I don't know if you are ever ready but their is some relief especially if you have been in limbo for a long period of time such as ourselves.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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Originally Posted by Joseph9
J - I know when my EW told me she was ready to move forward with D I initially felt that pit in my stomach but after a couple of days it felt like the clouds parted and the sun was shining. I don't know if you are ever ready but their is some relief especially if you have been in limbo for a long period of time such as ourselves.


The clouds haven't parted quite yet, but the forecast is good. I'm certainly better than I was a year ago, and now I can at least see the possibility of better days ahead.



There have been some strange goings on around here, and I was hoping for some thoughts from the community.....

My kids and I were on vacation at my parents' cabin. They came home a day or two before me. When I came home, my bed was not the same as I left it.... It's an adjustable bed, and the foot was raised slightly, the things that I decided not to take with me were still on the bed, but not quiiiiiite in the same place as where I left them, and the comforter was sideways.

I don't have a TV in my room anymore, so no one would be climbing into my bed to watch. Initially I thought, "WTF???? Is one of the kids (16 and 18) having sex in my bed?????" I texted W about it. She replied saying she talked to the kids and they don't know anything about it. Of course they would, so that went nowhere.

But when I pulled the covers back that night, an expensive family ring given to W and since returned by her was squarely in the center of the bed. She loved that ring. Someone had to rummage through my room to find it.

A few days later, I discovered a large egress window in our basement had been left wide open, for at least a week.

A few days later, I came home after being away overnight to find the desktop computer, that isn't used anymore, was on. Whoever had turned it on also shut it down, but they walked away before they realized the process hung up on open programs and it never shut down. The program left open was the address book that she had asked me if she could come over and copy. I said she could do it any time she wanted, but here was obvious proof that she came over when I was out and did it without asking, very sneakily.

Now I'm thinking the bed thing wasn't the kids at all, especially with the ring in the middle of the bed. But WTF????

I saw her Thursday at a swim meet. She sat with me the whole time, and it was nice, but I didn't mention any of this, and neither did she. I'm not obsessing over this, but I just think it's bizarre.

Any thoughts?


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S:18
D:16
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Jim... It was a ghost. Your house is haunted. Call a priest immediately...

Just kidding. That is very strange though. At this point, I would just ask her if she was responsible for any of it. Is she in need of money? It could be that she rummaged through your stuff and found the ring. Then wanted to look under the matress (common hiding place for cash). Left the ring on the bed when she was putting everything back together and forgot about it. I don't know. I'm just spitballing here. Also, my W is a broke drug addict, so I guess this is how I would see things play out in my sitch...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

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Jim, get a home security cam and hook it up. At least you can rule out the ghost theory or confirm it, lol. But going thru your stuff is not OK, and doing so without you knowing about it is invading your privacy, she will I think deny it if you ask her. But is she the kind that would enter and leave by the basement window?

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Jim, I had meant to respond to this. I don't understand it. Why would your wife need to break into your house? If you offered for her to take that address book I don't see why she'd need to climb through a window in the basement to get it....or lay in your bed! Where does the divorce currently stand? I wonder what she's thinking about that made her do this. That doesn't seem like something a mentally healthy person would do. Plus you don't know what else she was spying on or trying to find. I'm sure she won't steal from you or do anything like that, but still, that doesn't make sense. I did enter our house one time and took a quick look around in January but I used the key and I didn't lay in the bed or search through my husband's stuff. Perhaps it's best just to leave it be, but maybe a window lock isn't a bad idea!

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Arsh, MTB, and Nicole, I have no idea what happened. I'm not even sure it was W. I think you are all as mystified as I am. I doubt she came in through the window (she's no longer limber enough), and she knows where the key is. But why would the ring be in the bed??????

Got back last night from college orientation with S18. W drove us to the airport and then home. The drives were pleasant, and much like old times.

Today is a bad one, though. I got an email regarding paperwork for college, and on it was W's address as S18's home. I don't know why, but that hit me kind of hard.

Then W sent me a text letting me know some friends were getting together at a pub tonight. I'm not reading anything in to it, but I admit I'm confused.

I don't really know whether I should go, and remind her of how much we enjoyed each other's company, or not go, making her wonder what else I had going on, and let her know I'm not just sitting around pining away for her.

Oh, Nicole, when W asked me to schedule another mediation session, we never heard back from the mediator. I just sent her another email and she wrote back immediately that I should call her to schedule. I think this should be the final mediation session, and we should have a separation agreement at the end of it. Part of me says to finish this and move on, and part says to give her "just a little more time."


M:23 T:26
Me:53, Wife: 60
S:18
D:16
filed 7/16
W moved out 4/28/17
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