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Originally Posted By: Maika
no point in communicating to the W and making a last stand. It's not going to go over well, you already know it.


I know. And I will just keep my mouth shut.

thanks for reminding me.


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Jim....TBH I thought about doing the same thing with my EW. One last stand, one last plea, one last are you sure, yada, yada, yada but in then in opted not to.

I just kept reminding myself to hold the line, she started this and she can end it. I reminded myself that I won't chase her, I won't pursue her and if this is what she wants then I will give it to her.

For me, letting her go, was my ultimate gift of love.

Hold the line.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
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Jim, sorry brother. I know this is not where you want to be. Remember Andy Dufresne from Shawshank Redemption? Dude had to crawl through 500 yards of the foulest smelling substances to get to where he wants to be.

View the D process as the journey, NOT THE DESTINATION! D may be your sewer pipe that gets you to where you eventually want to be.


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Originally Posted By: Joseph9
letting her go, was my ultimate gift of love.


Boy it's hard to see it that way, but I know what you mean.



Thanks, Steve.


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Originally Posted By: Jim1234
Originally Posted By: Joseph9
letting her go, was my ultimate gift of love.


Boy it's hard to see it that way, but I know what you mean.





You will get there and soon you will come back here and start to help others. Its just a matter of time and listening to the advice given to you, sometimes I believe this site is better than IC.


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Had a good weekend. Went down to Washington. Had a very nice time sightseeing Fri, Sat, came home Sun afternoon. Went to a neighbor's house last night for some beers around the fire pit. Very pleasant.

W has the kids. Today, the weather [censored], so I texted W and asked if she would mind if I asked them if they wanted to see Solo with me this afternoon. She replied, "No, I don't mind but only if I can go too." S18's already seen it, but D16, W and I went. I picked them up. W got in the car, and while we were waiting for D16, W said D16 wanted to go to dinner afterward. I had no plans, so said "sure."

D sat between us, and the movie was good. Found out at the end that apparently W had a brush with poison ivy and was itching like crazy during the movie. We stopped by a pharmacy on the way home so she could pick up some benadryl. Obviously, she didn't want to go to dinner, so we dropped her off, and D and I went. Very casual, but always nice spending time with D.

I'm just wondering, is this kind of weird? We're supposed to be meeting tomorrow for lunch to decide how to value our respective homes for the asset division so we can finalize the divorce on Friday, and she tells me she'd like to go to the movies with us? I'm not reading anything into it, but how many of our exes invite themselves to the movies? Just seems weird to me.

And should I have said no?


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Jim, I had seen your post and wanted to respond that the most obvious explanation is that your wife was bored and wanted to see the movie. Perhaps she feels comfortable knowing the divorce will soon be finalized so she got what she wants and she can relax now and be friendly with you. I remember you saying it's been an amicable divorce so maybe your wife still wants to socialize with you. Or perhaps she's feeling lonely and wanted a taste of having an outing with her family just like old times. It's so hard to know what goes through their minds. My husband has been horrible but then invited me to lunch with our daughter recently. No interest in reconciling or fixing things but he seemed happy for us to have lunch together. I guess as long as they're getting their way and feel in control they are happy to spend time with us? I wish I was one of those people who could read between the lines but that's not a talent of mine, although I've seen other people on this board with that skill.

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Quote:
And should I have said no?


Jim I think you do whatever is comfortable to you as long as you can do it with no emotions, no expectations and it doesn't have an impact on your children giving them the impression that mom and dad are getting back together.

I would say it does seem kind of odd but every R is different and has their nuances. My EW will invite me but she has not invited herself.

I would also say that when you start to date and get serious with another woman I highly doubt you will feel comfortable with this happening and then you will probably say "no" if she asks.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
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Nicole, I wish I could read between the lines, too. It could have happened for any or all the reasons you mentioned, but I think you nailed the most likely one.... she was bored, wanted to see it, and she's comfortable around me. Who knows.


Originally Posted By: Joseph9
Quote:
And should I have said no?


Jim I think you do whatever is comfortable to you as long as you can do it with no emotions, no expectations and it doesn't have an impact on your children giving them the impression that mom and dad are getting back together.

I would say it does seem kind of odd but every R is different and has their nuances. My EW will invite me but she has not invited herself.

I would also say that when you start to date and get serious with another woman I highly doubt you will feel comfortable with this happening and then you will probably say "no" if she asks.


J9, I had no expectations, highly doubt it gives the kids the impression that we're getting back together, but part of me thinks I shouldn't be allowing her to cake-eat, you know, divorce me, but still do things as a family when convenient to her. Part of me was happy to have her come along. That's why I am curious as to whether I should have said "OK" when she asked.


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J - There have been times where I have went out to eat with my W and times that I have not. Maybe next time tell her "no" if she asks, if that is what you truly want to do. I declined dinner with my EW on Sunday because I did not want to give my girls (they are young) the wrong impression.

I think if you tell her "no" after a few times of hearing it she will probably stop asking.

Early on my DB coach told me to plan things weekly to do together as a family. IMO if you and your soon to be EW get together once a month with the kids for dinner or to go see a movie and your children get to interact with mom and dad together IMO that is a good thing. As long as it doesn't confuse them.

My guess is once you start a serious R with someone else though this won't happen.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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