Jim, you and your wife must be very detail-oriented people. It seems you two have been working on this for so long. Too bad the mediator can't help. I guess they put in a certain number of hours and then decide that's all they can do. I hope you'll soon make progress. I'm curious to hear more about the woman you're dating. Is she also divorced? Did you ever tell her that you'd be open to taking your wife back if your wife changes her mind before the divorce is over? Is your new girlfriend someone who you'd be open to marrying someday?
I am too detail oriented. I want everything split 50/50 down to the penny, because that's the "right" way to do it. That's just who I am. I did have an epiphany recently, and now, really just don't care. The estate is large enough that being off by a significant amount just doesn't matter anymore. It would be off my maybe 1 %, and I can live with that. Unfortunately, If I had had that insight 5 months ago, we'd be done by now.
This woman is also getting divorced. Hers has dragged on for over 4 years. She's been a good source of insight and suggestions, and has asked some really hard questions that make me think about my part in the failure of my R, and the limits of my part, too. And at this point, unless W expresses a great desire to make significant changes, I'm not willing to take her back. As far as marrying her, lets just say both of our emotional walls are really high. We enjoy each other's company, but it's too soon for me to think about this.
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
Honestly I think that's as much of an answer we're ever going to get- they are unhappy and they're not sure why, but they're hoping if they ditch us it'll get better.
Amen. I think this is exactly right. Of course that's not to say I couldn't have been better in some ways. It's a shame that I didn't embrace that until too late, though.
Absolutely, we all could have done better. But were we so terrible that it warranted BD rather than sitting down trying to resolve whatever issues the WAS had with us? If the posts here are any indication, the vast majority of LBS's that find themselves here on these forums are warm, caring, sensitive people. They are heartbroken at the loss of their spouse and would do just about anything to get them back. They are loyal, loving, caring people almost without exception, which is why they (we) come here in the first place. Does that sound like a crappy spouse? Hardly, it sounds like EXACTLY who I would want to be married to! I'm convinced BD and the aftermath has a lot more to do with the WAS and their own internal problems than it does the LBS.
Good luck getting the D worked out, sounds like you are handling it well!
AS, I think statements like this are why you are so highly regarded on this forum. Thank you for the reminder.
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
Last edited by job; 10/04/1806:35 PM. Reason: add link to new thread
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
