CALL 303-444-7004 to get started right away!

 

 


A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.



You can get started saving your marriage right away!
CALL 303-444-7004 for more information
or sign up online at the Divorce Busting Store

A Message from Michele
Page 2 of 2 < 1 2
Topic Options
#2785773 - 04/18/18 02:37 AM Re: We are moving forward on this journey together [Re: joejoe1]
Steve85 Offline
Member

Registered: 02/09/18
Posts: 982
joejoe, I think I gave up on the fixing a while ago. Really started about 3 days after bomb day when I found some excellent advice about letting her go, not trying to fix her, etc.

Now that doesn't mean it came easy. In fact, it was really hard. I always jumped in to fix things for her. Catching myself trying to jump in and fix things for her was difficult. But I started trying. I consciously stopped nagging her, that was really the start. And an interesting thing has started happening. She is starting to realize she needs to step up for herself.

That is important because on bomb day and for a few days afterward she would say how she "lost herself". How she didn't even know if she could pay bills, grocery shop, etc.

One of the other changes I put in was to get her to take grocery shopping back over from me. It is hard because I tend to be frugal and she tends to be "I might use this sometime in the next 6 months so I'll buy it." The first couple of times she went grocery shopping she way overspent. It isn't that we can't afford it, because we can, it is more can we eat all of this before it goes bad, expires, etc.

But I don't try to fix it. I just let her figure it out. She has to try and fix things herself. I can't rescue her because she never learns, loses identity, and starts looking for other unhealthy outlets.

joejoe, we should keep this thread going! I think we can be great support for one another.
_________________________
M(49), W(50)
D(14)
M-19, T-21
Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017

Decided to give her 1 year to get her act together. I will file for D on 1/2/2019

Top
#2785788 - 04/18/18 03:40 AM Re: We are moving forward on this journey together [Re: joejoe1]
joejoe1 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/25/17
Posts: 795
Loc: San Antonio, Texas
Steve,

I don't mind. I was really hoping that this thread takes off one day.

Today, I'm being hit with images.

I also keep getting this feeling of going home and just ending this whole thing. I want to move on. I made my mistakes and she made hers. She is a good woman, but sometimes I feel like the damage is too much. I hope these feelings flee.

I take it one day at a time.
_________________________
M:34 W:34
T:8 M:7
S13, S10, S7, S1
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.

Top
#2785940 - 04/19/18 04:14 AM Re: We are moving forward on this journey together [Re: joejoe1]
Steve85 Offline
Member

Registered: 02/09/18
Posts: 982
Originally Posted By: joejoe1
Steve,

I don't mind. I was really hoping that this thread takes off one day.

Today, I'm being hit with images.

I also keep getting this feeling of going home and just ending this whole thing. I want to move on. I made my mistakes and she made hers. She is a good woman, but sometimes I feel like the damage is too much. I hope these feelings flee.

I take it one day at a time.


I went through the same thing a couple of weeks ago. It is almost as if once we start to get what we want, we start to questing whether we really want it or not. From what I was told, that is normal. That once it feels like you are in R, or moving toward R, you will question if that is right. I think we get so into "winning" (winning as in not losing our Ws) that we never stop to ask if winning really means that.

I also have the problem that this is our second go around. The first time she had an EA was in 2005. That one was actually much worse emotionally, even though she immediately said she wanted to stay in the MR and fix it. This time was different in that she was saying she wanted a D right away.

But sometimes I wonder, am I just setting myself up for this happening again in the future? I mean, it was 12 years between these, in 5-12 years will we be back to this place again?
_________________________
M(49), W(50)
D(14)
M-19, T-21
Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017

Decided to give her 1 year to get her act together. I will file for D on 1/2/2019

Top
#2786032 - 04/19/18 03:06 PM Re: We are moving forward on this journey together [Re: Steve85]
joejoe1 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/25/17
Posts: 795
Loc: San Antonio, Texas
Will I be here again is the question I ask myself all the time. But only GOD knows that answer and I will leave the future and predictions up to him.

Marriage is not easy and there is no right answer to how to fix it.

If GOD has given my W and I another chance I will be grateful for what he has provided me.

We all have choices and decisions to make. This site has given me tools to fix/work on myself and M. This site has given me tools to know how to handle infidelity from my W or myself.

Know I must take heed to everything I mentioned above and keep moving forward.
_________________________
M:34 W:34
T:8 M:7
S13, S10, S7, S1
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.

Top
#2786882 - 04/25/18 05:48 AM Re: We are moving forward on this journey together [Re: joejoe1]
Steve85 Offline
Member

Registered: 02/09/18
Posts: 982
joejoe, agreed. However, I think that it is natural to have these kind of questions. Or wondering. Or whatever. You are right. Marriage is hard. However, God doesn't decide whether or not you and your W get another chance. Because of free-will you and her decide that. God hate divorce, his will is that marriage is lifelong and in fact only allows for it in the case of adultery. Even with adultery it is still a choice by the faithful spouse whether or not to end the marriage.
_________________________
M(49), W(50)
D(14)
M-19, T-21
Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017

Decided to give her 1 year to get her act together. I will file for D on 1/2/2019

Top
#2787356 - 04/28/18 02:28 PM Re: We are moving forward on this journey together [Re: Steve85]
joejoe1 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/25/17
Posts: 795
Loc: San Antonio, Texas
Steve,

I agree. The strength in these Sitchs are the LBS. They are the true strong ones. They ultimately end up deciding on the faith of the R.

The LBS takes a deep self reflection evaluation and they begin to work on their faults, while standing for the M. And if they WW or WAS decides to come back, they work on forgiving and forgetting.

It takes a strong individual to get thru that type of fire and come out the other side stronger and smarter.

My hat always is tipped the LBS on this site. They show strength so strong it's hard to phantom at all. And I know everyone around probably wonder how in the hell did they get to where they are.

Shots in the air for the LBS.
_________________________
M:34 W:34
T:8 M:7
S13, S10, S7, S1
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.

Top
#2787932 - 05/03/18 02:18 AM Re: We are moving forward on this journey together [Re: joejoe1]
Steve85 Offline
Member

Registered: 02/09/18
Posts: 982
joejoe, how's it going?

Last MC session was dominated by my daughter's current issues. A lot of it is typical 14 year-old stuff, but it just so out of character for her that her mother and I are having trouble dealing with it. But as the MC pointed out, it is much easier to deal with it with our MR in a healthier state than it was prior to March. God works in mysterious ways!
_________________________
M(49), W(50)
D(14)
M-19, T-21
Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017

Decided to give her 1 year to get her act together. I will file for D on 1/2/2019

Top
#2789158 - 05/09/18 04:01 PM Re: We are moving forward on this journey together [Re: Steve85]
joejoe1 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/25/17
Posts: 795
Loc: San Antonio, Texas
Steve,

It's going good. Working hard to stay optimistic. I'm in AZ for 44 days. Wife is planning on flying oit to visit and see my graduation. We were are also talking about a trip to Jamaica.

The boys are doing good.

I'm working on my trust. My W constantly assures me that she is not going anywhere which is nice, especially when I start to spiral.

Taking it a day at a time.
_________________________
M:34 W:34
T:8 M:7
S13, S10, S7, S1
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.

Top
Page 2 of 2 < 1 2


Moderator:  Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004