I'd like to say that I followed the steps, but I cracked. I was vague - or more so just answered his questions - and he started flirting with me. So the distance must work. But, I feel silly to say, I gave in. I flirted back. As good as it felt to flirt, I felt like I was breaking the DB rules. So I would stop. He kept going. I finally shook myself and stopped responding. I hope I didn't mess up too much.
And in regards to the return calls and text, I have been doing that. Not this week as he has been distant, but even today I had went in the store for an errand and didn't respond for an hour or so, but then other times right away.
I'm not gonna cave and text him first, or call. All contact is initiated by him.
Hopefully the flirting didn't hurt things too much.
We all struggle. It is hard. The first positive response we get we jump at it. You have to remember that WAS want to keep you in their control. When they feel they are losing control they will start temp checking. Comes out in various ways: flirting, discussing the future with you, initiating sex, etc. The key is for the LBS not to read too much into it other than the WAS wondering if you are still on the hook or not.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Well, I feel like I did ok then. I went into the preschool to pick up my daughter, and when I came back he left a couple messages wondering where I went, bc I hadn't responded to his last text. So... I'm not doing to bad. I'm not expecting anything after this, as that is probably exactly what he was doing, temp checking. I was smarter with my flirting so to speak, I let him be the last to respond each time. So it left HIM wondering and not me. Hahaha.
I'd like to say that I followed the steps, but I cracked. I was vague - or more so just answered his questions - and he started flirting with me. So the distance must work. But, I feel silly to say, I gave in. I flirted back. As good as it felt to flirt, I felt like I was breaking the DB rules. So I would stop. He kept going. I finally shook myself and stopped responding. I hope I didn't mess up too much.
And in regards to the return calls and text, I have been doing that. Not this week as he has been distant, but even today I had went in the store for an errand and didn't respond for an hour or so, but then other times right away.
I'm not gonna cave and text him first, or call. All contact is initiated by him.
Hopefully the flirting didn't hurt things too much.
Right after BD nearly all of us are shell-shocked and petrified that we will say or do one thing that'll crush our chances of recon. But that's not the case. It took a long time for your relationship to get to this point and it'll take a while to resolve it. Don't sweat the small stuff, you'll have a slip-up now and then but we all do/ did. A little flirting certainly won't derail your DB'ing! It sounds like you're doing great DB'ing, keep it up!
I'm super nervous with any convo with him other than the baby. It's kinda silly bc he prolly is testing the waters a bit. The funny part about it is, if I were just confident I know I'd have this in the bag. But for some reason I'm super nervous about it. I'm sure him abruptly leaving and saying he's done is the reason.
A little more history. Right before I got preggo, I had transitioned to a new job. I had been at my old job for 17 years. I left bc of complications bc I started dating him, he worked there also. We both left due to this. I went to the new job and it didn't fit so to speak. Now, my job was super important to me. It was my life besides the kids. I poured my life into it. So he had to cover some bills while I havent worked. This really brought me down, I'm so used to handling my own household. It still to this day bothers me to ask for money.
I say that bc when I found out I was preggo I too it hard bc I knew that I wouldn't be able to work until the baby was born. I sunk into an insecure person. With the pregnancy I gained so much weight, more insecurity.
So.... I know he's probably wondering where I went. I'm still here, I start a new job in a few weeks. I feel that it will be a good fit. I've dropped 50 lbs in 3 1/2 months. I'm pretty stoked about that. Im on my way to lose more.
I know that I will be back to my old self soon - just not sure he knows it.
Hi. So just as expected, I did not hear from him at all after the flirty text. I am not at all surprised this time. It's almost as if it is a game?
Anyhow, I'm sure they he will test those waters again since he did and I took the bait. What is the best way to handle it?
I struggle with this one bc when we were fighting I unfortunately played silent treatment with him. I feel like if I ignore him he will [censored] down even more, or think I'm playing games with him. Even yesterday, it's like he was a little sensitive when I didn't respond.
Also... I'm wondering if bc I wasn't as attentive to him yesterday if he's wondering what is up. And maybe he's going to wait for me now.
He was going to give me money for bills and he normally touches base on what day he's going to see the baby on the weekend. It's not totally unlike him, but he was asking just yesterday morning how much I needed for bills. He usually follows in the afternoon after work on where and when I can get it. I suppose he could just have forgotten, but I'm not so sure.
Get your mind off of it. Stay busy. He'll contact you.
Detachment isn't shutting down. Common misconception we all go through. Read the thread on detachment again. Living detachment is not shutting down. also read about pursuit/distance. You'll see the game he is playing.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
