Gotdie #19: patience, trust...and hope

[SBJ]

Gord, I'm so glad to be hearing from you again.

Sometimes, like at the end of Shawshank Redemption, we have to crawl thru a river of chit to come out clean on the other side. This thing we are going thru is polishing us into the men (and women) that God intended us to be. It's probably not what he intended us to have to endure, but it is how it is. You are doing you...you are being the best father and the best man you can be and that is God's will for you. When our wives emerge as that so-called Phoenix we will see if either one of us recognizes the other through each of our transformations. I say that because they are changing out of some unfulfilled need to make up for or change something about their past. We are forced to change to endure for our future. Maybe we survive together or maybe we survive apart, but I do know that we will survive.

[OwnIt]

I still fake it with the kids, and other people quite often, but I feel like my more genuine, less closed-up self is beginning to emerge. There are days I lose myself in happiness just doing something silly with my son, watching a movie with him, or even taking him to get a haircut and watching him describe how he wants it done.

I think where your wife lives is immaterial these days as she is doing less overt harm to you, the kids, the family. Whether she will continue to reintegrate into the family or move the other way is an unknown and out of your control. So good to focus on the things you do control, far less crazy-making.

[JaseP]

I like the Phoenix metaphor. Crazy how some of our situations are so strikingly similar in many ways, yet the outcomes seem to be anyone's guess.

I have so much respect for you, Gordie. Your kids are so lucky to have you be their rock. Best of luck with the upcoming family stuff.

What are you thinking for Mother's Day gift? (I'm looking for ideas that don't involve shaking my wife til she comes to her senses...)

[Gordie]

SBJ

I wish i was not in this tunnel but i accept the raality of it

I agree that we will survive

I had my doubts

His ways are not my ways

There is a resson why this is called this valley of tears

I sill remember you in my prayers



Own it

Thank you for reassuring me thT i am not the only one faking it

Faking it is tiresome but it beats moping

Glad you are feeling like yourself again ot magbe your nee self

And yes those little ordinary moments are the ones i cherish



Jasep

RR reminded me she is bot my mother

I will take the kids to the mall and let them choose

I will foot the bill but there will not be a present from me per se

I did aend my mom something

Thank you amazon prime

[HaWho]

Gordie - I think of you often. It's good to see you continuing to focus on you and your kids. I know how hard that is with a live-in.

Know that there is nothing you can do for her. So focus on what you can impact.

[DnJ]

Hi Gordie

It looks like you are doing really good.

I found once I started to sleep through the night everything got so much better. Sleep deprivation is just terrible, lack of sleep keeps emotions and logic a scrambled mess. I am very glad to hear you are sleeping well.

I understand your feelings on being a single parent and faking it. Nice to see that you are making it and are experiencing genuine gratitude and joy.

Btw I remember very well your encouraging words months ago about all the things I still had to be grateful for. Thanks.

I hope Mothers Day and dinner goes well. I think it is great that your W wants to spend time and do some activities with you and the kids.

D

[Gordie]

Hawho and DN

Thanks for taking the time to stop by

Hawho it is so hard not to want to do thkngs for her

After all this i still want to help her

But i have gotten better at letting go of that desire

And letting her help herself

And like an adult ask for help if she wants it

DNJ sleeping makes everything better

Yes i still have to fake it sometimes but i am better



M day 2018

Church solo with kids

Found myself sitting with other dads and kids with no wives

Got home and made a nice brunch

Mom got her gifts and cards

Kids said nice things about mom which touched her

Spent afternoon doing things around the house

W spent a lot of time on the phone with girl friends

M day dinner at restaurant was delicious

W asked me to take a picture of her and the kids

She posts these on social media

I am never in the pics

W spent time after dinner on phone with girl friends

I put the kids to bed and went to bed

W gave me a kiss goodnight

[Gordie]

Mom above refers to w

Not my mom

[Kyh]

Hi Gordie, it sounds like you offered up a great Mother's Day. I'm still following along and you sound like your doing well. Keep up the hard work and keep focusing on yourself and your kids.

[Gordie]

Kyh

Thanks for following along

I am glad I have been pretty drama free these past few months

I hope she is baking in her oven

But who knows how long it will take



Journaling

After a nice m day I expect maybe some distancing

W went out with a girl friend after work

I fed the kids and put them to bed

Cleaned up the house and did the laundry

It was late and I was tired and went to bed

I texted w good night and fell asleep

W gets home and starts making noise and I wake up

She complains that the house is a mess

I know it is not and I am half asleep and roll over

She spends the next 30 minutes banging around

This is the new me

I resisted the temptation to jump out of bed and clean up whatever was not to her standard

I resisted the temptation to apologize

Instead I am saying to myself

What is her problem

Whatever I do it is never enough for her

SMH

I slept like a baby

In the morning I again resisted the temptation to apologize

I chit chat as if nothing happened and so does she

One day at a time