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ItHurts Offline OP
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Hey Guys,
One possibly significant thing I should consider here is that last weekend when we were supposed to meet was the exact 4 year anniversary of the bomb drop. This come weekend would've been our 17th wedding anniversary. Whether or not those dates were/is a factor on her mind is anyone's guess but I figured I should probably mention it here.


ME: 43 W:44
M 13 years on 5-5-01
T 18 years
BD 4/27/14
D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date)
WAW moved out 5/12/14
Papers filed 6/27/14
Divorce granted 07/17/14
Our marriage ends 11/17/14
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Interesting timing, and maybe? I know my W was very date oriented when we met. "This happened on this date." "That happened on that date." Etc.

However, in recent times she has been much less date oriented. Not sure if your wife even remembers BD date? Obviously your anniversary probably is still something she remembers though.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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ItHurts Offline OP
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Hey Steve, yes the timing is strange and the only reason I mention it is because of the timing. It is strange. At this point however even if she does contact me to make plans for a night this weekend I am planning on telling her I have plans already. She has to give me more notice than a day. In other words, if she happened to text today (although I doubt it) to ask me over for tomorrow or Saturday I pretty much have to say I can't. Being available to her on such short notice would seem a bit too eager on my part for my liking. I wouldn't be comfortable with that. I'd probably just pick a different date further in the future and set that up with her instead.
However as I said, I doubt I'll hear from her this soon. She'll likely stay in the castle a bit longer now I suspect.


ME: 43 W:44
M 13 years on 5-5-01
T 18 years
BD 4/27/14
D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date)
WAW moved out 5/12/14
Papers filed 6/27/14
Divorce granted 07/17/14
Our marriage ends 11/17/14
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Yeah, I just responded to another poster that his WAW was probably feeling strange at being reattracted to him. Likely that is what is going on here too. I think this is actually a good sign, that she is feeling things she didn't expect to feel and it is scaring her.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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Originally Posted By: ItHurts
However as I said, I doubt I'll hear from her this soon. She'll likely stay in the castle a bit longer now I suspect.


Yeah, I agree. I have a feeling she'll reach out again but it might be a few weeks.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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ItHurts Offline OP
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We'll Steve I sure hope you are right my friend. The thought of her being attracted to me again seems to good to be true but maybe that's what is happening here.

Agreed AS, whatever happened in her head last weekend is sure to keep her away awhile. Of course as soon as she contacts me again I'll let you guys know right away.


ME: 43 W:44
M 13 years on 5-5-01
T 18 years
BD 4/27/14
D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date)
WAW moved out 5/12/14
Papers filed 6/27/14
Divorce granted 07/17/14
Our marriage ends 11/17/14
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Ok fully caught up on this thread. Thank you so much for putting this out there as it has given me hope in my situation. Your ExW sounds like mine. Also 100% think she is aware of the dates and they were influencing.


M 40 W 34
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ItHurts Offline OP
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Hi Ste7e,
That's nice to hear that my story has helped you! That's why I take the time to update. I remember that intense pain and hopelessness of 4 years ago and I want to be sure to let those suffering through that hell now know that future and passage of time is true magic. It gets better for sure. My story here is an odyssey for sure. One day I might go back be read all my posts from day 1 here just for perspective. I have always come back here to update over the years with every single interaction or relevant news about my WAW so everything is journaled here in detail for the past 4 years. Hearing that it helps other have hope is just so great!!! That makes me very, very happy!


ME: 43 W:44
M 13 years on 5-5-01
T 18 years
BD 4/27/14
D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date)
WAW moved out 5/12/14
Papers filed 6/27/14
Divorce granted 07/17/14
Our marriage ends 11/17/14
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I don't think she has been influenced by the dates, and I don't think she is exactly scared the way you are all describing... I think there might be someone else on some level. Maybe she is unsure about him or is thinking about ending that relationship... I think she is attracted to you, and I think she jumped the gun in reaching out to you... Things were happening too soon, before she was ready... That's what I think is scaring her... She's being cautious... She doesn't want to make the same mistakes... She doesn't want her mistakes to hurt you...

--artista

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Quote:
Well Bluwave, here's the thing that complicates things for me regarding how I forgave her. I've learned that I, sadly, was the root of all that slowly ended our marriage. Not listening to her when she needed me, not seeing she was unhappy for a long time and I was too consumed in other things trying to make our finances better. This wenron for years and she stick it out as long as she could until one day she reached her breaking point. It was around this time that OM and all that happened. Although she is not blameless...and she always has said we were both at fault for our failed marriage...I do truly see now in hindshight that I essentially drove her to the EA by never being there for her emotionally for many, many years. She tried to hang in there and did longer than even I would be able to...but I still wasn't a man anymore. She lost her attraction for me because of my faults and even though I was her husband and she loved me, I was friend-zoned. So it tore her up.

So basically I didn't find it hard to forgive her, I did, however,find it very difficult to forgive myself for letting things get to a desperation point for her when all of it could've been preventing had I not been so oblivious. She never wanted to hurt me but she had to have a life...and I had to essentially get one.
Hope that helps.


IH, this does help. A lot. Thank you. I am so glad you are back here. It really is forcing me to look at my sitch from a different angle. It has been very good for me! I don't want to hijack your thread, so perhaps I'll touch on it in my own.

In terms of her reaching out and then pulling back, well I am afraid we are all doing a bit of mind reading here. As I read the posters comments, I find myself thinking, "well, yeah, maybe, but also maybe not..." Let's face it, until she tells you where she is coming from and what her intentions are, none of us can really know.

What we do know are the facts: she wants to see you and talk to you again, therefore she wants some sort of friendship, relationship, or possibly wants to know your position before she makes hers. Us all guessing and speculating on what her next move will be is just that - guessing and speculating. I don't want to get your hopes up and have you get hurt again.

I do agree about taking it very, very slow and cautiously. If your sense is she wants something or is only temp-checking, then go with that. Your instincts will not steer you wrong. If you find yourself obsessing a bit, then go back to DB 101 like the champ you are: detach and GAL!

You got this!!!
Blu


“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
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