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Previous installment...

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2787401&page=1

Indeed Arista and it was such a nice visit ad it had been awhile since we got to hang out. There's nothing romantic going on with us now but we were always good friends first. We are each other's confidant. But yes as far as WAW goes... I don't care if she hears of it or not. Like you said, she cancelled not me.


ME: 43 W:44
M 13 years on 5-5-01
T 18 years
BD 4/27/14
D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date)
WAW moved out 5/12/14
Papers filed 6/27/14
Divorce granted 07/17/14
Our marriage ends 11/17/14
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ItHurts, she probably got cold feet. She wants you, but she still has a lot of fear and anxiety that the past will repeat itself. As Artista said, your M failed because it was a crappy M. You've changed, she sees you've changed, but she's afraid to go outside the castle walls. She'll lower the drawbridge and raise it back up. Then lower it and walk to the end of it and run back and raise it. Then lower it and step onto the grass this time before running back, etc. etc. What do you do? Enjoy your picnic. Don't even look her way.

Your next move is no move. Go right back to normal. Don't worry about her. I'm pretty sure she'll reach out again (lower the drawbridge).


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Hey thanks AS! Yes I like to think that she is struggling because feelings were awakened in her from seeing me in person again and that's why she cancelled. But the skeptic in me that always seems to win over my thoughts is telling me she just isn't interested.
I guess I'm finding it too hard to believe that something this good could happen to me...that being that my WAW may actually be making the very slow journey back to me but that seems to be the general consensus here with everyone replying.
Yes my picnic is just fine. I have no problem at all just going about my business...work (and sleep LOL) has me pretty busy these days anyway. But yes there is no question that I am going to do absolutely nothing now except make her wait a few hours if/when she ever texts again...which again it's nice to hear that most replying here seem to think she likely will.
Just so hard to believe that maybe, just maybe, you guys are right and she does want me back and is is struggling with herself.


ME: 43 W:44
M 13 years on 5-5-01
T 18 years
BD 4/27/14
D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date)
WAW moved out 5/12/14
Papers filed 6/27/14
Divorce granted 07/17/14
Our marriage ends 11/17/14
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It will unfold in time.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Thanks so much V! It's so great to hear all this from you guys... something to look forward to while I enjoy the single life again for a bit. For now I just relax and live my life and take care of myself as I have been.


ME: 43 W:44
M 13 years on 5-5-01
T 18 years
BD 4/27/14
D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date)
WAW moved out 5/12/14
Papers filed 6/27/14
Divorce granted 07/17/14
Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,152
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Originally Posted By: ItHurts
I guess I'm finding it too hard to believe that something this good could happen to me...


Well I'm glad you are excited about the prospects. It's been 6 years since BD and 4 since D for me and to be honest if my ex suddenly expressed interest I think my reaction would be a genuine mix of astonishment and revulsion grin Even if I didn't have a GF I just cannot imagine going back there, just... no. I mean she's still an attractive woman and sweet and all, but for me the wounds cut too deep. So that's kind of where I'm coming from, I can certainly see how someone (whether WAS or LBS) would have major trepidation about recon after years have passed. But stranger things have happened!


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Hi AS,
Well it was a rather strange divorce for me. We were very close and never at any point did we hate each other. So I was and am open to R with her simply because I truly believe your problems were and are very fixable. Of course I say this because I was the major problem they eventually ruined our marriage so I know altering my behavior and maturing as I have in recent years that I could be the husband that she truly deserved. Also encouraging is that we both willingly accept blame and have spoken at length over what we did wrong. That helps too. So I could very much imagine us reconciled for these reasons. Having said that, there has been no R talk at all but I guess the writing is on the wall that it will inevitably be a subject that comes up. Of course it will have to be her that initiates it I'd say...but perhaps before too long we will get there.
Just the fact that she was initially so aggressive with contacting me, and of course her timing right after I moved out of Mary's, suggests to me that maybe there is a chance for us to try again. Hard for me to believe that being a skeptic...but I like to think there's more to this story to come. I just wish her cancelling didn't happen because that really set off my already-existing skepticism that maybe she just thinks we shouldn't talk again at all...it kind of shredded any amount of optimism I was starting to feel about R.


ME: 43 W:44
M 13 years on 5-5-01
T 18 years
BD 4/27/14
D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date)
WAW moved out 5/12/14
Papers filed 6/27/14
Divorce granted 07/17/14
Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 937
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ITHurts, I didn't get to respond earlier but to me it sounds like your ex-wife was talking to a friend about her plans with you and someone told her to slow down and not appear too eager. It seems like someone else influenced her to cancel. Or maybe she really wasn't feeling well and didn't have a chance to look as beautiful as she wanted to be in order to impress you.

Have you heard from her again? If you told her you'll be working all week then my guess is you'll hear from her at the end-of-the-week.

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Originally Posted By: ItHurts
Hi AS,
Well it was a rather strange divorce for me. We were very close and never at any point did we hate each other. So I was and am open to R with her simply because I truly believe your problems were and are very fixable. Of course I say this because I was the major problem they eventually ruined our marriage so I know altering my behavior and maturing as I have in recent years that I could be the husband that she truly deserved. Also encouraging is that we both willingly accept blame and have spoken at length over what we did wrong. That helps too. So I could very much imagine us reconciled for these reasons. Having said that, there has been no R talk at all but I guess the writing is on the wall that it will inevitably be a subject that comes up. Of course it will have to be her that initiates it I'd say...but perhaps before too long we will get there.
Just the fact that she was initially so aggressive with contacting me, and of course her timing right after I moved out of Mary's, suggests to me that maybe there is a chance for us to try again. Hard for me to believe that being a skeptic...but I like to think there's more to this story to come. I just wish her cancelling didn't happen because that really set off my already-existing skepticism that maybe she just thinks we shouldn't talk again at all...it kind of shredded any amount of optimism I was starting to feel about R.


If its meant to be it will happen. I think you are doing the right thing in not trying to force anything. DBing got you here, likely DBing will get you to the next level as well.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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Thanks Nicole. No I haven't heard from her since. Your thought would make sense other than the fact that she said if I "was around tomorrow to give her a shout." Surely just the next day wouldn't be necessarily slowing anything down. The good thing I don't have to do anything.
I don't know why she did what she did especially since initially already having her our the first time...then she suddenly was free in Saturday Just a mystery but the best theory is cold feet I think.


ME: 43 W:44
M 13 years on 5-5-01
T 18 years
BD 4/27/14
D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date)
WAW moved out 5/12/14
Papers filed 6/27/14
Divorce granted 07/17/14
Our marriage ends 11/17/14
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