MY TRAGIC WAW STORY PART VI

[ItHurts]

Well Steve, it is certainly a great sign that she is really keeping pretty regular contact with me. I am a bit surprised with jow much if an effort she's making. This is the stuff I didn't dream possible 4 years ago...that I would be this strong and that WAW would eventually come back...in some capacity.

Now R is no sure thing obviously and we're miles away from that; but I do feel the fact that she is being this aggressive so frequenly is because when she saw me again after 4 years something awakened in her. Those who have followed this thread since 2014 may remember when she asked if we could meet up one last time before she moved away I refused. I always figured she didn't get the closure she wanted. Seeing me again that first night did something to her I think. But that's all speculation my part...and a no-no for DB, trying to read WAW's mind. This isn't about saving what we had anymore. It seems like we are building a new relationship; that core deep friendship we had. Some may say I should be making moves on her for sex but that is not the goal here. The goal is to have her fall in love with me again. I am totally confident over time she will...but for now, after 4 years, I have the one tool I've needed to even possibly hope to make any progress with WAW...and that is frequent communication and live visits with her and so far I've gotten exactly what I need and then some. She's actually initiating them aggressively which is just an added bonus.

So for any newbies reading this who are fresh off the brutal bomb drop; PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE hear me. I thought my life was over 4 years ago. There was no scenario I saw that resulted in me ever being happy without WAW after almost 20 years with her. I was even pondering suicide as I just saw now way I could go on. BUT...NO CONTACT WORKS! Not to get your WAW to miss you...but it eventually and unnoticeably brings you to a point where WAW being gone just doesn't hurt anymore. Somehow you get over it. It's because life, YOUR LIFE, demands your attention so much that no WAW is just the new normal. The pain ceases. You become confident, etc. All the things I remember reading here would happen when I was a newbie. Of course I felt like...no way...I won't recover from this utter devastation of my life. But you will... trust me. I've been down the road you're suffering on right now...and there is light eventually. I promise. Besides, look at my story here...maybe in 4 years when you're strong as an ox, confident, etc your WAW will return and you could once again try to knock her socks off! Better days ahead for you. So I hope some newbies get some comfort from my advice.

Anyway, as far as my WAW goes, we'll see if she texts me again tomorrow, Friday, or waits until Saturday. Bets anyone? LOL!

[44tries]

Steve suggested I read your thread and I'm glad I did. Wow, what a journey! As a newbie, let me say thank you for that last post. It gives me hope and confidence that every day I am getting closer to getting out of the darkness. It is because of people like you that have travelled the road and can speak to us from the other side that we can have some guidance and something to hold onto.

Best of luck with Saturday! I'll throw in a bet that she texts you tomorrow .

[SteveLW]

And I'll bet she tries to jump your bones Saturday night. LOL

[OrangeK]

2nd

[ItHurts]

Hey 44tries, that's great to hear! The main reason I keep coming back here to update all these years later is for exactly that reason you mention. This initial months after the bomb drop are just brutal, hopeless, and devastating in every way. There is no eating, sleeping etc. Every day is sheer hell and constant tears if intense sadness. I was there and I want people to know that it DOES get better. I thought maybe it does for others but it won't for me...my situation is just hopeless. I was wrong. It DOES get better somehow. So I want the people suffering right now to know that the future is an amazing thing. Time truly does heal all wounds and the positive is you come out of such devastation so amazingly strong...and THAT is EXACTLY what your ex didns attractive in men. Strength and confidence. So I am thrilled my story helped you my friend!!! I hope it helps other DBers here. You will come out on top eventually. Listen to the song "Cold As Ice* by Foreigner...for me that song is so true!! "You're digging for gold but you're throwing away a fortune in feelings but someday YOU'LL PAY!" Best of luck to you sir and remember no contact is your best friend right now...it sure turned out to be mine in every way.

Haha Steve I doubt that... we're not there yet buddy LOL! I'm sure it will be another casual visit and more talking but as I said above. My goal is for her to fall for me again and having my own life now...I am very confident that one day soon she will. And whenever that day comes, she will be all over me I'm sure. It's like Guns N' Roses sang..."you need a little patience."

[Newly20]

Been reading up on your sitch recently and I'm so happy that for you things seem to be turning around. What i am wondering is, at what point did she realize that the "grass isn't greener" per say, i surely doubt it was after 4 years. Something tells me she has been keeping tabs on you for some time and only after she found out that you broke up with your recent girlfriend did she find the guts to actually reach out to you. Just a thought of mine but either way good luck to you in this no matter which way it goes, your in such a great position for YOURSELF.

[ItHurts]

Hi Newly20,
Well yes, I am certain she's been "spying" on me since she left. Several people on my FB are mutual friends. In fact her Mom "followed" me a couple years back and her Dad never unfriended me as well as some others. So yes I am certain she's been keeping tabs on me. She also still talks to a couple people in my family.
If you notice a couple pages back in this thread, that first visit with her a couple weeks back she made a comment about "the string of women you ripped through" and she also referred to my exgirlfriend Mary by the nickname j gave her. She wouldn't know any of this info unless she was indeed watching me.
Having said that, as far as her timing in contacting me after years about that photo album...I too wonder why that text came in less than 24 hours after I posted about having a new address. She knew I was living with Mary because she spoke to my Step-Mom for some medical advice awhile back and she told WAW. So was it simply a coincidence that WAW contacted me less than 24 hours after I posted about my address change? I have no idea my friend. All I can do is the same as you and speculate but there's simply no way to confirm it either way. My gut tells me her timing was very intentional but I have no proof. Most people I've spoken to about it tell me it was quite obviously no coincidence but who knows?

Also, I don't know that she ever came to the grass isn't greener revelation at all. All she's doing now is making sure to stay in touch and maintain a friendship with me. She hasn't given me any indication to suggest she wants to R. So it's like I say...only time will tell. All I can do is speculate what's she's thinking and as you know, in DBing, mind reading is a big no-no.

Wish I had more insight for you on this but I know as much as you guys do at this point as to what she's up to. We'll all find out together though as this all unfolds.

[Vanilla]

My thoughts

Your W wasn't a wayward.

You contributed as much as she did (if not more) to the deterioration of your M.

Your W walked.

It is Classic DB. Classic.

You became a man only a fool might leave, you weren't them, you are now.

Your W isn't wayward.

Neither are you.

-----------------------

So, you are attracted to each other, as you always were. It's called mapping.

Both of you have explaining and Growth to do.

But for now, enjoy each others company, take it at whatever pace is appropriate.

Go out have fun, share.

Realise there will be pinch points.

I see no reason why this can't be a happy ending. Can I repeat not wayward?

Go enjoy and no anticipation or expectation.

Others have gone before you with successful outcomes

V

[25yearsmlc]

THIS^^^^^

[ItHurts]

Wonderful post Vanilla!!! It is encouraging to hear you say that you feel she is still attracted to me. I don't see that just yet but sometimes it takes someone on the outside looking in to recognize such things. Yes, I feel I was absolutely a huge contributer to our marriage ending and I have told her so. I just said all i could do was learn from it and better myself which I have.
But it is very encouraging to hear you say that you think she's attracted to me as that's obviously a huge step here.