My New Scenario

[Newly20]

Tried posting yesterday but they kept coming up blank, ill try this again.

Coming up on 5 weeks of physical separation, nothing has changed in her demeanor when she comes to get D3. Ive been doing NC and going as dark as possible while maintaining minimal contact strictly about D3 or finances. I slipped up on 2 occasions, 1st time when i complimented on her outfit and got no response from her and the second time when i text her wishing her luck on a job interview, again with no response.

As per DR book, it states to try a method and monitor for any results, so far with 5 weeks i have not seen any sign of change, is it too soon to change the method? Should i initiate some sort of greeting with her when she comes to get D3 or should i continue to stay quiet and remain smiling?

Where are the vets? Can you guys weight in on my situation?? Sandi where are you??

[OrangeK]

Ive been cut off from my WW for 3 months now Newly, honestly i wouldn't focus so much on what your behavior is causing in her, but rather what positive changes your behavior is causing for yourself.
Remember Cadets first words. NO EXPECTATIONS.
I still struggle greatly with NC, and i can even HAVE contact if i wanted it, but its been a blessing in disguise. It gave me the time i needed to learn all about DB techniques.
Before NC i was literally doing everything wrong, pleading, begging, pursuing, challenging questions about OM, making demands and pleas about our marriage, our family, our son.

Keep up being positive, be polite and available but dont be a doormat. Stand up for your boundaries, and be the best version of yourself you can be. If thats not what she wants to come home to, you cant control that.

I mean it when i say i still really struggle with this, i have SO MANY QUESTIONS, SO MANY EXPLANATIONS I WANT.
Ive had zero closure, zero info. I had OM thrown in my face and then i was left in the dark, now for months. So believe me i get how hard it is, ive slipped up and tried to contact her, with no results. Im not doing that anymore. She is living her life, and it IS GOING to backfire in her face, could be in a week or it could be in 5 years, i dont know. What i do know is it will happen, and when it does im going to be the best version of myself i can be and we'll see how the dust settles.
Bank on nothing but your own perseverance.

Strength to you Brother.

Here my Sitch if you want to read it - http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2784300#Post2784300

[Newly20]

[Newly20]

6 weeks post Seperation. She seems a little more "happy" when she comes around, i try not to read into these situations but i am making note of any changes. Yesterday she asked if D3 could spend the upcoming week at MIL. This time she asked me in person when picking up D3, previously she would only do this over the phone or via text. I replied that I didn't think it would be a good idea.

I'm in no way trying to be petty by not allowing this, but for ME its not going to work, i need my daughter and seeing her on a daily allows me to thrive per say. At the same time i have no problem with the inlaws coming by so D3, but a whole week is just asking too much given the current situation.

This week in particular has been difficult. I find myself with more emotion than usual and i cant seem to pinpoint it to anything. My thought is this, i leave home for work and no one is home, and i come back home from work with no one waiting for me. This has really hit me hard as of late.

[Newly20]

So despite me stating that i was not ok with D3 going to MIL/FIL house, W decided to take her up there anyway. She said she would bring her down on Wednesday. So we got into it a bit back n forth via text, mainly me stating my discontent with her doing this. I did tell her i was not trying to keep her away from her family but that our communication needs to be better and that we are both parents, we should both be in agreement. We switch off on weekends and during the week D3 spends time with both of us, i told her we are 50/50. She went into it on this and said that we are not because our D3 sleeps with her and that we will let the courts decide this. We kept going back and forth, I didn't lose my cool even though there were some instances where i wanted to just let her have it. I tried validating where i could. At the end i did pursue a bit and told her she was confused, to which she responded that she has already filed for divorce and she was certain about what she wanted.

I'm still processing this, i have not totally lost myself emotionally nor do i know how the coming days, weeks, months will feel. I have not responded to the last text about her already filing, and I'm not certain if its a bluff. Only time will tell.
Should i respond to the text and validate somehow? What should i say

Moving forward, how should i approach my situation. This whole ordeal has just took a huge turn in the matter of a weekend it seems.

She also mentioned that she was bothered by the fact that i could not even answer her phone calls, she stated she doesn't care about my personal life and that i should not have reached out to MIL for 'help'. I strongly agree with that.

[Newly20]

Hoping I can get some insight from some of the vets pretty soon, not sure how to respond to the wife given the current situation..Don't want to let so much time pass.

[Newly20]

Well, it happened. Just shortly after our last text conversation in which she told me she had filed i got an unknown call to receive some paperwork. I was served. She filed just like she said.

Not sure what to make of this. Just 2 months after BD she went on and filed. My head is spinning. Was our marriage that bad that she decided there was no way around this, so soon? IS there other factors involved, perhaps OM? Or is her head spinning and just jumping to sudden action. This feeling truly SU*KS.

[OrangeK]

Just play it cool, dont get in the way of it. let the people here hear your pain and confusion. She sees nothing but cool calm and collected. Yea?
Cooperate but dont be a doormat

[Newly20]

Yes before i even got the actual paperwork i decided to respond to her text. I told her i did not believe that D was the solution to our problems but i would not stand in the way of her happiness.

What i believe she sees is someone who is just going with it, unbothered per say. I'm doing my best to not be a doormat and give in to her every request, and judging from our convo earlier it seems she thinks I'm angry or mad at her. This is far from the case! Slightly angry at her for tearing this family apart, but I'm not showing it. What i do have is extreme disappointment in her and the way things unfolded. I have no idea who she is anymore, that there is the huge killer for me.

Some days i bum out thinking on how this is my fault, but in reality it was a joint effort, our marriage got to this point because of US, not ME. At this point hope has extremely diminished. Now to continue moving forward with myself only, being the best father i can be and let the pieces of the puzzle fall into place as they need to.

[Newly20]

Yes before i even got the actual paperwork i decided to respond to her text. I told her i did not believe that D was the solution to our problems but i would not stand in the way of her happiness.

What i believe she sees is someone who is just going with it, unbothered per say. I'm doing my best to not be a doormat and give in to her every request, and judging from our convo earlier it seems she thinks I'm angry or mad at her. This is far from the case! Slightly angry at her for tearing this family apart, but I'm not showing it. What i do have is extreme disappointment in her and the way things unfolded. I have no idea who she is anymore, that there is the huge killer for me.

Some days i bum out thinking on how this is my fault, but in reality it was a joint effort, our marriage got to this point because of US, not ME. At this point hope has extremely diminished. Now to continue moving forward with myself only, being the best father i can be and let the pieces of the puzzle fall into place as they need to.