Oh and one thing I have noticed is you really have to show interest. Guys are quite dim on picking up on this.
I agree with Lady V. I'm a guy and boy am I dim. Just ask my ex-wife I am also a timid forest creature.
Even 2 years out I and I presume other mature guys are still somewhat shell-shocked and confused. You are orders of magnitude farther out. Even if this had happened 10 years ago it would still be tough. Just check what guys younger than me like CNut have been writing.
I'd be thrilled if one of the several ladies I know who may or may not be interested in me took me by the hand and told me that I was going out with them.
I know from our past correspondence that guys like me aren't "your type" but as V suggests, being more forward might be productive.
Oh - and that other guy is looking for a side-piece. May or may not be married or rich. You are better than that. Heck - something battery operated is better than that.
Just my 2 cents.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
listen to V and Ellie darling and listen to Andrew for the guys POV ... you're worth more than the inflexible sex machine who passes out at 8:30 every night.
xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
I agree with V, Ellie and bttrfly. Please, please listen to them. You deserve so much better than someone who conks out at 8:30 every night.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Another nail in the coffin for Ginger ever being interested in me !!
I'm off to bed by 8:30 most nights too. Mind you, I'm up at 4:45. Been doing this grind for 15 years now.
I did have a loving and active life (or so I thought) with my spouse and children. We did make a point of spending time with each other on weekends and what time we had during the week.
I do think that it was a good idea to write-off the guy as a partner. He sounded demanding and controlling and self-centred. He was appliance shopping.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
So many great responses! You are very attractive and have so many wonderful qualities..your fun, friendly, popular, down to earth etc. It makes no sense why you are having problems.
But just some things that jumped out at me...
"I told him numerous times that I am not interested in text dating and I need him to ask me when I am free and coordinate something. He avoided it as well. He texts me today at 2pm asking me out for pretty much right then. I went off on him. He kept persisting. He is crazy attracted to me, blah, blah blah. I decided to turn this around on him. After reaming him telling him I am no one's last minute plans, that if he was really all that interested, he cane meet me at a bar by my house, no hug, no kiss, no nothing. Justa drink."
So you rewarded his bad behavior? You agreed to a drink, even though he was disrespectful regarding your time and very clear cut communication. I would have just stopped communicating to him. By just continuing the conversation or communication you are showing desperation. Especially, when you showed him that even though you were mad, you would still meet up with him. Furthermore, I think showing him he had the power to frustrate you put you in a position of weakness and lowers your value.
Same thing with Christian Grey. I am quite confident that your profile does not indicate that you are looking for that type of an arrangement. Yet this guy is "persistent" in getting you to meet up with him only to offer you a subpar arrangement. You are worth so much more then that. The fact that he even thinks that is acceptable shows you what type of person he is. And what he thinks of the type of person you are. He is presenting wealthy. That does not mean he is. And it should not matter anyway. The proposition is very very very insulting.
Ginger people will treat you as you demand to be treated. They sense it in the little actions and responses. Truly know your worth and dont waste time or responses on anything less then you deserve.
You can try reading through the profiles and look for a guy that clearly states he is looking for a monogamous relationhip and has his sh!t together and then respond to him. Weed through the profiles and only bother with someone that really seems worthy. By worthy, I dont mean being in top shape, or having the best pics. I mean someone that sees to have good values.
WOW! I have been reading along between yesterday and today and I want to thank you ALL for your stellar advice and words of encouragement.
I just want to let you all know that I wasn't entertaining the though of being some guy's purely sexual toy on HIS terms. Nope. I did entertain the thought of having sex and fun outings with a guy. Not something I ever thought I would do, but I thought it might be beneficial to ME. When it wasn't, I called him out on his BS. It is pretty unreal that a guy thought a woman would want to screw him during the day and have him in bed by 8:30. Good luck to him finding that! I want NO part in it.
The other guy, I wasn't really rewarding him by agreeing to meet him. I have turned these experiences into a social experiment. I knew he thought I would say no, and when I said yes, it became real, and he made some sorry excuse. He really just wanted to text me forever. He is NOT at a point to have real contact with a woman, and he needs to deal with his own stuff.
My cousin and I were talking and she told me I should write a book with this stuff, which I have been told many times. Then she gave me the idea to write a blog. I am not much of a writer, but I think it would be entertaining and therapeutic. Just like I kind of blog on here as an outlet. Might be one of my new hobbies!
As far as target rich areas.... I was at a hardware store sunday and I was looking at rakes and some guy who was just shopping did ask if I needed help picking one out. We talked a bit, I tried to flirt for practice, but I think he was really just helping. I did have a guy try to ask me out one night at a bookstore, but he was really weird, and I lied and said I had a boyfriend. The gym has so much eye candy, but everyone is into their own thing with their earbuds in, I don't bother.
As far as 25 year old PT guy....... As you all know, I was devastated when FF broke up with me because he wanted kids way in the future. I can't fathom going through that again. I know his parents wouldn't approve for 2 reasons.... one would be I am only 6 years older than his mom, and 2, I am done having kids, even adopting. I realize I have done 10 years on my own, and I am done raising children after this one. I cannot start all over, even with adopting a baby. he wants wife, kids, ect., and he will make such an amazing father. I would not want to rob anyone of that.
A friend reminded me today that I am a strong woman who needs a strong man. That some men (especially in my demographic) might be intimidated by my strength and independence and I shouldn't compromise myself because of that.
I am just becoming weary. I trust no one's intentions. So I put up these walls right away and question everyone's motives and now I think come across as uptight, even though I so am not uptight.
Andrew! Being in bed at 8:30 isn't a bad thing! But I bet if a lovely woman came your way, you might be a little flexible and hang until 10pm on a Saturday night. I don't even have a type. And if I were to have a type, it would be a strong man, driven MAN. Not these weenies who want everything his way and can't handle something real or life in general.
IN other news, I want to pass out, this day was really draining, but in a good way. Although I have a weird situation I have encountered at my job. I know one of my patient's daughter's very well. Her husband is married to my cousin's brother. I have to maintain privacy, but my cousin knows I am the case manager from her daughter directly who is the point of contact. I know their home situation is kind of messed up and I also know this woman is very debilitated. I am trying to manage this case without violating hIPPA and making sure things that I have the inside info on in the home gets managed.
Oh, and remember I said I thought exH was cheating? Well, through coincidence, I found out who that woman was. It is a coworker who was OWW's best friend. She is the woman who introduced them. The woman who set up a married man with a baby on the way with his friend. He probably isn't cheating with her, but I saw her on FB. And I had to look like a train wreck, and I got to see pictures from the night they were hooked up. When I was 28 weeks pregnant, we were living far and he was out for a night in Brooklyn and never came home and never answered his phone. The fear I felt on that night is vivid. Seeing those pictures made me livid. Then seeing pictures of them from the Christmas party he didn't want me to come to and I was staying home with our 3 month old baby..... Wow. I wanted to beat the crap out of this trashy woman so bad. I hope they are cheating together so they can all get a taste. I haven't felt anger towards the cheating like this so raw in a very long time.
And it should be said that I have weaned myself off my benzo's that I have been taking to sleep since BD. I am an insomniac as it is. But my exhaustion and melatonin helps. I also decided to try to wean myself off my Ad's, but my mind runs a very busy when I do, so I decided to keep them at the lower dose possible.
I am hoping when I get back to my intense exercise, I will be feeling better.
For now, no more online dating. I had a really good night in PT last night and I think I am going to be back to my therapeutic exercise. Maybe that will be all I need for a while.
Ah, up at 5 am for new systems training from 7-1 The good news is I will probably get out an hour early and I will be done for the day and I can clean my godforsaken messy as heck house that is giving me anxiety.
Andrew! Being in bed at 8:30 isn't a bad thing! But I bet if a lovely woman came your way, you might be a little flexible and hang until 10pm on a Saturday night.
That has been known to happen. I've even stayed up past midnight although those darned mice had a hard time pulling the pumpkin home.
Originally Posted By: Ginger1
I don't even have a type. And if I were to have a type, it would be a strong man, driven MAN. Not these weenies who want everything his way and can't handle something real or life in general.
Yeah - that eliminates me some more. There's a good reason you've never seen doodler and I in the same room. I'm his alter-ego. A marshmallow(y) kind of guy who tends to go along with the flow. I joked once to a friend that I'm the Samwise Gamgee of partners (and a geek!). Supportive and always able to find a handy piece of rope or a potato. Doodler on the other hand is well known for striking heroic poses and leading his legions of troops into battle We look identical except for the fact that one of us wears glasses which completely fools everyone.
More seriously though. The single date I went on was back in October with a very nice lady who I've known for a long time. She's run her own business, raised two kids on her own, is intelligent, thoughtful and funny. She's been divorced for about 15 years or so now. She even laughed at my jokes. We had a grand time but I stopped it after one date. There was no "warmth" there. She actually complained about many of the things you have mentioned. How she either meets men who are babies who want to be taken care of or who want to control her. I don't fall into either category and while I still quite like her and always have, she's not someone I could imagine building a life together with. She pushed for us to keep seeing each other for dinner and events as "just friends" but I stepped back.
Just perhaps something to think about.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Yeah - that eliminates me some more. There's a good reason you've never seen doodler and I in the same room. I'm his alter-ego. A marshmallow(y) kind of guy who tends to go along with the flow. I joked once to a friend that I'm the Samwise Gamgee of partners (and a geek!). Supportive and always able to find a handy piece of rope or a potato. Doodler on the other hand is well known for striking heroic poses and leading his legions of troops into battle We look identical except for the fact that one of us wears glasses which completely fools everyone.
AndrewP,
If only! I can be a huge marshmallow, particularly when I'm wearing my little black dress. You should google Jocko Willink. He's an ex-Navy Seal; one look at his picture and you'll be ready to drop to your knees and beg for your life.
I am also a timid forest creature.