We certainly have some similarities. I usually get a gut feeling and I need to ask questions to confirm it. Like the "are you interested in me" kind of thing. I can easily detect when something is off with someone or they aren't being completely forthcoming and I'll ask what's up, and sometimes it makes me look insecure. I've been working on that.
As far as her needing rescuing. Well, I understand everyone has some sort of baggage at this stage in life, I most certainly do, and it is all in how we carry it. She may not NEED the rescuing, but you have the tendency to do it. So you'll have to check yourself when you try. Being helpful is nice, but doing for others isn't necessary. I am a female rescuer. But I like to take the emotionally broken men and try to heal them, it doesn't work. my exh is case and point.
I am an avid watcher of the show "My 600lb life". I don't know if you have ever seen it, but it documents the weight loss journey's of the super morbidly obese. A common theme in all of these shows is the rescuer. These severely debilitated people are usually married and their spouses married them like that knowing they were signing up for a life of caring for them. When they lose the weight and want to be independent, the spouses usually don't like it, because their rescuer/caregiver role is diminished and they don't know how to truly be a spouse. Some seek therapy to learn how to be a married couple who love eachother but that love is derived from being needed.
There is some psychoanalysis for you. I am very interested in psychology and the dynamic of certain people, couples, ect.
I think one of my biggest hurdles in dating is the not needing anyone but wanting to just enjoy a person. Surprisingly enough, there aren't many relationships based upon that concept.
It is good to look for LTR characteristic, but for now, enjoy dating, doing fun activities with someone else, and a little romance.
so quick recap - Tuesday GG came to my office, I learned that she isn't really feeling it but does want to keep seeing each other to see if a deeper connection occurs;
Wednesday I told date girl from a month back that I wasn't interested in pursuing more, she put out a FWB offer;
Thursday, I was contacted by someone on OLD, we communicated Thu and Fri, made a plan to meet for coffee Sat around noon.
So Saturday morning I took a friend to the range, she had never shot a gun so I had offered to take her for her birthday. After the range, I headed over to meet the Lady I met on OLD, i'll call her Lovely.
Lovely is a few years older than me, she is still M (23 yr M, divorce will be final 6/28), but she has lived in a separate state for 3 years, says they lived separate lives for 4 years before that and calls her stbx her best friend. Said they talk twice a day and there is no ill-will there, they just grew apart romantically.
I had reservations before meeting her, she only had one picture online that looked like it had been filtered, and I only saw one other picture of her that was a screenshot of a FB memory. The filtered picture and the "older" picture had me concerned that she was going to look more aged than she was letting onto (my mom looks very young and I would have a hard time dating someone who looked older than her). But it turned out her OLD photo wasn't filtered and she does look very young.
Anyway, we met for coffee and I was very attracted, she is a country girl, grew up in SC, blonde and very very petite, completely my type (camo wearing & outdoorsy to boot). We got along well and before leaving she mentioned not having anything to do that night, so I invited her out for dinner (I was supposed to be in FL so hadn't made plans), and we made it a date.
So there are many red flags, but after my view of GG changing so much, I'm starting to worry that I may just be on the lookout for potential issues and that's causing me to be overly cautious too soon. so i'll get back to the flags after I get to know her better.
I picked her up around 7 Sat night to go to dinner, she was being sarcastic at dinner and made a comment suggesting that if I didn't like the sarcasm I could shut her up, so I kissed her. After dinner we walked around a little then went to my place for some drinks and she stayed over; I took her home yesterday afternoon.
When I looked at my phone in the morning I saw that GG had text'd me around midnight, said she was at a local Irish pub that we've been to, but it would be more fun if I was there too. At the time I didn't put much thought into it, I was happy where and with whom I was with, but now that I've said it here I find myself trying to mind read. 2 years out from BD and I still haven't improved the mind reading skills, but at the very least it feels good to know that she was thinking of me.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
I'm not sure there is even anything else to say after doodler's comment other than LOL.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
The poontang part,I am sure, at the very least was very enjoyable, and ummmmm, relieving??
I like to think I know you, even though I don't.....
But would you REALLY be ok with a woman who spoke to her ex-husband twice a day? I am the least jealous person, but I don't think I would be OK with that. Because I do not understand the concept of being "the best of friends" but "losing the romance" Then you should still be married and get that romance back, ya know what I mean?
Hey, enjoy the sexy time. But food for though. I hate to try to sound negative, because there is always SOMETHING, it is a matter of what we can deal with. Can you deal with a girlfriend who is besties with her ex-husband?
Hey man, if nothing else, it sounds like you've got the poontang part of the equation nailed down.
honestly, I'm definitely thinking with the wrong head on this one.. She's very attractive and I've been intimately lonely, so it has been fun and a stress reliever (even though there was no intercourse).
She came over again last night and ended up staying the night. The physical part is great, neither can keep our hands off the other and although no intercourse I'm pretty satisfied with what there is physically.
But the other part of the R, or whatever this is, scares the crap out of me. We have good conversation when talking during the day, but at night she turns into a completely different person (i have honestly wondered if there are drugs involved). She must have been hurt so many times; she is constantly telling me that I'm going to leave her, just disappear like everyone else. She gets jealous when I mention my girl "friends", she continuously brings up how I have a life and that I'm just gonna keep disappearing to do my own thing (camping/fishing/etc.).
I don't know if co-dependency, low self esteem, jealousy or what, but I don't like it at all. She was supposed to come over again tonight (last night was spur of the moment), but I told her this morning that I think it best we don't see each other again tonight.
I've told her that I can't be responsible for making her happy, I've told her that I want to "date" for awhile to make sure that I'm deciding to be with who is best for/with me, and not just fallow the temporary initial attraction. None of this seems to get through, and I'm frustrated as all get out. I really want to spend time with her, but I think she's too broken and will bring me down. She's mentioned that she's getting older and wants to find the one to settle down and grow old together, but she seems to want to skip the dating part to find out if I'm that one.
She has told me numerous times that it's all up to me, that she is all in and it's up to me if we stop seeing each other, that I have all the power (which is a very big turnoff). I told her that I want a partner, someone equal to me in a R, not less or more than me; she actually replied that she could never be equal to me, she would always be less. UNREAL..
I am meeting a buddy from FL a few hours from my house for a day of fishing tomorrow, then I'm leaving Thursday after work for a weekend camping trip, so I've got some time to refocus and start thinking with the head on my shoulders.
I'll be honest, there have been several times that she's said something that gives me pause, and I am pretty convinced that I've met someone either in or coming out of a MLC, too many things just don't add up, and there is definitely that kinda crazy going on.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Hey, enjoy the sexy time. But food for though. I hate to try to sound negative, because there is always SOMETHING, it is a matter of what we can deal with. Can you deal with a girlfriend who is besties with her ex-husband?
nope, actually when she told me that at our initial coffee meet, I almost ended the conversation then. I told her that I wouldn't be ok with that in my life and she quickly said that she doesn't have anyone else in her life so those talks mean a lot to her, to talk with someone that "knows" her, but she would end them if/when she finds someone else to talk to.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Hey, enjoy the sexy time. But food for though. I hate to try to sound negative, because there is always SOMETHING, it is a meet, I almost ended the conversation then. I told her that I wouldn't be ok with that in my life and she quickly said that she doesn't have anyone else in her life so those talks matter of what we can deal with. Can you deal with a girlfriend who is besties with her ex-husband?
nope, actually when she told me that at our initial coffee mean a lot to her, to talk with someone that "knows" her, but she would end them if/when she finds someone else to talk to.
I didn't get to read your other post, because I gotta go see patient's,
But I call BS on her! She'll drop her BFF ex husband for twice a day talks as soon as she has someone else to talk to?
I don't know if co-dependency, low self esteem, jealousy or what, but I don't like it at all. She was supposed to come over again tonight (last night was spur of the moment), but I told her this morning that I think it best we don't see each other again tonight.
Coconut,
You've got a Klingon. Alien nooky worked well for Captain Kirk because he could run away to the next planet. You just settled into a new location, job, house and friends; nothing good can come of a Klingon.
