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First of all, three responses out of 13 messages is an excellent response rate..

As for the gal whose pictures don't match her words - just because a woman has bought the societal message that her value is based on her sexiness doesn't mean she's not looking for a LTR. She just might be looking for a sexually fulfilling long term relationship - and wouldn't that be grand?

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So coconut, what is getting in the way?

All you need is some catchy non controversial comment to get you going. If they don't respond, just shrug it off. If they do keep on and respond.

It's not so hard, just stop the script in your head that says "noooooooooo........

Accept that card if she gives it to you, if she says I am taken well it's just pleasantry a flirty way to lightly interact.

I chatted to a guy today in the supermarket about red wine and we had a coffee in the coffee shop. I made a comment to an elderly couple about shopping trolleys having a life of their own and they introduced me to their son who had come to pick them up.

So in the coffee shop, you can joke about the rain diluting the coffee, or the type of cookies on sale. Just a simple opener and watch what happens. It's flirty and pleasant. Get over your fear of the casual remark. Some peeps respond others don't. If they don't back off. One guy had a great jumper, another a sassy sweat shirt. So I said I love your jumper looks great on you, he didn't respond so I backed off with a beaming smile. Who doesn't like to hear they look good?

It's just an opener. It won't hurt you. And in case you think I am an extrovert I am not. Just acting as if for 10 secs.

Can't help on OLD though!

I am strictly a IRL girl.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Oh and I hand over my card to the guy. I have an extra phone with a separate number.

If I get a text then I follow up. If not then it's ok.

V


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V 64, WAW


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thanks V, I know it's all in my head, I shall continue working towards that goal by just conversing at first, without the added pressure of trying to ask for contact info.

Saturday I volunteered at a Teach a Kid to Fish event that a couple of my kayak fishing buddies put on in conjunction with the city. They have been doing it for 14 years, they had 80 kids sign up so they put out the call for help from anyone who wanted to volunteer. The event was about 2 hours from me, but I didn't hesitate to volunteer and I am really happy that I did.

Most of the kids who came to fish (ages 8-15) had never fished before, there were only a few fathers that showed up, most of the kids came with their moms. We broke the kids up into 3 groups and then rotated them through 3 classes that lasted 30 minutes each. The coast guard came and did a water safety class, then we had a Casting a fishing pole class, and I did the how to tie a fishing hook / bait a fishing hook /and remove a fish from a hook. I was impressed with how well organized it was.

In one of my classes, while I was going around helping the kids individually I noticed one of the moms helping a few kids tie the knot and I was impressed (she was the only parent to help in all three classes), then I noticed she had a pocket knife on her and I was intrigued. After the kids went to all three classes fishing started, and the real work began. Within 5 minutes had 2 kids with their lines stuck in a tree, one kid with a birds nest on his reel and two kids who had tangled up with each other. Started putting in some work to get them back fishing ASAP.

After we had been fishing for about 45 minutes the pocket knife carrying - hook tying lady and her son came to my section to fish. I finished tying a few hooks for kids I had lined up and putting bait on them and then went to talk to her. We only talked for about 5 minutes but it was easy conversation and then I had to get back to helping the other kids. After fishing was over, everyone sat down while they started giving away prizes. They had a few tables set up to the side where the volunteers were hanging out and I saw that pocket knife lady was sitting in that area, so I went and sat next to her and we started talking again.

The whole time we were talking I was so disappointed that I met her so far from home and I saw the disappointment in her face when I mentioned to her where I lived. None the less, it gave me hope that I can do this, because I wouldn't of had any issue asking for phone number if I hadn't lived so far away. Her son won one of the grand prizes, a lifetime fishing license, that was pretty cool.

Yesterday I had the game night, about 30 minutes before start time I got a call from gg, her car had stopped running about 5 minutes from my house, she thought she ran out of gas. Long story short, couldn't get the car to start back up so I towed the car to my house and then played games. She got a ride home last night and she said she's going to ask a mechanic from her church to come look at it.

I'm trying really hard not to just save her, it would be easy for me to call a mobile mechanic and have them go take a look at it today and give an estimate. She doesn't have money, barely gets by, so hopefully her friend is able to help, but I live about 35 minutes from the church, it's a long way to travel (and bring tools) to work on someone's car.

I have come back down to earth when it comes to her, I don't think about her much when she's not around, I've been doing my own thing, but I do enjoy spending time with her.


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10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
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Coconut you are thinking forever R. V is thinking dating, ad hoc dating.

The occasional meal out with someone you can chat to sounds great to me.

Trouble is the investment before you get to that stage is paralysing you.

Go date, no commitment beyond the date.

Take it easy, you have the skill, get out of your own way.

You got this sewn up.

Go date.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Originally Posted By: Coconut

I'm trying really hard not to just save her, it would be easy for me to call a mobile mechanic and have them go take a look at it today and give an estimate. She doesn't have money, barely gets by, so hopefully her friend is able to help, but I live about 35 minutes from the church, it's a long way to travel (and bring tools) to work on someone's car.

I have come back down to earth when it comes to her, I don't think about her much when she's not around, I've been doing my own thing, but I do enjoy spending time with her.



I am so glad you caught yourself on this one. I was afraid I was reading along that you would be the rescuer and she is really just a lady in your meet up group you had dinner with.

She is also very capable of calling a mobile mechanic and getting an estimate set up. She's a big girl. Yes, money is tight, but her financial concerns aren't even nearly an ounce of your own.

I hate to say this, but there are women out there who set themselves up to be rescued because there are men out there who are willing to. And they know how to play them.

Ever get to the bottom of your rescuing tendencies?

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To answer your question Ginger, I never even looked into why I have rescuing tendencies, I suspect it may have a lot to do with the NGS, seeing rescuing as a way to earn favor.

As for GG, I kinda ended up helping her more than some would say I should have, but I tried to lay it out as an option and let her ask for it. I told her that if she needed to get her car towed, I had emergency roadside service on my phone and could get it towed for free to a shop if she needed it. She tried to get the mechanic to do it, but they don't have a tow truck, so she asked me if I could get it towed there and I did.. I didn't see this as a big deal as the car was at my house, so I didn't even have to wait by the car for the tow truck, they just called me when they got to my house and I went out and gave them the keys.

Also, I was talking to her on Tuesday and she started mentioning all the places she had to go, and how she'd lined up her ex MIL to take her to all these places. One of the places she mentioned having to go to was where I work (she didn't know), I told her that if she was going to leave there around the time I got off work that she could let her MIL leave and I would bring her home and stop at wherever else she needed to go on the way. She took me up on it, took her to two stores and we also stopped to get smoothies. In all, we were together for about 2 hours, I enjoyed the time and was well worth driving her around a little, even saved me the cost of dinner if it was a date (she paid for her own smoothie).

On another subject, a juicy subject, I met up with the group last night at a restaurant/bar where they were doing musical bingo. The girl that I went to dinner with over a month ago was there. She's been texting me quite a bit lately and sent me a nice fishing shirt a couple of days ago (which I later found out she got for free). Getting the shirt made me a little uncomfortable and then last night she was kind of following me around, I got the feeling that she was really into me and I don't see any R with her (but I do find her very sexy).

Anyway, after parting ways I called her on the way home and told her how I felt about her, she's fun, I enjoy hanging out with her but I'm not interested in pursuing a R with her. Somewhere in there I mentioned that I did find her very sexy and attractive, and the conversation went a totally different way than I expected, and she laid out the opportunity for a FWB situation if I was interested. Normally I would have shot that down quick since I know she has feelings for me, but she lives over an hour away and we don't see each other very often. I don't know where that's going to go, but I must say I enjoy the thought of it.


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Originally Posted By: Coconut
Anyway, after parting ways I called her on the way home and told her how I felt about her, she's fun, I enjoy hanging out with her but I'm not interested in pursuing a R with her. Somewhere in there I mentioned that I did find her very sexy and attractive, and the conversation went a totally different way than I expected, and she laid out the opportunity for a FWB situation if I was interested. Normally I would have shot that down quick since I know she has feelings for me, but she lives over an hour away and we don't see each other very often. I don't know where that's going to go, but I must say I enjoy the thought of it.
C Nut..... I just posted on my thread possibly having the same situation. It's funny how we(maybe just me) have some second thoughts regarding finding someone new or just a FWB posibility when my wife had no problem putting herself out there with zero thought of consequences. I guess it's just the mindset and morals that I have. What's wrong with having some fun?? Enjoy yourself!!


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Originally Posted By: dusty70
What's wrong with having some fun?? Enjoy yourself!!


Nothing wrong with it, heck, I need it.. Just want to be sure to keep myself in check, just going to let things happen, not going to start throwing out invites, etc..

So GG just stopped by my office, she was in the building again and wanted to say hi. Yesterday I had text Her about going out Friday, she agreed but said it needed to be near her house because kids would be babysitting themselves. She has a 14 year old, so I thought it was an odd comment, I asked her about it today and she told me the 14yr old wouldn't be home, so it would need to be short. I just told her that we can just do it another time, when it works out better.

Then after some banter, I told her that when we are together it seems to be great, but Something seems off overall and asked her if she is "interested" in me, she quickly replied that she isn't sure. Got the great guy, great catch, but she wasn't really feeling it overall speech. Anyway she said that she wants to keep getting to know me, she knows I'm a great catch and wants to see how things go. I appreciated the honesty, I kind of felt that was the case and it's nice to know I wasn't completely misreading her.


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while sitting here thinking about what I wanted to post, or more specifically how I wanted to say it, I was looking at my signature info, realized that tomorrow is 2 years from BD. Those dates hold absolutely no importance to me, other than when I try and tell people how long I've been separated from ex, I never think about any of them. Seems like a different life.

So after posting my previous post, I started thinking about why I asked her if she was into me.. I realized that I used to do similar things after BD, instead of just living in the moment and taking things as they come, I feel the need to "KNOW", to talk about things. She stopped by to see me unexpectedly, and I asked her if she wants to see me, really makes no sense. In the big scheme it really doesn't matter with her and my R, but I need to try to stop analyzing and just live.

There has been some talk about GG needing to be rescued, and that is my fault because I made assumptions about her while I was finding out about her life. I want to say that she has had a tough life (I don't want to get into specifics) that has forced her to live in a homeless shelter with 4 kids while trying to get back on her feet, having medical conditions that prevented her from working (she's looking for work now), heck the condition made her bed ridden for like 1/2 a year, she has to go to multiple medical appts a week, she doesn't have much money and her vehicle isn't very reliable, etc..

She has all that going on, but she handles her own $hit. She doesn't want to ask for help, she told me that she didn't like that I had to rescue her from the side of the road, and she takes care of what she can on her own. She has been taking the bus to get to places she needs to go, except for when her ex MIL and me offered to run her around that day.

Also, she is very mature as far as in looking for a R. We have talked about 5LL's, Gottman, and she explained to me about the importance of Religion to her in finding a LTR partner, and explained about being equally Yoked in a M (which I had never heard the term). She is open to dating someone she doesn't feel attracted to in an attempt to find a deeper bond. All in all, I believe that of all the woman I know, she is the one most likely to find and have a healthy LTR in the future.

In other words, yes she has baggage, but she does what she can to continue moving forward. She's gone through celebrating recovery program (not for addiction), she gets the medical treatment that she needs, she explores new things to challenge herself and find passion in her life, she home schools her kids because the schools around here suck. After everything she has been through, she gets back up, brushes herself off and takes another step.

Personally, I don't think she needs saving.


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
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