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25, I'm really happy your set went well. That's awesome! And I loved your jokes. When you get famous, and are hosting an HBO special at DAR Constitution Hall, I'll be able to say "I knew you when...." You should invite X an let the crowd know this part of the set is thanks to him.

Interesting that he asked D20 to visit him. I'm guessing 1) he didn't offer to pick up the airfare, and 2) he deflected her suggestion to come visit her. What a douche.


M:23 T:26
Me:53, Wife: 60
S:18
D:16
filed 7/16
W moved out 4/28/17
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I want to see 25's stand up!!!

Awesome job 25... that's great!

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Thank you, thank you very much...


You know, I'm guessing (b/c it's always a guessing game with x) that he will ANNOUNCE on FB his romantic over the top gesture about his new love and blah blah blah MARRIAGE...why not just elope or have a quiet discreet ceremony? Most 2nd marriages outside of Hollywood, do that. Especially when there are hurt feelings.

x's fan base up there, must either not know he has kids (not mentioned in his professional profile) or they ALL believe that I, evil 25, have managed to brain wash our grown children into believing he's - who he is.

Good thing there are 7 billion people in the world and he can only lie about me to so many of them...

but here's the 2 downers.

1) YES I am human and it hurts to feel discarded fully, by someone you really did love deeply. To believe that I was either never loved as I believed or simply am not now.

To believe he actually thinks I am to blame for any of HIS choices, still gets under my skin.

AND this^^^^ bothers me b/c it bothers me. You know?

I want to be indifferent but yet, I am not. Not yet.

I know in my head, "okay, now he's HER problem and she is HIS."

I get this^^^ but man, I have to do a ton of cognitive work to remember it. Maybe once the big happy day is over, I will feel the way I did about the divorce.

(as in "oh, that happened. And I'm still alive...hmm...")

2) he does not appear to think the kids are affected by this OR they should be happy for him.

He had spoken to d28 an hour earlier and said nothing, and only when brave BLUNT little d20 blurted out her questions - revealing how out of the loop they are from each other's lives

"are you dying/marrying/having a baby?" -- did x tell d20 that he IS marrying...and then he got vague on the date.

"Soon...in May..."

WTF?

But then, let's RE FRAME this. Grateful that A) Thank GOD the wedding is far away

(or so I assume. Watch him take Schmoopie to Paris for their honeymoon, like he promised ME he'd do. But he's cheap, so I'm not sure about that).

B) Thank GOD he has not asked our kids to be IN the wedding, which, I kid you not, a friend of mine's kids were asked to do and they did...

how she handled that, I'll never know.

C) Thank God that the last shoe to drop - as far as I know - will have dropped.

Closure will be as permanent as death would be b/c it is only then that we all will or can feel free to live our lives as if they are not in our audience - which is how we are supposed to be living now anyway.

I look back on that remark my x said over a year ago, before I knew of OW

when he said he hoped I had "moved on in my life". 4 months after separating from a 35 year marriage.

OMG what a flippant minimizing comment to make to allow him to blame ME for possibly being hurt by....something...

zero accountability. He deeply wounded and left the 4 people who loved him the most and he will NEVER even believe that b/c you know what?

He's shallow. And if there is shame without action, then it's worthless and the more I entertain the idea that he will regret this someday

the more I give him centrality in my life.

I miss what we once had and I sure miss the lifestyle of wealth, and the future I THOUGHT we would have.

Yes, I miss that and the shared history of so many events, and funny moments which he is apparently capable of erasing.

Me, trying to understand HIM - it's just not possible.

In the years I have posted here all, really, in an effort to understand and believe that my x was NOT a selfish narcissist, capable of long term deceit and major league cognitive dissonance -

I could have gone to medical school myself, AND written a novel.

In fact I HAVE written a novel of sorts, considering the THOUSANDS of posts I wrote here.

Somedays I SMH thinking of the denial I was in.

I do not regret the years I had with my children - I CHOSE THEM over earning money for "the family" b/c it was the right thing to do. Period.

I (usually) do not regret the things it's useless to regret now.

I also don't want to blame Schmoopie too much. I mean, I'm no fan, believe me. But I have no idea what x told her and he had some fairly smart people fooled.

But would you marry someone before meeting their kids?

Would you marry someone who has SUCH a bad relationship with his ex that he can only blame her for ALL problems and will not speak to her, and only emails or texts when HE needs something?

Would you marry someone who -- and maybe she doesn't know - lied on taxes and under oath, about income?

maybe you would, if you were marrying someone of equal calibre.

Or you don't want to look at those things (I DIDN'T!!)

or you want the money you believe will be coming soon...

and the idiot x will probably marry her without a pre nuptial and then gain a % of the ;partnership and then if they divorce,

schmoopie new wife gets half (or all of it if he dies) and our kids get nothing.

These folks really do not think things out, b/c they do not care enough to do so.

And that can feel devastating to spouses and children.

My kids are feeling it more now, whereas I have been working on the process of letting go of someone who let go of me awhile back.

And I am again trying to soothe pain HE inflicted on our children and he is utterly clueless about this.

Which might be worse than being cruel. Because cruelty requires intent, which MAYBE can change.

But cluelessness and the inability to feel empathy or imagine how someone ELSE would feel by YOUR action or words, is like a genetic flaw that is untreatable.

X does not seem to know he's different. Isn't that weird, but likely true? Like the only way he can take in the reality of his new GREAT life (without our children in it and without me seeing him as a friend), is b/c of some flaw in others.

Not his behaviors or choices. it's as if he perceives the world in a way that WE normals do not relate to at all.

Hmmm, food for thought.


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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Just one example

when x first went nuts (= "massive entitlement exposed", part 1) in 2006/07 he said that I "would do the same thing if I had the same opportunity."

I was flummoxed. WHAT?? No I would not.

He said "25, you LOVE acting (um, okay that's true...)

"and if you had the chance to be in a film with Meryl Streep - you would take it in a heartbeat!"

ME: you mean a film that took me away from our kids for 2 years?

X: well, yes...it'd be your dream

ME: No, I would not do that.

X: yes you would. Be HONEST...( I should have said "'honest'what's that?")

ME: NO x, I am 100% positive I would NEVER leave our kids for 2 years.

In fact, if the Pope himself told me to go to Africa and that I'd then be able to cure cancer and save millions BUT miss the kids lives for 2 years,

I'd have to talk a whole lot to the kids and pray hard AND if the kids did not consent, I would not go."

AND I meant every word of this^^^ and still do.


But my point is, x did not believe me. X thinks "everyone" would do what he did.


He thought that leaving your 2 d's at home with your w, after 25 years of m then, so you can do a fellowship 300 miles away (and not, btw, the closer fellowship)

and then leave again, for a JOB in a PLACE YOU love...Alaska and which no one else loves but in which we all had lived, FOR HIM...

sure, everyone does that all the time...

Only they don't. Good people don't leave their kids, or the mothers of their children. Good people don't lie. Good people don't steal or cheat or abandon and they are not cruel. Love is generous and honest.

H does not see this. H thinks - I believe - that ALL of his choices were due to others or to his natural entitled and well deserved "rewards."

So I leave to you fine folks to tell me, what would it take for you to leave your kids for 2 years, one of whom was entering her junior year of high school and the other was 8.

THINK HARD now...would it be "a lot of beer", "Free NFL tickets"?

a Billion$$ AND only after long talks with them to get consent?

My bff said she "might do that -for a BILLION$ "if I knew that the rest of my life would be spent making it up to them."

How about if I KNEW I could end war and for all time??? Okay, I confess, then I might do it...


OMG I AM JUST LIKE MY X.... proof^^^^^


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 723
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25, he may be able to convince people that you've brainwashed your GROWN children into thinking he's a bad guy, but anyone with two brain cells will be able to figure out that something doesn't quite add up.


M:23 T:26
Me:53, Wife: 60
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filed 7/16
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thanks Jim.

I have 2 very conflicting thoughts.

1) It infuriates me that he has trash talked me behind my back AND lied about me AND LIED TO ME, massively for so long my head still wonders about the stranger I loved since I was 19 y/o

AND


2) it infuriates me that I care about this^^^^ at all!

I have no control over it. His "data" is not real.

His "reasons" or his disorders or his FOO damage/MLC or his confusion/affair fog and blah blah blah whatever is in HIS head...however he justifies hideous behaviors

do not matter.


What matters is that he really was cruel to ME and to our children - and for quite some time.

And even more miserable during our divorce process. Lied under oath, a lot. Lied to our d20 about finances and cut off her tuition WHILE paying for OW's daughter to go on their trips...

He Appears utterly remorseless and possibly angrier at ME, than before...(SO WEIRD).

And now he is remarrying the AP...and told d20 "making an announcement soon" which I assume will be on Facebook ???

(wow, so classy AND brave)

But since what really matters is that I deserve way better than he gave - then my task is to let go of this crap and his centrality in my life, which I have done A LOT of, but then get sucked back a few steps with new "poop",

Again setting it down and turning my head forward and toward my children - to love them as I have for years --- "extra"

to compensate for their dad being "so busy"...so important, so entitled, SO GONE.

PLAN

By inserting my GAL and new life and focussing on the things I am creating, x's presence will get smaller and smaller, I hope and believe, and pray.

I mean, it has to. Will I ever really know why this happened? NO I WILL NOT.

So my mantras must be repeated - and if they help someone here, great.

1) Help me let go of the need to know why. I will never know why. And endless questioning is endless suffering. - Caroline Myss.


And

2) good riddance to lunacy/monstrosity & welcome new life.

Because truly, Only a lunatic or monster could do what x has done. I mean that.

So, removing lunacy/monstrosity from MY LIFE as I have done, really is a good thing.

And it's all I can control anyway.


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 723
J
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I completely understand how you feel. Her behavior bothers me a little, but what really bothers me is that her behavior bothers me a little.

Like you, I have to keep reminding myself "I deserve way better than x gave." And I find I am enjoying the independance, the GAL, the stability of life now.

My kids are undergoing a lot of turmoil right now. I'm doing everything I can to help them through it, but part of my journey is to get over my W blowing up our family, and dumping this burden on my kids.

Anyway, I just wanted to remind you know you're not alone. You'll get through this. How are things with that guy you were dating?


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Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
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Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
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Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
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