Ouch. We all feel your pain. All hope is not lost, however. Continue to do your 180s, and GAL. It's a long road to D, and she may yet have a change of heart. How did you take it? Did you get mad and yell, or keep your cool?
Like others have said, make her do the paperwork, but you need to see a lawyer to protect your interests.
As far as staying positive, that is sooooo hard. But allowing her to see you moping and depressed will not help you. Fake it 'til you make it!
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
No I took it horrible. The tears and all. I told her that I didn't agree and in sorry that she doesn't have the strength to fix it. Didn't yell. Didn't threaten. Offered to pay for her therapy while she deals with this and let her know i would not help with the filing since I felt it was not in our best interest to hurry.
No I took it horrible. The tears and all. I told her that I didn't agree and in sorry that she doesn't have the strength to fix it. Didn't yell. Didn't threaten. Offered to pay for her therapy while she deals with this and let her know i would not help with the filing since I felt it was not in our best interest to hurry.
This is why it was so important for you to read Cadet's links (see the very first response to your thread), and to read MWD's DB and DR books. If you were prepared properly, and you had plenty of time to get prepared, you would have been ready to handle this properly. Detached validation would have been a better approach.
But as stated, all is not lost. D is not an easy process. There are many steps and things she must do in order to see it through to the end. This gives you the gift of time. Go back read Cadet's links. Start 180ing and putting positive changes in place. Learn how to interact with her in ways that are productive and that won't make things worse. Detach. Validate. 180. Remember, the only thing you can control is yourself!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
No I took it horrible. The tears and all. I told her that I didn't agree and in sorry that she doesn't have the strength to fix it. Didn't yell. Didn't threaten. Offered to pay for her therapy while she deals with this and let her know i would not help with the filing since I felt it was not in our best interest to hurry.
This is OK Kindred. It is honest and you have had a rough break serious brain surgery which has an unknown effect.
Be kind to yourself. Be very kind and ensure you look after your health.
Nothing wrong with tears, your W is a walkaway not a wayward and it's very different as a dynamic.
Hugs
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
It's weird maybe lts the subject matter or the situation. I have the DB book and it's taking me alot longer to get thru it. Can you explain the difference between wayward and walkaway I get the basics but how the diffrent dynamic
So my wife is meeting with the marriage counslor. I guess having an all expense paid therapy schedule is hard to pass by. Hopefully if nothing else I get more info I can use to work on me. Things I'm missing and what not. It [censored] to have the brutal truth shoved at you but Im the guy who needs that
A wayward is one who cheats with a partner, their mindset is one of a lying cheating scrot they usually deceive, sneak away, are all over the place, possibly abusive. Often unrepentant. You don't know how they will behave and are entitled. Could say more but that's the direction. A cheater cheating is their behaviour as an LBS you have no say at all and can't control them. Their affair partner is often Plan A and the LBS may be plan B, C or Z.
A walkaway is often a spouse who has been neglected, cheated on, treated poorly and has had enough. There is no other OP and actual no plan. The LBS can be one to Tango and validate. Work on themselves and stand a chance of putting together something that may resolve the sitch.
ThE two should not be treated the same.
Sandi has great advice and threads on a wayward wife mindset.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Thx for the explanation. So with it being a walkaway just keep working on me and just do the changes? I've been enjoying the therapy and I'm seeing some changes that I'm loving so it's worth the money for sure but with her wanting to sell the house I feel like I have my back against a wall
Thx for the explanation. So with it being a walkaway just keep working on me and just do the changes? I've been enjoying the therapy and I'm seeing some changes that I'm loving so it's worth the money for sure but with her wanting to sell the house I feel like I have my back against a wall
Absolutely, Sandi rules are absolutely for you. 100% for sure.
You become a winner working on you, there is no downside
1. If you R then it's a brand new R with an improved you.
2. If you don't then you are much better placed for going forward
3. As you travel through your journey it will give you focus and purpose.
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There is a technique called reframing, which means seeing something different in anew issue. So let's consider selling the house, instead of my back is against the wall (poor thought), you could try
Selling the house will allow me to save If we R then a new home might stop us from falling into old patterns It means we get rid of..... It means I can....... I will feel freer to.........
So can I suggest you try reframing, putting a new perspective into it. Making it ok?
Over to you
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
So my wife is meeting with the marriage counslor. I guess having an all expense paid therapy schedule is hard to pass by. Hopefully if nothing else I get more info I can use to work on me. Things I'm missing and what not. It [censored] to have the brutal truth shoved at you but Im the guy who needs that
Kindred, so I assume you mean meeting the MC together? Or is she meeting separately?
Either way this is a good sign, unless you think she is just going through the motions to later say, "Hey, we tried counseling!" Some wives do that but I think a good MC can see through that.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
