25years mlc 10 years pass I FILE #9 LAST LAP

[25yearsmlc]

Thanks Jim!

[25yearsmlc]

I did it.

I did stand up comedy based on

1) the end of my 35 year marriage;

2) seizures that scared the crap out of me and have altered the past 18 months of my life, and

3) online dating.

All 3 are scary but the first 2 are among the most painful things I have ever experienced.

Humor does NOT work for everyone, but it sure helps me know I'm "past" a certain point in my life that these things are simply not killing me anymore. That I've mastered them SOME. If they were not painful at all, they'd probably be a lot less funny and I can tell that the crowd was with me, if you know what I mean.

Oh, and yeah, it was maybe the tightest set I've ever had. Nothing fell flat and that was new for me. I mean, ALL new stuff and not one joke didn't land. Geez, what a high.

Dang, if I were more computer literate I'd post the video around here.

Then again, if i were more computer literate, the picture that young guy from Colorado sent me


(which I SWEAR I thought was a picture of Colorado!!!)

wouldn't now be my screen saver...

[kml]

Hahahahaha!!!!

So glad your set went well! Congrats!
What joke got the biggest laugh?

[25yearsmlc]

The online dating joke did,

and as for x and me, the "reframing" (ie denial I was in) best laugh was either

"couples have differences, yin and yang, that counter balance each other...

Like I have a really bad sense of direction....(pause) whereas HE is a pathological liar, so...

there's that."


And jokes about how I "reframed"

---
"when he would hide rice and pasta and gluten products on the top shelf where I couldn't see or get them -

I'd REFRAME it so that he was just protecting me from the celiac disease ...which, guess what,

I NEVER HAD! So, there...

AND ...he taught me to jump!...

you wouldn't know it to look at me, but after 30 plus years, I can jump really high, for gluten. Turns out, I like spaghetti."

[25yearsmlc]

Also learned that he IS remarrying. And Soon...turns out HER daughter needs braces and she likes his money and blah blah blah.



The same OW he was with when he announced her as the "love of his life" - weeks after we separated.

In my HEAD I know he's her problem now. In my HEAD I know he's no loss to me.

and yet, Ouch. Heart still not all caught up

[Vanilla]

Ahhhh yes

There is that pasta thingie again.

I thought I would share my post with Focus and yours above with her. It's almost definitely rigeur for there to be a pasta issue of one kind or another. Absolutely mandatory, in fact I always ask why not a problem with pasta? What is wrong with my WH if there is no pasta issue? But hiding pasta, secretive pasta? That's brand spanking new so I have added it to the Pasta collection.

Frankly my dear.....

I think just a big dollop of humour might do you good, so sit next to Lady V and let me tell you a few home truths.

Your A hole cheating on you says nothing, nothing about you. It's his A hole that is talking.

Let's just look at failings shall We?

I will give you a few choice ones from my own history and those on the board


1. I failed to make the evening meal at 6:30 every evening

He dipped his wick many times, it's my fault because I didn't give him cake by 6:30, so he had to get his cake in slices elsewhere.

2. I served the wrong shaped pasta. (This is a very common complaint and so heinous that it merits divorce)

That is completely my fault and it caused him to cheat, if only I had served penne not spirals. It's my fault I own up, truly I do. He had to go to Italy to get the proper pasta from an ex stripper, clearly that was necessary.

3. I am too short (Rosalinda)

As a result WH went and chose an OW that was even shorter, but she wears heels and serves fermented oatmeal. So that was OK despite catching a nasty disease, after all it could be cured with fermented oatmeal. And besides OW got it from a toilet seat which obviously wasn't wiped clean.

4. I wasn't well I got pneumonia and Swiss cheese jaw.

As a result he went and cheated which put my sexual health at risk, but as I was unwell that didn't matter at all. My health is already damaged more won't hurt.

5. I have a messy closet (Sunny)

That is a crime against humanity, it's disgusting and justifies WH cheating with a co worker. She has a tidy closet and that makes all the difference, so Sunny deserved it. It was a crime along with the wrong shaped pasta.

Let's face it these are shameful crimes, we are to blame for these jerks straying putting our health at risk and for how we treated them. Noooooooooo

This was a decision by [censored] face to dip his wick not yours. You were faithful and loving, made a home and all the things a loving wife does. He cheated not once but twice. Twice and that's square fault on disease crud face.

Yes I can keep those crude potty mouth sayings coming.

If you look at pus loins and his open crotch huskies in a disgusted light then I really think this shame will go away.

Go shout on the roof tops 'I am ashamed my [censored] faced turd cheated on me twice as it's my fault he did because I am unworthy to lick his entitled shoes. He did so because I didn't serve the right pasta, have a tidy closet and wasn't tall or young enough. I might even have a muffin top and cellulite.'.

Now shove that back to dirt bag where it belongs. Him and his schmoopie. Have you watched TrueTori with Tori Spelling no knickers and Dean Mcgroin crud bottom? Suggest you Google them on YouTube especially when Tori met Dean's ex wife. Then tell me who is the lady? Try Christie Brinkley and her ex Peter Cook. I think the tide is turning on turds in that industry.

Try watching youtube and seek out my wife has whisker burn. Watch the whole series of cartoons and roar with laughter.

It's no more your fault than an earthquake, ash cloud, the invasion of Iraq, banking crisis or sub prime lending issue. If you decide not to own it and pass it back to dumb pus loins and his Schmoopie then that is where it belongs. I give you permission to roar with laughter.

And next time serve the pasta you want to serve.

See it has a mandatory connotation!

I once asked the G why he lied about his As. He said he didn't lie I merely hadn't asked him.

Wassock.

V

[SteveLW]

Good job 25! You seem to be handling things very well, and continuing to GAL. You are an inspiration for all of us!!

[25yearsmlc]

well thanks all,

X told d20 after she asked him outright, if he was 1) getting married, 2) having a baby or 3) dying.

He said "getting married really soon, in May..."

and asked her, separately, if she'd come visit him in Alaska. She said "no thanks, YOU come see ME in college..."

no plans for that to my knowledge.

d28 began to cry when she heard it and said "even though [she] knew it was likely, it feels sad to her. Like 'wow, there was no grand lesson for him after all."

I think she meant that she hoped she'd feel like a higher priority to him, or a priority at all.

But maybe this is the only way to get some form of closure on x, other than him dying.

If he screws me again on the taxes (and does not give me the money he promised me in writing, I will

consider


telling everyone....or something. I'm too disgusted with him putting the wedding announcement on OUR youngest child to, you know, 'pass on...'

what a pwssy he is and always has been a coward.

If given a choice between an easy lie and a hard truth, the lie wins every time

[25yearsmlc]

V

of course the problem with pasta IS - THAT IT IS PASTA...


YOU know, the whole gluten thing. But I'm delighted to say I've lost weight AND still eaten gluten,

and I'm feeling a tad petty and not too proud to say Schmoopie has gained 15 lbs. This also delights me as I do not believe her IQ went up accordingly.

I assume she's PALEO but in any event, soon he will let her know her body fat% b/c HE CARES...

after all, HE'S A DOCTOR!!!

[Vanilla]

Schmoopie has gained 200lbs. (Plus the 15lbs). Obviously loves pasta with cheeeeeeese.

A great big wart on her personality.

And you lost 200lbs of dead weight.

Honey, you go sing to the world about dirt scotum master jerk wad.

V