Thank you for asking, but more tof the point how are you?
How is the healing going? Career, family......
You are right this recent episode with the G sleeping on the bench in the back garden in a snow storm was triggering, just this side of crazy.
He keeps going back to my L saying he has no money to support his lifestyle! For a 9 month M!
I am the main breadwinner and have fought to stay afloat. Taking on extra work and cutting back until it bled. Of course he won't get more from me, but he claims he was taken advantage of by me financially. At least that's what he keeps telling the court in the next round of legal abuse. In many ways my sitch is like many men on here who are the fin supporter of their families. This isn't a sex bias thing, it's an asset bias thing.
I just handle it.
That's all one can do. Treat this whole damn thing as a big life lesson. Having said all that I am studying law at a prestigious college and it's so good for my mind.
Gradually lost 55 lbs with 15 lbs more to go. Getting fitter but stuck with the extra which I don't like at all. So exploring choices, only thing I haven't done is stop eating altogether (fasting) although I juice fast and started healing, been doing that since Oct 2015. But I am stuck so change it up.
I still study psychology and as you know did a counselling and psychotherapy course for abused peeps. I got my NLP qualification too.
So with that in mind recently spent some personal time looking at epigenetic and am going to change my diet and exercise program accordingly.
I keep busy and I GAL too. Started jiving again which is so fun. Music and exercise.
Even dipped my toe in the dating world. On line dating isn't for me, had some scammers and thank you had enough of being conned!
My latest research project is to look at how physiology and psychology interact. I would like to sharpen my few remain brain cells looking at autophagy. What has struck me with full force is what damage waywardness does to the wayward. The mindset and lifestyle, I subscribe to a service where I can examine abstracts on my chosen subjects.
There are some fascinating studies on the degeneration and decompensation of the mentally ill and those with personality disorders. The prevalence of serious degenerative disease, advanced aging, senility, life style induced parkinsons and other degenerative diseases of kidneys and the liver. This is as compared to those who become ill as a result of genetic or exposures. The wayward in general has a poorer prognosis.
I was interested partly because I noticed how at a point in the cycle of abuse the target goes 'uggggggggg.....' and observes ugliness in the abuser. I have also observed that this appears to happen here when the LBS goes 'uggggggggg.......' sometimes it's something as simple as seeing that stare of malice and at others it can be the misuse of a child or a new OP.
Then it occurred to me that this wasn't anger, although I love seeing anger in a sitch as it usually marks a big change. For me I have no anger, no vengeance no requirement to forgive. Then it struck me my spell break was around disgust. Duh! For an emotional sophisticated individual that took some time.
Then it struck me that disgust was a marker in a sitch. When a poster goes 'urgggggg' and until they do they don't detatch. Disgust is a prime human emotion driven by the autonomic nervous system. It's something I am working with, quietly and in my own way. This is partly because through the G I learned to be disgusted with myself and from there is a short step to the state of despising oneself. Not good but that was how low I had sunk, I even wrote contempt wasn't a boundary. It is now.
Despising is different from shame or guilt. None of this is pleasant although the recent shadow work I did to accept that this exists was very helpful. Even empaths have a dark side.
But anger, disgust and joy won't get us to detachment. The opposite of love which is a body state and a choice isn't hate but indifference. So I cycle between indifference and disgust with the G. Shadow personality indeed.....
No longer Vanilla but Charcoal.
Pleased to say health is so much better with extreme care. At some stage when I have more formed views then will ask focus to help to add a recovery (extreme self care) thread to the abuse threads. It's vital to get that right as each of us has our own path to healing and self care.
Each sour cycle, (no longer get the sweet part) of the G, leaves me reeling, incidents are getting further apart and I am recovering more quickly. Getting more proactive too. Some of it makes me belly laugh.
Not looking for an R but I want to date a little. Sometimes I cope and at others Nooooooooo. Had a few pleasant coffees but no real sparks fly. A lovely young man is now a friend and I have someone I am very attracted to at dancing. He is single too and seems to like me a little. We shall see.
These are big baby steps for sure. I am expectING big reaction from the G if he discovers I am dating. Mainly because he wants money and will figure I have recovered financially if I am dating. So I keep it all on the downlow and away from my village. It's a great plan.
That was more than you asked, but it is always helpful to respond.
Hugs
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
A is no longer available, he is in an R and has moved away, so I guess he (eventually) asked his lady out, otherwise (maybe) as they say 'she jumped' and he stayed still.
Good for him.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
A complete city of quirky, arty, student focused, seaside city. It has history culture and tat. The city of gay pride and carnivals.
I love it, and I love going there.
It is quintessentially English with eccentricity. Whole shops are dedicated to the out and out funky. It has night life and fish 'n chips. Within striking distance of Gatwick.
If you fancy a trip let me know.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I'm not at all familiar with Brighton, but what a fabulous gift for your friend. GREAT idea! I love gifts like that...so heartfelt. Way to go, V!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Mwah! Morning Darlin V ... or good afternoon in your neck of the woods ... stopping by to say cheerio and to tell you that i'm sending hugs all the way across the Atlantic ... brave of you to venture over to my chickpad on the darkside xoxoxoxo nice to "see" you there xoxoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Omg the g sleeping on the bench In The back yard!!!!!!
That's gold, that would make me so uncomfortable.
I've been getting sent messages by mutual friends and tbh I don't want to hear them. Stuff like xh2 and ow are building a Mc mansion at a coastal location. On one hand I don't care on the other I want them to Bulid it and go, be gone like the Shakespeare's play "out out d@mn spot! " or the goodies fri. The '70's.
S is unhappy in his job, and wants to change it. He has big loans so he will have to be careful with his money, that's outside my control.
It's good your still moving forward, you sound happy sounds like he's not tho.
The back yard!!!!!!