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well done M ... proud of you girlie! xoxoxoxo mwah :*


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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mleigh4 Offline OP
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Hi Friends, it's been awhile!

I wanted to check in and update with the latest. It's only been 4 months since I have been here, but it feels like a year!

As far as H, we got the settlement agreement prepared and signed. It wasn't easy, typos had to be fixed before he signed, H felt it was drawn up by a child, but after I rewrote it and asked the paralegal to copy word for word, H signed it.

I finally filed for D about a month ago, with settlement agreement attached. For those of you who traveled this path with me, some from the very beginning, you know this wasn't easy. Hand shaking, tears welling, I did it.

H was served this last week. The server said he was calling him for a couple weeks with no reply, H says he never got the calls. After calling H out on it, he met up with the server. H followed up with the strangest text that night, to let me know he got the papers, followed by him having lunch with a co-worker, and that the server said he was the nicest person he ever served, and that he he had friends interested in being hired for HVAC that he was going to send H way. I wanted to reply, so glad the experience was so pleasant! Of course you were happy, it's not normally the person who decided on D being served!! But I continue to take the high road and just replied ok.

So that's where things are with STBX. Every once in a while, I still hear that questioning voice, was this the right thing to do? It feels right and I suppose just something I may never know, as far as what if I had continued to do nothing. All I know, after 5 years, that wasn't working for me. We only communicate in regards to S, no more than that. I am fine with that. I still think he has become strange, just not the person I knew. An old friend ran into H recently and told me she didn't even recognize him because he is so thin and older looking. He had a recent health scare with a virus and odd liver test results, but seems to be ok now.

Now, for the wonderful things in my life! S started middle school last week. He has been placed in the advanced classes with warnings of it being rough but worth the new challenges, and they are optional so that if it's too much he can be transferred out. The first few days were rough! 2 projects and 2 1/5 hours of homework every night! But as kids are transferring out, S is choosing to stick it out and is easing into the new routine. The teachers are promising this is the hardest part and it will get easier so he is holding onto that and giving it his all. I am so proud of him and his ability to work through it instead of giving up. I assured him I support him no matter what he decides. This weekend we have been working on a project together and I get the feeling he is actually enjoying this! He seems to like the school and, no joke, has his best friend in every class! He is growing and changing, but we maintain that closeness and trust. We are adjusting to the new drop off and pick up schedule, and thankfully my job is fully cooperating so I am able to do both. S is my world and knows it smile

Speaking of my job, I have been given 3 raises in the last year! That will cover the health benefits I need once I come off of H plan.

I joined the church I was going to for my divorce classes, and wow, church has changed since I went when I was younger! I really enjoy going and I swear, the services speak to me. The church is so casual, welcoming and friendly, I just love it. My D classes start back up next week which I plan on attending again. I also am going to a connection luncheon next month to meet other new members and the pastors. I so look forward to meeting new people and becoming more involved in my community.

As far as friends and personal life....I still struggle with feeling distant with people. I am super busy and don't have much free time, but when I do, I choose to either run errands or have me time. I have been pulling farther and farther away from friends, especially the closest. She is questioning it and I have been telling her I'm busy....but between you and me, I just can't connect with the girl. After numerous times of asking her not to ask me about H or dating, she constantly does. She is fun and bubbly, but other than that, she just doesn't get it.

That brings me to where I am now. My main focus is S and my own self care. I had a physical recently and checked out super healthy, which is great news. I do feel I have some mental health issues going on, possibly depression, which I talked to my Dr. about and will follow up with her on. I have a lot of ups and downs lately and in the past always knew how to snap myself out of, but the lows are more frequent and ability to feel happy is harder lately. I am hoping this is just a phase, possibly caused by the D becoming real? The only time I truly feel happy is when I am with S and my fur babies.

Speaking of fur babies....JOB you will love this. I was leaving a restaurant about a month ago and walking to my truck, heard this crying sound. There chasing me down the street was a kitten. My first thought was oh no, this is the last thing I need right now, another thing to add to my plate! I picked him up out of the street and put him back on the sidewalk hoping he would run to one of the houses. Nope. He chased me back to my truck. To make a long story short, I took him home and posted on community sites to find his home. I had him checked for a chip, no luck. S immediately fell in love with him and told me he isn't going anywhere, so I have a third fur baby. I figure this must be a joke from the man upstairs, I should have been clearer when I wished for a loving, cute and loyal male! Lol

Anyway, overall life is good, just in a weird and unknown place right now. My faith is helping and I am learning to hand the worries over, but it's hard sometimes. My life consists of work, school, pets and sleep, but that is pretty much my doing and choice. Being a hermit feels safe right now, but I have no doubts that things will brighten, just not sure how or when.

I hope the best for everyone here, I really should have no complaints because being free from the MLC is a blessing. I think maybe the 5 years of limbo and hoping took its toll on me. This too shall pass.

Xxoo
M


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
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I am so glad you returned to post an update.

So much going on in your world. I know you had doubts about what had to happen, but you've struggled w/your STBX for quite some time and he wasn't improving. You have done all you can and now you need to leave him in the hands of the man up above.

I can't believe your son is middle school! He will do very well in the advanced classes. He needs challenges because he is such an intelligent young man. You will see him grow in many different ways this year.

As for fur babies...congratulations! They have a way of finding their new owners. So, what did you name the newest addition? Color? You and your son will love him just as much as you do the others.

You sound good...don't ever doubt yourself. You tried everything to make your marriage work. Sometimes dropping the rope completely and divorcing them is the only way to save yourself.

Please take care of yourself and don't be a stranger. I look forward to reading about your new adventures in the coming months.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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mleigh4 Offline OP
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Hello friends,

Here we are at the holidays again. Did they come really fast this year or is it just me??

Just wanted to do a quick check in and say hi.

JOB, to answer your question, we named our new kitty Cricket because he has long legs and feet! He is a black and white tuxedo cat and has been a huge blessing to our home. He is a companion cat and is always by either myself or S. We just adore him!

I am doing well, still very much a homebody, even more so with winter here. I am using the time to continue working on me, accepting I am almost fully divorced and figuring out how to live this new chapter in my life.

H managed to again stall the D by filing a response to what we filed together! He caused a stall by saying he had to have me served, which months later still didn't happen, so I finally went to my paralegal who clarified that was not necessary and she was able to proceed with paperwork. I questioned H why he did that? He said he filed to change the date of separation from when he moved out to when I moved out so it would reflect less than 10 years together married. That is the "magic" number in Cali for spousal support. The thing is, I already waived that in the filed agreement! It goes to show he is still out for himself and to take stabs at me. I got so irritated with him and told him to stop playing games and follow through on the D he wanted! Oh, and a few days before that I had gotten an email from a flower site reminding him that Jessica's birthday is coming up. My name is not Jessica! But we used to share my email so it must be linked to the flower place account from when we were married and he sent ME flowers. Anyway, I told him he was gross, certainly did not envy a girl getting flowers from a still married man, and to do the right thing by finalising the divorce so he can send her all the flowers he wants! He of course denied he knows a Jessica or what that email was about. Of course! He also said nothing about the fact I was waiting to be served when that wasn't even the case? So strange.

Anyway, I still am a bit stuck in feeling the anger of it all. I can't stop wondering why he didn't fight for us and our family. Why he didn't love me enough. Why couldn't we have learned by our mistakes and worked through them to be closer and stronger instead of having them end our marriage? I need help letting this go, I see it.

I am still going to church and the services help me very much. I do yoga, eat healthy and exercise. I do all the right things but need to learn how to let this go. Our D should be final by April I am told. I hope with that closure I can continue to heal. It doesn't help that people express their confusion with H actions. A co-worker even says she sees feelings there between us!? H tries so hard to be this nice guy and it makes it all so much harder.

S is doing great, still thriving in school and with his friends. I continue to live each day around him and I love it. I feel like right now I just need to focus on him and taking care of myself. He is growing more Independent and I feel the separation of needing me happening, so I am finding more time on my hands. Time to start finding some hobbies and things to keep me busy. I still am not interested in dating and wont even consider it until I am no longer married.

Next year brings a new life and big changes for me. I can feel it and am nervous, excited and hopeful.

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and good things to come in the new year.

Xxoo
M


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
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Merry Christmas to you and your son, as well as your fur babies.

I am not the least bit surprised that your h stalled on the divorce papers. Many of them seem to do this.

He reminds me so much of my xh, i.e., the flower situation. They either don't remember or hope that we will discover that there is a third person in the mix. Sometimes I tend to sway toward us finding out and finishing up the dirty work of a divorce so that they can say we were the ones that filed. Whatever the reason, I'm glad you let him know about it.

Your son is an amazing young man and is growing up very quickly and it won't be long before his interests and hobbies will be done independently and you will be there observing on the sidelines. As for new hobbies, etc., I know you won't be sitting very long and will find things of interest to do.

You've come a long way and have done an amazing job of raising your son and being patient w/your runaway. May the new year bring you many wonderful surprises throughout the year.

Hugs and best wishes to you and your little family.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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