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A Message from Michele
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Re: Bye bye limbo -- it's time for a change [Re: mleigh4] #2782069
03/18/18 12:51 PM
03/18/18 12:51 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,373
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HaWho Offline
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HaWho  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,373
Mleigh - I am just hoping for your sake that your h still remains fairly docile through this whole process.

Like you, I just want to be through this all and to have peace.

I think of you often and hope this leg of your process is more peaceful than mine. We will get through this as all others here have.


Me: 41 H: 47, M 15 yrs., S11 & S13
BD # 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD # 2: 3/31/15 H moves downstairs to his "dorm room"
8/15: H moves to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files
Re: Bye bye limbo -- it's time for a change [Re: mleigh4] #2783045
03/27/18 01:34 PM
03/27/18 01:34 PM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,445
CA
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mleigh4 Offline OP
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mleigh4  Offline OP
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M
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,445
CA
Hi guys,

Saw lawyer today. Finally! I had to wait 2 weeks but you know, I did a real good job of putting it aside until then. So she tweaked me petition a bit. It might freak out H a little, but it is to protect me until we have everything in writing. She said just in case things go south. That's her job, to think that way, right? So I will just let H know that and hope for the best.

She also agreed to review things as we go along, since I already have the paralegal preparing the paperwork. I just need to give her 1k deposit to be considered a priority client. I get back what I don't use and she can see me or answer questions over the phone. Otherwise I can deal with her on an appt basis but only when she can squeeze me in.

I just got that big tax refund, so I figure I will go the deposit route so I have her back up. What do you guys think? Sound good?


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Re: Bye bye limbo -- it's time for a change [Re: mleigh4] #2783069
03/27/18 11:11 PM
03/27/18 11:11 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,307
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline
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bttrfly  Offline
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I like that they fee is a reasonable amount for a non contentious situation. Make sure you remain in control of the situation at all times. Xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
BD April 6, 2015
D Final 12/23/16

Gratitude, love, compassion, humor, service

"And the days that I keep my gratitude higher than my expectations, well, I have really good days"
Re: Bye bye limbo -- it's time for a change [Re: bttrfly] #2783073
03/28/18 12:36 AM
03/28/18 12:36 AM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 25,128
Maryland
job Offline
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job  Offline
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Posts: 25,128
Maryland
I am glad you are having a lawyer look things over and be there for you. Sounds like the fee/condition is very reasonable.

Re: Bye bye limbo -- it's time for a change [Re: job] #2783726
04/02/18 11:39 AM
04/02/18 11:39 AM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,445
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mleigh4 Offline OP
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mleigh4  Offline OP
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M
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,445
CA
Hi there,
Bttrfly, you hit it on target. The lawyer and all the legal mumbo jumbo she brought up had me a little anxious, but the way I calmed myself was by remembering that I am in control. Thank goodness because I can see how lawyers can turn a calm situation into a battle. She had a real hard time believing that H and I are so amicable. I remembered what you said, to go in knowing what you want. I am keeping it that simple. She was helpful in reminding me what is really important ....

When H checked out on our marriage and finally left, S and I rebuilt our life and our home. We are truly happy, our world is calm, and that peace is more important than anything else. We have the gift of staying in our home and not dealing with finding a place in this crazy market, that is all I hoped for.

Job, I am glad I saw her too. Hopefully things will go smooth through this process, but at least I have her to fall back on if it doesnt, and believe me, H would not want that because she is a bulldog.

Today I had my follow up appt with paralegal. I was prepared to sign petition and file. We talked a bit, about the process, about lawyers. She asked questions and agreed it sounds like me and H basically agree on things and that I seem to know what I do and don't want. She said to save time and money and keep it simple, me and H can sit down, go over all aspects we agree on and write it down. She will prepare the agreement, we both go in and sign it, and she attaches it to the petition to file. No court, no lawyers, simple. Exactly what we want.

So that is the plan. I continue to do my research, talk to people, hear other divorce stories, and will reach out to the lawyer if I have any questions....but I am pretty confident in where I am at. I have had enough time to tell what feels right and what doesn't.

S and I are on spring break this weekend. We go to a rented beach condo tomorrow for a couple of nights, with dog of course. Definitely in need of some soul soothing!

Had dinner with some friends the other night and was told I should be over this by now. I gotta tell you, those comments still really sting, but I have learned how to brush it off. I am very proud of myself for taking my time, for taking the time to heal, for not rushing into any major decisions, for making sure there was not a chance of reconciliation keeping my side of the street clean....sadly those 2 friends can't say the same in their own divorce history.

I intend to catch up this week on the boards, I hope everyone is well.
M


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Re: Bye bye limbo -- it's time for a change [Re: mleigh4] #2784338
04/06/18 10:47 AM
04/06/18 10:47 AM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,445
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mleigh4 Offline OP
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mleigh4  Offline OP
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Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,445
CA
Vacation - a great time to relax, catch up on things....or....too much time on your hands which leads to too much thinking!

I talked with H, we plan to sit down in next week or two to go over agreement.

Yesterday was his birthday. The last two years he was away on an annual business trip during his birthday. This year he said it's later in the month so he was home. I am wondering if he was passed up this year to go, or were they really business trips, but we will see if he is telling the truth. I made his annual birthday brownies for S to give him. Even though he basically ignores my birthday, eh, I want to be a better example for S.

I notice that being nice to H is easier knowing that we have begun the divorce process. I feel freer to just be the nice me, without it seeming like I am trying to get him back. I am just being myself. It feels good. We always have pleasant interactions at pick up and drop off, I am proud that we keep that peace going for S.

H continues to show some strange behaviors though. I don't see as much anymore since I rarely see or talk to him, but his paranoia is still there. We needed something from his house for S school project, he wasn't home, I asked if S could use the hidden key to go in and grab it, he replied that the project instructions were in his room, (why) and that he locks his bedroom door when he leaves the house. So let's get this straight. He has cameras outside and INSIDE his house, and locks his bedroom door, in a house he lives in alone. I just think it's all weird. If you remember, he did the same thing when he lived in the spare room before moving out. He would stick a piece of paper in the door to see if the door was opened.

I wonder if this comes from his younger years? He had told me his mom would go through his room....

Also, S and I went to an orientation at his middle school that he will be starting this year for some advanced classes they offer. H wasn't able to make it because of work, but he came by after to hear about it. He was able to listen for about 5 minutes, then he was off asking S to run and jump while he records it in slow motion on his phone. I know, boys will be boys, he just seems so out of touch with being a serious adult sometimes. He just wants to play.

So, that's what H does. He runs around doing who knows what with who knows who, always says he is busy with plans if something is needed, like he is a single 22 year old or something...but wait! He is still a married man! He continues to forget that.

I am still going to my divorce class. I was hit on by one of the men who goes. I suppose people deal with this pain differently, but that isn't my way, and I let him know. It's actually pretty brilliant, to go to these classes to prey on vulnerable women....lol...he made a bad choice with me. It won't stop me from going though, there are only a few left.

So, with all this time on my hands this week, I think about H, I get angry that he lives so single while still married, and doesn't seem to care. I have no proof of bad behavior and assume alot but my instincts tell me he is definitely hiding something. It makes me want to sever this tie of marriage to him more than ever before. I am really hoping this will finally give me that peace and freedom to move past this!

The beach condo was nice, but I didn't feel as relaxed as usual. I am feeling anxious and not sleeping well, but I think that comes from planning D. Seems normal that it is stirring up many buried emotions. I crave solitude and quiet nights home with S these days.

MIL has already filed for divorce and has the house on the market. She used my paralegal. H mentioned how fast she is doing everything, I agreed it seems a bit quick. I WANTED to say that's because you guys turn off your emotions like a light switch and run, it's in your blood, but I didn't.

Back to work on Monday. I yearn for the routine to be back. Hope you all have a good weekend.
M


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Re: Bye bye limbo -- it's time for a change [Re: mleigh4] #2784519
04/08/18 07:29 AM
04/08/18 07:29 AM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 349
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DnJ Offline
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Hi M. I am glad this process is going smoothly. You have taken your time, done everything you could, and know what is and isnt important to you.

I felt a twinge also when I read about your friends saying you should be over this by now. You have not rushed into things, you have overcome major hurdles, and made major decisions - You should be proud.

I have to admit I did laugh at H only lasting 5 minutes and then off to play with his slow motion recordings. Yep, teenage behaviour. Boys and their toys.

I never thought about picking up women at divorce classes - that is pretty brilliant. smile He chose the wrong lady that night! smile

Hoping the best for you. Peace and freedom.

DnJ


At BD
Me49, W46, S20, S19, S16, D15
M-26, T-29
Oct 8 2017 - Bomb Drop, Moved in w/OM, & Left Kids
Dec 9 2017 - Legal Separation
Currently
Me50, W47, S21, S19, S17, D16

I may give up, but not today.
Re: Bye bye limbo -- it's time for a change [Re: DnJ] #2785471
04/15/18 02:58 PM
04/15/18 02:58 PM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,445
CA
M
mleigh4 Offline OP
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mleigh4  Offline OP
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M
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,445
CA
Hi everyone!

Well, H and I sat down tonight, just us, and went over the divorce agreement to be drawn up. Thanks to Bttrfly, and others, I had everything written out, exactly what I wanted, to take care of S and I.

I was worried all week about this planned meeting. Not sleeping or eating well, but working hard with prayer, meditation and exercise to keep my calm.

It went really well. We went over each topic, I approached each with my view. Only a couple he debated on, but I was ready for it, we discussed, and by the end, he agreed it was fair and agreeable. He wrote it all down and says he just wants to go over it all with legal advice before having it drawn up. Totally understandable as I did the same. So please, send your prayers out there that it continues to go smooth. Once it is signed and filed, then I will breathe!

One thing really stood out to me. Not once did I feel any regret or fear for what we were discussing, that tells me I am so ready. Also, there was no fighting, only some mild anger, but nothing confrontational, just emotional, and that was on both sides. Overall, the meeting went beyond easier than I thought it would.

Other than that, it's been quiet over here. I am still staying a bit isolated, but that comes from not really having friends that get this, so I feel safer being alone most times. My divorce class has been very helpful, the guy who hit on me has not been there anymore, so that is a bit of a relief. The class itself is so comforting, I just love it. It not only has helped lead me to a greater faith, but also has helped me to realize how unhealthy my marriage was. It's been an eye opener and is bringing back my self worth, self confidence and ability to embrace my singleness without feeling like an outsider in the world of couples.

S is doing great. He has an open house at school this week. 2 months left of elementary school, starting middle school in August! I just can't believe it. As he has gotten older, he has expressed his need for personal space, which means no constant kisses from mommy on the head! As I have adjusted to this, every once in a while, he comes over and gives me a big hug or cuddles up with me out of the blue. Well, of course I eat this up! I just love our relationship, the openness and respect for each other. He is growing up to be a good little man before my eyes.

I have a very close friend coming at the end of the month from many states away to visit. I just can't wait, she has been one of my biggest supporters and best friends since high school. She will be good for me.

H has his business trip coming up in 2 weeks. He said he will email me the flight and hotel info, that's new! So I guess he hasn't been lying about these trips. Even though it's a shame we couldn't work this out, and I still believe our problems are fixable, I have accepted its time to move on. I feel very at peace and most of all, beyond grateful that so far things are going smooth with the process.

Thank you all for your well wishes, please keep us in your prayers.
M


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Re: Bye bye limbo -- it's time for a change [Re: mleigh4] #2785541
04/16/18 05:24 AM
04/16/18 05:24 AM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 39
California
J
JaseP Offline
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JaseP  Offline
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J
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 39
California
Bless you, mleigh! What a relief it must be to finally feel like your future is clear and positive. Sounds like you're raising a great young man, you're lucky to have each other. Praying this phase continues to be a smooth process for you both. smile


Me: 43 She: 43
Married 14 Together 20
D7 S6
Separation bomb Dec 2017
Reconciled 3 weeks later Jan 2018
Second separation bomb April 2018
Re: Bye bye limbo -- it's time for a change [Re: JaseP] #2785591
04/16/18 03:11 PM
04/16/18 03:11 PM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,445
CA
M
mleigh4 Offline OP
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mleigh4  Offline OP
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Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,445
CA
Thank you so much JaseP smile


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
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