Just live your present J9. Enjoy your Ds as you always do. You are an honourable man and just be proud of it. It is the walk of life now. Set the volume.
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
SOOOO frustrating! I could not post from my phone! I would right out a whole post and it wouldn't appear.
So, you got divorced like 3 days ago. Give yourself a second to breathe! If it doesn't feel right yet, it doesn't feel right.
There is an interesting mentality in this world that really differs from these boars. Most outside of DB will tell you to start dating as if that is moving on. That you have only moved on if you have another partner in your life. Most people cannot fathom being single.
I was single for a while after my divorce (still am, but that is a whole other story). I did date even before I was legally divorced, but nothing serious. It took me a good 2 years from separation, one year from divorce truly to be ready. I did not want another relationship for those 2 years. I missed companionship, and I had that in spurts, but I did not want to be a half of a whole yet. Aside from my daughter barely being a toddler, I loved being single! I loved answering to no one! I loved eating what I wanted, watching on TV what I wanted, not asking anyone if I could hang out with my friends, not feeling guilty when housework wasn't done, ect. Granted, my exH was a controlling A hole who needed everything his way and when it wasn't I paid for it. So I was barely 30 finally being myself! I learned so much and changed sooooo much in that time. I am so grateful for it.
So go slow. You'll know when you are ready to dip your toes in again. For now, you have yourself and 2 little girls to worry about. Enjoy it. Like neffer said, live in your present. There is no script, no rules, just what you feel inside. I imagine you are the guy who doesn't NEED to be half of a whole, you are whole on your own, and when you are ready, you can entertain it again.
Hey man! I am not on the other side so I have no real advice for you.
Almost everyone I know has been telling me that I need to step outside and date. And when so many people keep telling you that you start questioning yourself. But, thanks to these boards and counseling, I dial back everything and think about it for a while to understand it and then make a decision.
Some part of me wants to jump out and start dating, but I know that is because 1) I miss sex, and 2) I want some companionship.
But both of those reasons are due to me wanting someone to fill some type of void right now. It isn't authentic. Sure, I want both of those things but I want them because I want them for what they are, not to fill some empty space.
Anyways, moral of my story is what others have already said - just enjoy being by yourself and live in the present. You are indeed whole on your own and someone will come along to make the cup brimmeth over
Thanks guys, I think I will wait for a bit. Sit on it for a month or so. I miss the companionship and female touch but it is something that I don't need. Truthfully having alone time has been very rewarding to me especially after having the girls for a week. I wouldn't want it any other way but for that week you don't get a lot of down time.
I would much rather be alone reading, listening to my podcasts, watching my shows, etc. then interacting with ladies, staying up late which would cause me to miss my morning workouts. I know this will change but right now this is a priority for me. I also am not completely void of kids on my off week either. We have soccer games tonight, practice on Thursday and more games on Saturday so I still am heavily involved even on my off weeks.
I have seen a couple of girls at the gym that certainly look interesting but I always felt meeting someone at the gym was slightly difficult.
Any way, I am good. I feel like I have a good game plan for now.
Everything! I got nothing, no complaints other than the bursitis in my shoulder and a strained quad muscle from running. Off week for me from having the girls but I have been busy every night. Monday I met a buddy out for a few cocktails, Tuesday we had soccer games, Wed I met another buddy out for some drinks, last night my oldest had soccer practice but tonight I got nothing going on......just going to go home and relax.
I have been reading some of the posts on here but I feel like I am lacking emotional energy right now. Still listening to my podcasts (the one I listened to this morning was about if it was ok for men to cry), working out daily and continuing to work on my game...work is good and things are just really calm.
I still don't feel an overwhelming urge to date, it's on my radar but I don't feel s strong pull in that direction. Bought a couple of new shirts, my oldest's birthday is coming up on 5/1 so went shopping for some presents. The EW and I decided we would celebrate her birthday as a family, go out to eat with some close family friends.....then the EW is letting her have a sleepover with 2 of her besties at her apt.
So I have no complaints....just life happening. One thing that is on my radar is planning a man trip for this summer with myself and 4 or 5 of my closest buddies. Going to do some research on options but I think that would be really cool and something that I think would be fun to do annually. My two best friends I have known since Kindergarten and we still talk all the time.
The EW front is still status quo......the retirement funds get split today and I am still waiting for her to get her own medical insurance with her employer so I can remove her off of mine. My new house payment kicks in on 5/1 however she is not forcing the issue yet with me paying child support so right now nothing has changed financially. She still runs hot and cold with communication seemingly happening almost daily (I don't initiate unless necessary). There are times she says something and appears to be moving closer but then the next day she says something that lets me know she is still far away. It doesn't bother me any more just more of an observation.
As L indicated before it is friend zone stuff. I just try to be cordial and polite for the sake of the kids and avoiding an adversarial relationship. So far we have worked well together and I don't expect or hint at anything more.
I do find myself practicing being more assertive with her....i'll give an example. Our D is struggling with math and the EW texted me the other night telling me she was crying, how bad she felt for her and that we needed to get her into tutoring this summer. This is the second time she has mentioned it. Before I just would have brushed it off and she would continue to make these statements to me until the EW did something about it. I would have never picked up on it and proactively took care of the issue. However this time after the second comment it went off on my radar (a light bulb moment) and thought to myself she is making the comment, I agree with her (I don't want my D struggling either) so I called the place, got pricing and will take her for an evaluation next week.
I didn't do it for my EW but I thought it was a good learning experience for me to practice and I recognized it due to what I just went through how to better read through these subtle messages from the ladies. The next woman I am with in a R could do the same thing. So any way there ya go. After I did it I sent her an email with the pricing and she thanked me, telling me it was Awesome that I got this started and she felt paralyzed by it.
So anyway there ya go. No complaints life is good still working on myself spiritually, physically and emotionally. I will say that the shot at the title is coming soon
Nice Nice!!! Sounds like you're giving yourself enough time to transition to post-D life and also GALing. Btw, can you share some of the podcasts you're listening to. I need some new stuff.
I totally feel you about the hot and cold communications with W. Same here, but there's nothing to read into it. I just find it amusing now.
Good on being assertive and picking up on the math tutoring thing. It's amazing how they can't just come out and say it directly lol. Why drop subtle messages, I just don't get it.
Happy to hear that life is good. 2018 is on the upswing.
Forgot to add - I was going through doodler's threads the other day to get his back story, and found a couple of threads about dating that he had started. Check it out if you haven't already.
Sounds like you're giving yourself enough time to transition to post-D life and also GALing. Btw, can you share some of the podcasts you're listening to. I need some new stuff.
Right now I am just enjoying non-emotional quiet time. Early on you avoid alone time like the plague and then when you are alone all of your thoughts are consumed by your sitch. It is so enjoyable to be alone now, do whatever I want and not be consumed about my EW. So right now I am just enjoying that.
I am currently listening to "Man Up" on Spotify.
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I totally feel you about the hot and cold communications with W. Same here, but there's nothing to read into it. I just find it amusing now.
Observing the WW is like being on Safari observing wild animals in their natural habitat.......truly amazing!
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It's amazing how they can't just come out and say it directly lol. Why drop subtle messages, I just don't get it.
I never thought it until I dove deep into personal development but it is a sign of lacking confidence and lack of communication skills.
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Happy to hear that life is good. 2018 is on the upswing.
Things are good, just calm and peaceful...one thing I am focusing on is developing my group of guys, my circle, my network and knowing moving forward that I need to maintain it.
It's hard for me because I am a very content person....my needs are very basic so I don't need a lot. Reaching out to other men, taking the initiate with other men is something that is outside of my comfort zone. I have learned though that it is important so I am having to stretch myself.
