Final chapter part deux

[exquisitetobe]

Thank you Andrew!!

Well, 2 anxiety prescriptions. I will be contacted within the next 2 weeks for ic. I will have a follow up with my doctor on the 19th.

I do have good kids. Only me and D17 went to visit D22. My son and his gf stayed behind to care for D15 who got a 24hre stomach flu.

It is unlike me to have the group split but they insisted for my good.

No need to say: ex-h knew everything. Texted son all evening inquiring about D15 and also texted D17 to keep track of our trip.

Good news for D17 (and me), she is getting the appartment under D22. They will be sharing the duplex!!

[exquisitetobe]

Yesterday, i had my appointment with my doctor. Results: anxiety meds for the next 6 months.

Today, i had my first IC. Ex-h's line of work seem to be link to his behavior. Very common it seem.

My therapist is an ex wife of a prison guard and relates to my story in many ways.

My anxiety is always triggered by a tie to ex-h. My goal in this therapy sessions is to let go of the anger, change myself so that i react to him in a calmer,(uncaring)manner. Stop over-thinking and/or, if undoable in certain situation, have a plan (constructive).

I have some reading to do, some reflexion to make and some situations to analyze and break down on paper.

Let's the work begin..

[Gordie]

Exquisite,

I hope the meds help. They help some. They do not help others. Be mindful and be your own advocate if you need to try different meds.

Re your IC. That sounds awesome. Sounds like she is a good fit and will be helpful to you.

[Ginger1]

I ma glad to hear you are getting help. Working towards not having your exH being the catalyst to your emotions will bring you so much peace.

[Sotto]

Hi Exquisite, I'm glad to read that you are seeking support and that sounds like a useful appointment with your therapist and some good insight.

My guess is that your ex may continue to behave in the same 'triggering' way - unless he chooses to do some introspection - but that's up to him and out of your control.

But how you choose to respond to that - whether or not you are interested, bothered or triggered - that's truly within your gift. And I agree with Ginger's wise statement too.

Best of luck with everything - it sounds like you are on a good path xx

[exquisitetobe]

Good path? Not so much.
I feel like running again.i feel like a f*ck up.

Group exchange:2 weeks ago...

D22: Hey ! Just giving you guys a heads up, dad expressed intrest in coming to my grad too.

Me: figure.

Exchange from yesterday:

D22: Hey ! Whats the plan for grad? Are you guys still coming ?

Me: Me, D15 and D18 are. Is your dad hanging out afterwords? Is he staying at your place?
If not, can we go down Thursday night?
Otherwise, we' ll leave here early friday morning.
(Her grad is at 9h30 am and we live 4 hours away)

D22:
Dad got a hotel room downtown for tomorrow night, i think he just wants to get lunch afterwards on friday
You guys can come down tomorrow and stay the night, dad is gonna swing by for a quick hi between 8 and 9 before going to the hotel

Me: is OW going?

D22: pretty sure

Me:
Ok.. i' ll step aside...
We' ll celebrate it on our own time..

D22: stepping aside as in?

Me: Not going.. LESS STRESS ON EVERYONE AND NO DRAMA.


D22: You guys dont need to talk or even see eachother though the gym is massive

Me: Trust me.. he' ll look for me.. he' ll use the girls as an excuse. I know how he works.
It' s a piss off to have been the one who made the necessary dedication to get you where you are ( with your hard work of course ) and have him show up for the glory of our work. But no one but me has a problem with this. He is your father and she is a " step mom" . They have the right to be there.
I am very VERY PROUD of you. Not going will not change that.
When he is alone, he his nice and kind. When he is with her, he his a jerk and often attacks me. I am not putting myself in the line of fire.. i' m sorry..

D22: All im saying is this is a big day, theres a lot more lifetime events where all 4 of us would like you guys to be there (other grads, weddings, etc). Eventually you guys are going to need to be in the same location at the same time

Its okay if you guys cant deal with eachother right now but i hope that by thr time other events come up that you guys will make an active effort.

I gave dad a similar speech earlier today too dont worry lol
If you're still set on not coming its okay, i understand that you're just avoiding drama and still need time for yourself and heal the anxiety that he brings, ill make sure to send lots of pictures throughout the grad and get trev to send you some too (maybe even a video if he can get close enough with his phone lol) when i get the diploma

Me: thanks.

D22: you're welcome ♥

S19: All i know is kim wont be at mine, she hasent done [censored] all for us and hasen't /never will play an important role in our lifes, in my opinion she has no right to attend Family matters because she isint part of it, Dad sure because he's our father but she has no value to our lifes, only his. If she wants to congradulate us send us a card or a text, dont try to pass yourself off as family it pisses me off, we are not her kids, and she hasent done anything to put us where we are today, so why congradulate us/ act proud when shes had no role in any of this, [censored] pisses me off, if mom would have a boy friend my opinion would be the same. Its not fair to mom what dad is doing because hes trying to pass her off as family . when she isint and he needs to get that threw his head, he left his family thats final.
Thats my opinion of the situation



Me: thank you S19

S19: ♥

Me: Isaiah gets how i feel..
If Kim is welcome in MY family, does that mean Lyne and her kid should be to? How about cop lady her boyfriend and her kid to? How about Christine? Anjie? The crazy cop that threaten to hurt us if he left her?? Oh and Anna ( kara's mom) ?
Kim is who your father chose as a new family. She isn' t part of MINE!
A have STRONG family values. I have never stopped him from being a father to you guys. I even fought for him to stand up in his role. Not to be a husband to me but to be a father to you. Kim or any other gf for that matter will never be a family if mine.
I pray to God that none of you guys will have to go throu this.

Forgot my point.. they are his ex' s .. and so am i. But as long as i live, I AM YOUR MOM unless YOU trade me in for whoever he is with. Like he did

S19: Only because i feel the same way and out of everyone i lived and exprienced both sides of the aftermath.
Family,siblings and birth parents are irreplaceable they are the ones who put up with us and raised us to become who we are today nobody else and no one can change or replace that. When he wants to be part of our life he needs to put his asside and play the father role. Considering its been a while since any of us have been there idk if he understands that yet, we have no intrest in meeting her side because thats his new life and family not ours. It would piss me off so much like the one time 2 years ago i threw a fit because he forced me faith and sarah to go out to kap for a supper with her side. Its not our place to be whatsoever, never will be

D22: You guys missed my point.. all of my messages have nothing to do with bringing Kim into our family - you guys went waaayy into it- I get how all of you guys are feeling, he did leave us, he [censored] up, his exs are phsyco, it wasnt till I moved out that he actually stepped up his game to make it up to me and actually be more present a father - but me saying "one day you guys are gonna need to be at the same place at the same time" was all about just having our PARENTS aka mom and dad to just be present for other once in a lifetime events

S19: Mom straight up said dad isint the issue and hes fine when hes alone, kim shouldnt be at the grad thats why mom isint going, i told him not to bring her at my 12 grade grad and everything went fine

D22:Regardless, thats not an excuse to full blow attack me, making assumptions of me trying to include her in the family etc. Etc. And taking my words our of context over your feelings - you guys felt attack and instead of just questioning what i meant and just talking about emptions in turned to a war where everyone got pissed and hurt yestersay

S19
When did we say this was against you. Our point is she is not family therefor she should not be attending family matters.

D22: I get that but you guys still managed to piss me off and make me feel attacked , its my grad and i wanted both mom and dad to be present - end of discussion

im ditching my phone for the day
I said what i wanted to say.

[exquisitetobe]

D19 cried all afternoon. I told her to take my truck and she could go. She answered she would not do that.

I said: you could drive to D22 and your father would drive you from there. She said no.

As i am writing this, a text from D19 just came in.

[exquisitetobe]

Here it is: I'm going to Kate's grad... I got dad to pick me up at the

[exquisitetobe]

Sorry... here it is:

I'm going to Kate's grad... I got dad to pick me up at the school because I know that it's not okay for Kim to be there, I'm going for kate, not to spend time with them, and I've talked to kate all night and all morning she is upset and hurt and I'm going there to support her. If I could've I wouldn't of came with dad because you and i both know that I avoid seeing him but I also didn't wanna take your car because I don't want you being alone all weekend and I'm also not insured. I love you

[exquisitetobe]

D22 crashed her car to a couple of months ago.