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2surviv Offline OP
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I know we shouldn't dwell or focus on the OW/AP but does anyone ever wonder what life is like for the MCLer with their new choice - this is something I really struggle with even though logically I know that I have no control over what WH does. Thoughts anyone??

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I dont believe in the term MLCer. I think it takes a certain personality type to cheat, lie, betray, steal etc. I think we as LBS just never recognized it early enough. It sometines takes the weather to get unpleasant before it comes. I think of a lot of mlcers as fair weather partners.

I am aquaintances with a female walkaway. And she is honestly just annoyed and repulsed by her ex. Says she is not in love. And that she needs to be in love. She acknowledged that she was upset and cried to him when he found a new girlfriend. As soon as he offered to come back to her she realized she didnt love him.

Regarding the new guys in her life...they have to fit a certain looks and money criteria. She is usually happy at first and compares them favorably to her ex (looks and money) but gets upset cause they dont want to commit the way she wants then to. The 2nd one left his wife and small kids, but she doesnt see that. Or it doesnt bother her because he was no longer in love.

I suspect that if things do not work out in a way that is beneficial to her with any of the new guys, she will eventually go back to her ex. But it would be more out of convenience and because she is aging and the type of guy she is looking for might not take her seriously long term.


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
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If your husband has a lot of money, i am sure he will attract a certain type of younger woman. I dont think certain men mind this. Some of them feel they are living the life and feel entitled to that. Look at all these smug politicians. Ugh.

As a female, i would never want that type of guy though. I woukd want soneone more substantial.

What type of man would you want?


M: 42
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2surviv Offline OP
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I am on the move - moving house today to about a 3 hours drive away from my WH, starting a new job at the beginning of April and I get to live in a new cottage (and he doesn't know a thing about it). I am on the up up up......leaving him behind in the dust with his bimbo OW. Good riddance........

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This sounds great. Just stay strong. Know that there is a lot of hard feelings to deal with up ahead. Anger, grief, resentment, regret, doubt.

Just remember you had no choice in any of this. Your ex unilaterally made this decision and now you have to just play the best you can with the hand you were dealt.

I know you are gonna come up on top.

Just lots of self care. And get yourself into a position of strength right now.
"Become that person only a fool wpuld leave" thats for you, not him.


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
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Hi everyone
I haven’t posted for a while due to moving to a new house, moving half way across the country and sorting out my new accommodation (and the lack of internet access). However here I am, still in one piece and my cottage is fabulous. I can’t say the move was emotionally easy – believe it or not leaving my WH behind (with the unresolved issues that go with that) was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, it still feels so surreal that I have managed to move to a new life without his knowledge/input (how can I feel guilty about not telling him after all he has put me through????) . Nevertheless, I have come so far thanks to a lot of support and good advice from all of you out there in the “virtual DB world”.
In terms of my WH – I have informed him that I have moved (I needed him to sort out some of the bills which were in his name). He knew I was moving but thought it was somewhere local and not out of area (he still doesn't know where I am). I got a rely back saying thanks for informing him that I have moved, and he hopes I am happy in my new flat (yeah right…). It was a rather curt text - sounded pissed off/angry – probably because I didn’t take him up on the offer to help me move and he no longer knows anything about what’s happening in my life. Since then all I have had is silence – not a single piece of communication which is very strange for him as he contacted me sometimes up to 3 times a week. On the one hand it has raised some feelings of uncertainty/insecurity about what’s going on with him (and his bimbo OW) and then on the other it’s been quite nice for me and I am certainly a lot less stressed about things as I slowly become more detached from the situation. I know that moving was the best thing for me but I did think that I would feel happier in myself but I guess I just need to give it TIME…
Although I feel strong, self-doubt still raises its ugly head every now and then as I come to terms with how my life has changed so drastically in the last 6 months since BD – its hard to believe sometimes. I am still struggling with depression and am on anti-depressants which have helped hugely, and I still can’t really eat properly (he told me I was obese). Ok…enough self-pity and ranting…….

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Sounds like you're in a great place! All the feelings you expressed are totally normal and do get better with time. I suspect your healing will be much quicker now that you're removed from that terrible sitch. Good luck!


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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More newcomers should be reading your post because you are doing awesome. Seriously.


M: 42
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WAH in summer
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2surviv Offline OP
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Hi everyone
Quick update – still hit and miss with internet access so bear with me – this should be sorted by next week……on the practical side, I have started my new job, my new accommodation is working out fine (WH still unaware of where I am) and am slowly getting to a place of balance and peace. On the emotional side, I am not doing so great…….I received I long rambling email from my WH about how hard done by he is and how he is unable to abandon his OW - he stated that she has had catastrophic upheaval in her life too (as if I care) and that she has chosen to make him the focus of how to deal with this – he says that this is a mystery and a surprise to him (really…..talk about having your ego stroked) and also how he will leave no legacy behind, how hard his working life is …blah, blah blah (it was all very depressing). In amongst all the ramblings was a sentence stating that the only way forward is to accept divorce, but he still wants to be involved in my life (asked about my accommodation, am I secure, and I taking care of myself, how he will always love me and maybe we can meet up in the future and laugh about the great times we had….). He ended with a patronising comment at the end of the email saying I should take my time to respond and no doubt there will be questions and confusion…..
I don’t want a divorce at this stage (even though I know many of you would not agree with this, for me personally I think it’s all a bit soon – to many changes in my life to quickly and it would be a knee jerk reaction rather than one which is based on logical thought)). I thought I could email him back and say that if this is what he really wants then he needs to proceed and that I will not have any further contact with him ever again – if it’s over then it’s over – there will be no going back, and everything can be negotiated through solicitors. I want to make it clear to him that this course of action is entirely his choice and that I am not in agreement with his decision but have no option but to accept it. I haven’t yet responded and would appreciate any advice or opinions on how to proceed……..help………

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His letter is kind of typical WAH scripted garbage. I wouldn't pay much attention to it.


Originally Posted By: 2surviv

I don’t want a divorce at this stage...


With this in mind I would say...

Quote:
I thought I could email him back and say that if this is what he really wants then he needs to proceed and that I will not have any further contact with him ever again – if it’s over then it’s over – there will be no going back, and everything can be negotiated through solicitors. I want to make it clear to him that this course of action is entirely his choice and that I am not in agreement with his decision but have no option but to accept it.


... scrap all this. Just do not reply at all. If you don't want a D then don't bother replying. Your silence will eat at him more than any reply you might send. So let it eat at him. Let him wonder what you're up to. Let him wonder what kind of amazing new life you're building without him. Let him start to miss you.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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