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#2782261 03/20/18 02:21 PM
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Hello everyone,

Been quite awhile since I've posted on here. And I see a lot of new people who are in the same situation I was at this point last year. So I figured, I would update the room and give some advice. Divorce was finalised on March 13th. Things have been cordial between XW and myself. They more I stayed away from her the more she started to care again. Hell XW even drove my house supposedly checking on me one Sunday around 6:00am and called freaking out when she didn't see my car in the driveway. But claims she wasn't stalking me...LOL

About a month before the divorce was final, I actually met someone. A woman 10 years younger. Who would have thought. LOL And I am having more fun than I have had in years. Not sure if this will last, but it sure feels good. And with this new body of mine, I have continued running and doing all kinds of physical activities. For those of you who really are fighting to get you W back my suggestion is to just stop. Just move on with your lives. Especially if there is an OM in the picture. They ain't worth the trouble and I wish I would have figured it out sooner. Honestly I don't think any of the OM my XW was dealing with our still in the picture.

S14 and myself are closer than ever and I like that feeling. XW clearly buying is affections and had started acting like one of those single women who treat their sons like they are clearly the only men in their life. I hate it, because I see the pressure it puts on these young men. But he has adjusted well to bouncing back and forth between houses every week.

The thing we're taught on this site is to GAL as hard as possible. But I honestly think its best to get into the mindset of moving on. Let's be real here. What is it about an unloyal cheater that makes them worth keeping around? Took me awhile like so many others to see that. Maybe the loss of this marriage will hit me one day. But to be honest, I only regret not filing sooner. Caring and trying to make the MR work only dug the hole deeper.


MR: 15 T:17
Me: 37 W: 34
S14
BD/PA/EA: 12/2016
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Tread,

I'm glad you're doing well and at peace, and happy with your new life. Best of luck to you, man, you deserve it!


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Thanks for the update. And congratulations on your new life. Happy about you and your son. Re moving on. I totally agree but so hard to understand in the moment. Peace.


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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Tread - great to hear your update.

Re: Moving on - I really see the value in that from the beginning, but as Gordie said, it's so hard to do that in the moment when everything is spiraling out of control. I personally think that moving forward is the best option and DB really gets you moving in that direction, but it takes time to get there mentally.

once that confidence comes back and your self-esteem is up, things start to happen. Changes happen gradually and I am seeing my social network slowly expand as I take more opportunities to meet people and create some opportunities as well. In the past, I wouldn't have done that at all.

Anyways, moving on is the best option because until you really let go, nothing will happen - either for yourself, or in the case of the WW/WH wanting to attempt recon.


No one is coming to save you!

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Glad to hear you are doing well Tread, thanks for the update! A lot of us come here thinking recon is the only possible positive outcome, but many of the best success stories here are from people that DB'd their heart out and still lost their spouse, but became better people because of it and moved on to an even more fulfilling life.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Thanks for the update.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!

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