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Previous thread:

Contact from the dark side

first thread:

Wife gone deep in the tunnel?


Just an update mostly on myself... I think the reason most of us come here is to get support and also confirm that we are not the crazy ones. After living this for nearly 3 years, I can clearly say that I am not crazy.

It’s been a long journey but I can’t complain, I have my own house, both my girls full time and my career is taking off. I met someone and we are growing closer and closer.
I do wish my girls had their mom in their lives for the support they need. My XW sadly is not in the right state of mind still and is unable to be a mom. In her own words, “I’ve lost my motherly instinct”.

2018 contact has been far from none. A New Year’s Eve wish to me to find happiness and love and just recently a few messages back and forth about little or nothing. I’ll explain that a little lower down.
I’ve been away from the site and avoided talking about MLC altogether. I even refrained from helping my buddy whose wife flies off to see her soul mate every now and then. 4861km away but she refuses to accept his divorce request. Keeps playing my buddy for a fool and a door mat. I pray for him.

I have been reflecting on my situation. A little more on my XW and accepting that this is it. My life I had with her was all I was supposed to have with her. My kids were always closer to me since the day they were born as if the universe made it that way. Our destiny was written before we even met. I accept that there was nothing I could have done or anything I did was wrong. She was programmed as a child. I just didn’t see the red flags along the way. I see them so clearly now. I even laugh at it that I was so blinded by love that I failed to see the signs. Like I said, it wouldn’t of change a darn thing if I did.
My kids however have a chance. They have had therapy and are aware of MLC and mental illness. How past issues in life that are not dealt with, will come back to haunt you. Yes they suffered a great loss but unlike my XW they dealt with it, understand that it is not their fault and have healed. They understand it and grew from it.
So that brings me to today’s touch.

It was I who reached out. I got a call from the hospital for D15. You see when D15 was 14, she suffered headaches, dizzy spells and black outs. I had her looked at by a few specialist and in the MRI scan they found a cyst in the front right side of her brain. I did update XW back then which went un-phased. Results from that were unsure as the more the doctors talked to D15 they also picked up on a lot of anxiety and built up stress. Following that, she had therapy, changed her diet and reduced activities. It all seemed to settle the symptoms. However the cyst remains and I got the call for a follow up scan.
So I did this.
Hi, just to update you as promised, D15 goes for her scan tomorrow to see if there is any changes to the cyst in her brain. I will let you know the results once I get them.
30 seconds goes by.

Response: Hi Irish!! Thank you so much for updating me on this!! I will be thinking of her.

I also found a bag of old movie reels, belonging to your father. Do you want them?

YES!! How will we do this? I still have no grave stone on my father’s grave it cost so much money!!

I will send them to your work address via UPS, I hope your sister is helping you with that cost. Me and the girls will visit the site this spring as we haven’t paid our respects yet.

Ok!! Do you have the address?

I will get it off line. Easy to find. Thanks


I know... Not much there. But for me it was a lot. The way I felt about informing her. I felt great. She is the mother of my girls and deserves to know. Her dad’s films should be in her possession not mine. I have no hatred towards her and I have said it many times that if she asked for help to connect with the girls I will be front and center. I’m not talking reconciliation with her at all. I will continue to be the best dad I can. And if helping my girls connect with their mom one day, I am all for it, as long as she is healthy.

Until then, I will continue to update her on everything that is more important than traditional things. What she does with it after is her own. If one day she thanks me then I would be grateful to hear it.
What I’m saying is why I should wait for her to wake up. It’s like we are both playing a game of who messages first to break the silence. I’m tired of the silence. I let go of it. I was feeling like forced by my internal mind not to reach out to her. Freeing that control over me makes me feel freer.
Inner peace is worth so much.

Irish


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Irish,

You did the right thing by informing her of your daughter's scan. I do hope you and your daughter received some good news tomorrow.

I agree, the bag of movie reels should be in her possession.

The little bit of contact you had w/her may have brightened her day just a wee bit. I do hope that, in time, she will open up a bit and want to make some steps towards being w/her daughters. It's going to take some time, but if you continue to send her updates, etc., she just might feel comfortable enough to actually reach out to them.

Keeping you and your daughter in my thoughts and prayers that tomorrow will bring good news.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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saying prayers for a good report tomorrow my friend.

yes, i think it's important to keep them in the loop about their kids. i've tried to do that. i think the key is to do so with zero expectations. you've always been much better at that than i have.

i'm glad you're in a good place xoxoxo {{{{{hugs}}}}} as always


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I agree with Job and Bttrfly, I think keeping in touch about the girls as needed is not only mature and respectful, but kind. I do the same, it just feels like the right thing to do. What they do with the info is totally on them.

Sending prayers for a good report tomorrow.
M


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Hello Irish,

Praying for good news from tomorrow’s scan.

I am so very glad that your Ds understand and have healed from all that has happened. My sitch is so similar to yours and I am working with my kids to help with their understanding and healing from our experience.

My hope is the same as yours, that our kids grow, learn, and accept so they do not revisit past trauma at a future time.

For what it’s worth your conversation with XW seems to have gone well and sounds better than previous ones. I can see why you feel great.

I have often thought of you, your Ds, and your sitch, and I am always glad to read your updates and comments.

Best of luck.

DnJ


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Irish,

Best wishes for your daughter.

You have had a long journey and are inspiration to me about how to let go, have no expectations, and to take care of the kids.

Your last line about taking the pressure off yourself is awesome.

I can sense that inner peace in your posts.


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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Good luck with the scan

Your wife keeps herself very detached from he girls as most MLCer's probably do
when you told her about the scan she thanked you as if she was like a distant friend or relative of your D

Being a mother of 2 ..there would be no way on earth someone else would take one of my kids for a brain scan

No money for the grave--
seems another common trait among many MLCers

You seem also fully detached and separated
We give them the respect and opportunity to live out their lives and choices with the natural consequences

Glad you are doing so well-


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Irish great to see an update. I pray that all goes well with your daughter.

Keeping you guys in my prayers.


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Hi Irish , positives thoughts re your daughters appointment.

I think you did the right thing re informing your EXW and best not to get into any further convo other than girls.

Great to hear things are progressing with the new lady in your life. Slow and steady is the way.

Great to hear you sounding strong and positive. Keep being the best dad ever.

Take care, Rd

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thank you all so much for the support. Feeling the love.

So we arrive at the hospital. D15 so nervous. Appointment was at 10am.

Waited and waited. Around 11:30 they call her name. Now the last scan was in and out 15 minutes. So I stay in the waiting area for her. She puts on her gown (who doesn't love those).

So I wait some more and more. 35 mins pass. I begin to worry so I go down the hall and see 3 medical people talking. I ask where my daughter is. They tell me it won't be a minute. Well 30 mins later she comes out. She said it was horrible.

Blood tests, eye exam, ear exam and the MRI. I asked the nurse why and they said the doctor looking at her file said it was necessary. I also asked if they saw something and she said she can't tell me. The Dr will see me in April with the results. So we were off.

Told D15 she could of called for me if I was needed for support. She said No, shes trying to be brave.

I messaged XW the little details I had.

Was a very long morning at the hospital. They did a series of tests and we don't get the results back until April. It will be good to put it behind us this health scare.

I dropped off the movies at my work and they will send them out to you today.

I’ll keep you posted when I get more news


She replied a short thanks then followed by a series of questions.
Do the girls horseback ride still? Is D15 and D17 doing good in school? How are your parents? Do the girls have boyfriends?
It is hard for me still because I don't see them or talk to them. My mind races and its like I'm going crazy!!!

I have no choice to change my thoughts and keep occupied and busy. I have to take care of myself or die. Those are my only 2 options!!!


well I answered the Daughter questions since she asked. As for her last comment, I replied:
Well actually there are many options but they consist of work and facing things head on. You can continue to run and hide or face it. All I know is avoiding things doesn't make them go away it makes them spin round and round and they will always come back hard.

A fiend of mine just had a baby. i will spend a lot of time with her. god I love holding newborns , it's like therapy.

no answer to that one. Holding a baby would make me miss my girls more if I didn't see them. How could that be therapy.


I saw your video on your Memphis trip. Looks like you guys had fun. I'm really happy for you. I know you are doing a great job as a single dad.

She knows I have a youtube page and I post my videos, drones, 360 videos and just trips I do with the girls and some with my GF.
She doesn't mention my GF and her son who were clearly in the video. Weird but no bother.

Yes, it was amazing. This trip was planned 4 years agoand I could postpone it any longer. An Elvis was needed. And trips I always plan the max out of a location to do and get the most we can. And making videos, my passion.

I am really Glad you reach out, Irish. maybe one day we can talk like mother and fathers do. I would really look forward to that. If you need anything let me know.

No problem. I will update you on the girls when needed. Is there anything I need? No, I am managing fine but if something comes up i will let you know.

Have a great day and thanks again. Also i hate emails as communication. We should talk instead...

If you need to talk you knwo where to reach me. I am a good listener and my STFU skills have been perfected.

STFU skills lolololll you know, Sometimes it's good to hear, sorry my expression; the god d@mn truth.

take care


busy chat day. No need to open discussion right now as I have nothing to update her until April.

All this felt like was the same as the past few head popping out of her hole tricks. Then running back in. We will see if there is any difference. All I know is I am at peace with what I shared.


D15 however said she dreamt about XW. That she was at the hospital waiting . She said that is why she was so nervous. I told her I thought she was nervous because of the tests. D15 said no not at all. I just don't want to see my mom and her BF there. I asked: What if it was just your mom here?

D15 stopped me in the hall and said. Dad, if she cared she would be in my life, I don't expect anything from her.
Also I would know you arranged it because you want to best for me. If you could fix my mom you would of and from what the therapy told me. Nothing can break that spell.
We will see in time what she does.

I left it at that. But I felt she wouldn't turn her mom away if she was alone and did the work.


thanks again so many prayers for D15. They were felt











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Irish, I'm proud of the way you handled that interaction with your eew. It wasn't so eew-y this time and that's good!

Re: D15's tests - that would have driven me nuts, the waiting! And to know you need to wait for results until April would also really drive me bonkers, but the one thing to know is that doctors like to be thorough to avoid lawsuits down the road. At least that's how they are around here!

Will keep the positive thoughts and prayers going! xoxoxo {{{hugs}}}


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
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That this too, was a gift."
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It is good to see your D15 sharing her feelings about her mom. “If mom cared she would be in my life”, my D15 also has a similar viewpoint about her mom. It’s nice to see them talking about their feelings, as infrequent as it is, instead of holding them in.

I am glad D15’s was brave for her tests. It sounds like there were quite a few and it took some time. She is a strong girl and I know you’re proud of her.

Just need patience for a few more weeks and then the results and some answers.

That was an interesting conversation with XW. Her comment my minds racing and it’s like I am going crazy, if that doesn’t scream MLC. She still won’t do the work and face things, so unfortunate. Maybe someday, hopefully, for her own sake.

Stay strong Irish, you’re a great dad and a damn fine example of how to get through this.


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I am happy to read that the tests are done, but the wait is always the hardest. However, April is just around the corner and I pray that the news will be good.

It is very difficult for children to understand why a parent walks away and stays away. You've done a great job of being both parents to your daughters. It's a shame that your w can't get her sh@t together and meet up w/them. She's afraid of being judged by them and seeing the look on their faces. In her mind, it's better to keep her distance and touch base than face the music. Such a waste and shame. Her daughters are growing up so quickly and she won't be able to turn back the clock to see them grow up.

Irish, you are doing a great job. Never, ever doubt that. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Peace, I really like that comment about respect, opportunity, choices and consequences...thank you for those wise words smile xx


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Thanks Sotto!

Irish
Seems like a good conversation-
She seems content to stay where she is
I see MLC=to addiction
in either case, one would give her anything/anyone to feed/support the habit or the addiction
I see her as that
She has limited to no control, its not what she wants but shes got no choice because the MLC/addiction has her
she cant break it-


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Hi Bttrfly, Dnj, Job, Sotto and Peace

thanks again everyone for the prayers. April 14 isn't too far off for the results and D15 has had a symptom free 8 months plus.
We are positive.

With the last interaction of XW that continues to go between the hours of 9-5pm as if we are business partners and off work hours is not permitted.. I still find that funny. She is so careful not to message me when she's at home.

late the other night I get a friend request on Facebook. It's a woman that dated one of my best friends, they have been separated for over 5 years and my friend is getting married next month. I am performing the ceremony.. should be a fun event. Anyway we will call her Kim. She was always closer to my XW. Kim sends me a message.

Hi Irish.. How are you? I heard about you and XW. Are you still living in the same house? I saw your pictures on Facebook (private so not sure she can).
You happy? Good? The girls are so lucky to have someone like you. Hope we can talk soon take care.


I right away think this is too weird. I don't hear from this person in over 5 years, was never close to her and the day after XW gets all friendly in a MLC way, this one asks me questions about me and where i am , if I'm happy and so on.. it's too obvious. I won't reply. Not interested in games.


last week was the Montreal st Patrick's parade.. this week is in my home town.. Once again I am in it. Even though there is still over a foot of snow and temperatures haven't gone above 60. I will take the roof off eh jeep and the doors and decorate it all up. Should be fun and a great start to the spring.

wishing you all a great weekend


Irish


M51
XW43 (38 at bd)
BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
moved out Aug 2 2015
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So I gets call from my GF last night.

She is upset and with reason.

One of her longtime friends , we will call her Amanda. She Lives in a town 45 mins away.
Says she has a new neighbour. A woman that moved in with the guy across the street in January. The guy is a local alcoholic . Loser type . Samantha tells her that this woman came over to say hi, since the guy is doing work on Amanda’s deck. Handy man to get extra $
That night Amanda gets a friend request on Facebook from her.

My GF sees a pop up yesterday. Friends you might know. The name of my XW. She thinks no. Impossible . A person with a contact in common , Amanda. Of all towns and houses to move ... impossible .
Looks into it and yes. It’s her

GF calls Amanda. Fills her in . Amanda says that she said nothing of having kids of her own. Said they are soul mates helping each other fix their broken pieces.

So XW is onto OM2. Moved in. No contact to the girls. She knows the girls wanted OM1 gone. She stil choses her fantasy life over them.

Do I tell them?

GF is so upset. Is worried when she goes over there she will see her . Wants to smash XW face for the pain she gave to the girls.
I was supposed to go to a bbq this spring there as well. Makes for a real uncomfortable situation.


M51
XW43 (38 at bd)
BD1 MAY 30 2015
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Oh boy Irish - what an unlucky turn of events for you and for your GF. I can understand how you must both feel about that! Ugh...

That's interesting about OM1 now being replaced with OM2 - gosh! Interesting how so many of these situations start out as 'soulmates' only to have fragile foundations and not survive life's ups and downs.

Should you update your girls? I'm not sure about that one. It may be relevant information to them as OM1 being out of the picture was important for them. But how they may feel about OM2 being in the picture is another matter. I guess another aspect is how you would feel if you didn't tell them and they found out and also found out that you knew?

If you do tell them, might there be a risk that they would contact her and the link back to your GF would be revealed? I'm erring on the side of updating them. But clearly she doesn't sound to be in a place where she has much to offer - ie: she has just chosen to partner up with another guy who has significant problems in order that they can fix themselves together? Really?

I came across a nice quote recently and I use it as my guiding light if I have something difficult to discuss. Is it necessary, truthful and kind?

I hope this helps a little anyway Irish and good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Happy Easter to you and your family smile


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Happy Easter!

OMG! Talk about having some nasty bad luck in a neighborhood! I am so sorry to hear this news.

I don't think I would share this news w/your girls right now. They may not stay very long in the neighborhood if the OM2 can't find work. Sometimes sitting quietly and allowing things to play out is actually doing the right thing.

For now, just sit quietly. I know your GF would like to throttle her, but she can't let on she knows of her and her situation.


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the world is smaller than we realize and things like this do happen.

i'm not really sure what the right answer is but i like Sotto's quote.

You don't have to say anything right now. You can sit on it for a few days while you mull it over.

As for going there for a bbq - yeah, i'd be avoiding that area.

as for the random outreach by "kim" yeah, i too call BS on that.

the reindeer games continue, despite her being onto OM2. that is another piece of interesting information. wasn't OM1 her soul mate? Now it's OM2? Anyway ...

just keep living your life.

xoxoxoxo

Happy Easter!


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

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Oh Irish,

That is wack. Instead of bbq, how about a little ding dong ditch or toilet papering their house? Just kidding. I have no idea what I’d do.

To tell the girls? I guess I would not. And if they find out later that you knew? Just say I didn’t think it was appropriate to share with you at the time. They know you have their best interest at heart and think they would accept that.

And OM2? I guess I’m not surprised. Seems so common around here. Sigh.

As butterfly says, just keep living your awesome life.


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I know it's hard to believe, but there ARE good aspects to this:

She's no longer with the original OM - whatever this new guy's deal is, he's not responsible for your marriage breaking down. I believe it's easier to live with the ex being with someone who was not involved in your marriage - I know it's way easier for me.

Two - you wouldn't want her back yet as she's still not close to being well - so thankfully she's found some other guy to help keep her afloat and she's not on the street.

Third - this guy may be "alcoholic loser" per the neighbor but you can hope that maybe he's a kind alcoholic loser.

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Hi Irish , a couple of things spring to mind , firstly I wondered if the talk of ' couples ' counselling was offered between OM1 and OM2, not that is matters but just a thought. Secondly, i personally wouldn't tell the girls as your family has enough to think about with your Ds results coming up. It seems to be common on here that OM1 is replaced by OM2 and OM3 so i would think keeping quiet about the latest OM may be best.

Just my thoughts on that. 're the other lady trying to friend you on Facebook, i think you choose wisely, not a fan of the whole Facebook thing anyway but thats seems a bit suspicious.

As always , you have handled this situation well so far so be led by your own instincts.

Positive thoughts for the results in April.

Take care, RD.

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Hi

wow-- what are the odds?

I personally do not tell my kids any news I hear about their absent dad

If one day, he becomes available to speak to them/see them
we can catch up on any details about him then

Since you never know how it all plays out, it could change in a few days, weeks or months

Just my 2 cents
but follow your gut-

Either way- The girls will adjust and accept as they ahve


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Hi Irish. I can see positive and negative on both side of the question - Do I tell them? IMO, I am leaning towards letting your daughters know.

The behaviour of your XW and the things she said are similar to what my W has done.

My W justified all the damage and heartache she caused “because he’s (OM) worth it”. That had to leave a mark on the kids. If W moved on from OM, to another OM or on her own, it would greatly lessen the validity of her “reasons” for breaking up the family and leaving her kids.

The fact that your XW has moved on from her soulmate illustrates her confusion and eliminates her “reasons” for breaking up her family. Yes, XW moved on to OM2, however her original fantasy collapsed like sand. I think knowing that would be beneficial to your daughters.

Maybe the question is not - Do I tell them? It’s - When do I tell them?

I am glad that you found out now and not at the spring bbq from a chance meeting.

You have done a wonderful job and I have no doubt that whatever you decide will be the right decision for your daughters.


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hi guys

Hope you all had a nice Easter.. We had an amazing one, weather was great. I got the girls and myself the Google home system. Each a mini for our rooms and a main home one for the family room. Such an amazing toy. I also got plenty of lights and plugs to control everything with speech. Yes, chocolate was also gifted. The bunny doesn't miss this house. Had the ester egg hunt as usual. D17 says its a tradition that can't be missed.

As for EX news. I'll be honest I struggled with it. Relieved that she is away from the toothless druggy but at the same time disappointed in her for not focusing on the girls instead of a new OM.

I know its expected. They jump from OM to OM in search of that magic to release them from their internal pain. Just a band-aid until either she wakes up or jumps to the next one because this one peeled off.

I also struggled with if I tell the girls or not. I did read all of your replies, Sotto, Job, bttrfly, Gordie, KML, RD, Peace and DnJ.

All great advise and support.

I'll try to respond to each comment within my post.

I did end up telling the girls this morning over waffles. D17 thanked me for telling her as she had been having nightmares that her mom was overdosing in a hospital somewhere because of OM1. D15 was happy toothless guy is gone. But was upset to hear she jumped to another without taking a break and reconnect with them.

So DnJ and KML , yes it relieve them in a way. They started to joke..but dad it is her soul mate.. omg. She was going to buy him teeth

Peace, I told them that exact thing. That their mother will make choices and even though OM1 is gone, OM2 may be short lived and back to OM1 or onto OM3.

RD, As for the other lady poking around about me.. I blocked her and revisited my privacy settings and locked my FB up tight. Even my youtube . I set so many videos to private.

Gordie, I hate knowing her exact address. It's not a town i go to often. More a drive through place when i go to the States. GF told me about seeing her friend that lives there this summer for 2 events. We will most likely pass.

Bttrfly, yes the world is a small place. Scary how small. GF hates that Ex is in her space. Right across the street from her friend who is practically her sister. Her friend promised not to let her talk about us and say crap. She will shut her down.

She moved into his house Job, he does small jobs around town for money. His house is a dump, run down. Economy is really bad in that area. The mill shut down years ago and no other industry picked up the slack. He is in the mid 40's but looks late 50's. Wears dirty clothes and never washes his hair.

EX was obsessed by the TV show Shameless when she hit BD. Long before BD she hated the show because of all the drugs, booze and trashy story. But a few weeks before BD, she would binge watch it. I really think she is living that life.

Hey Sotto, girls have decided not to contact her. They said and I quote.
If she thinks just because toothless is gone we will run to her its a no. She needs to live alone. Heal and get strong. work through this. Not drag us into a loser life just because she is our mom. She doesn't deserve the mom title. Mothers don't do this. Its wrong - D17

What a joke. She knew we wanted toothless gone. Why didn't she come to us. So she left because she didn't want to be a mom and not because she found her soul mate.. nice. just like her mother. D17 if you ever act like that I am hitting you over the head with a bat. D15

so the day goes on and I get this message from EX. Says to me that she hopes the girls contact her . Her number is in the paper where she works if they want to reach out.

I tell her. We don't get that paper but yes the girls are old enough to find you through the internet and your email is the same. I'm out of the loop on that one , sorry.

I know you know I am in new town.

Well its a small world. The girls know as well. Nothing to hide here. Sad you didn't take a break and fix you and the girls first.

No reply, so let her sit on that.


Oh the joys of MLC. Just when you think it was at its worst, it shows you more.


M51
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Hey Irish,

I am late to this and just got caught up. What are the odds!!

As always you handled things great. I figured you would talk about it with the girls, sounds like it went well. Your girls are so smart and balanced about the situation, because of you.

Keep up the great work. Geez I wish I had a dad like you. Abandonment is harsh, but your girls are living such a great example through you. I continue to hope your ex gets help and someday, I truly hope your girls get back their mom.

Take care and avoid that neighborhood!
M


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Irish,

You are such a great role model on how to parent and deal with these situations (never ending). I am so happy that your daughters have such an objective and detached view of what’s going on and continue living their own lives. You have taught them well.


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Originally Posted By: Irish M

What a joke. She knew we wanted toothless gone. Why didn't she come to us. So she left because she didn't want to be a mom and not because she found her soul mate.. nice. just like her mother. D17 if you ever act like that I am hitting you over the head with a bat.


she didn't go to the girls because there was no break/time alone between OM1 and OM2... she started with OM2 before her relationship with OM1 was over... she left OM1 for OM2... had she not come across OM2, she would still be with OM1...

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HI artista

Yes, that ran through my thoughts as well.

If there’s a recipe to stay stuck or head towards a rock bottom XW is on the right path.

I got one last update from My XW neighbor.
I told her I don’t need to know these details and I’m sorry you need to deal with her if she comes over .

OM2 lost his liscence so he was telling his neighbor that he’s so happy he stumbled on XW to get him to the bars. Amanda ( the neighbor) says she hears them getting in late , both drunk , yelling at each other. She even looked outside and saw it was XW driving. Stumbling out of the car.

What a change from 3 years ago
From 1-2 beers a months to drunk every night wasted
From calling the cops on kids smoking up in the park to smoking up every day and offering the girls to buy it from her

One thing the OMs have in common. Missing front teeth. Did she hate I had all mine lol

Anyway . I told Amanda , I don’t need details as it doesn’t concern me.

Hopefully her family sees this and reacts


M51
XW43 (38 at bd)
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BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
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I guess you were meant to know

I think when we see the MLCer has crossed over into a addict
lifestyle, It makes it easier to understand their actions
IN alanon, alcoholics are classified as having a true disease-


Always sad for the addicted person and families as it is a lifestyle that is extremely difficult to recover from

Probably a good idea to tell Amanda you have no need to know-
as you did

Hope you have good day!


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really sad sitch she's created for herself.
i'm glad the girls are clear on the reality of the situation, such as it is.
i think it was wise to tell Amanda you didn't need "progress reports"

Glad you had a great Easter, Irish.

I wonder why she felt the need to underscore that you knew she was in a new town. She must obviously be aware of Amanda's connection. Eew. just Eew. I wouldn't want to socialize in that neighborhood.

who knew toothless was the new favored look to attract the errant MLC wife?

Just keep doing you.

xoxoxo


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Hi Peace, Yes I guess it was meant to be this knowledge. I'll stay clear of it for sure. It offers me no comfort and only my empathy for this woman is left. I hope one day she gets well and does whats needed for her girls. Until then, I'll continue as I am . Living

Hi Bttrfly
toothless yes. It boggles the mind. I know myself, i would meet a woman in a bar or date site , If i saw she was a substance abuser and toothless.. I know it would end there.. I wish her luck

Well to my surprise SIL changed her views.

She messages me.

Irish, it going to be 3 years soon. Don't you think it has been long enough? You both need to get together and do what's best for the girls. It is them who is suffering and will have repercussions because of the adult fight. Your XW is no longer with OM1. She is getting her life back on track. Said she left OM1 for this new guy who is stable. Nice guy. Be the good person and make this happen. You should also reach out to my mom. Take care Irish and tell the girls my door is always open.

you can say after hearing that, it made me laugh and choke at the same time. Disgusted feeling after processing it.

This is from SIL who is also D17 godmother. No Xmas or birthday wishes. Is she mad? She has not once reached out and in the early stages of XW MLC. She is the one that confirmed to me that her mom did the same thing and that herself had a short episode with it. That the girls being with me is the best thing and she is so happy that this is the case . She met XW's first OM and said keep the girls away from that guy.

Now telling me to push them to see their mom. No thanks. Telling me to connect with MIL. lol .. what??

I responded.

I'm sorry SIL. I won't reach out to your mother. She made her bed, let her lay in it. She has offered zero support to the girls over these last 2.7 years. So I have nothing to offer her. This is about the girls remember.

Now your sister chose another man over them once again, she could of got herself together and use that energy on them. She chose not to. She hasn't reached out to them since last September and it was a hurtful message that made no sense.

As for yourself, you are D17 god mother. We all know where you stand in that department.

Lets say our goodbyes now and end this conversion here. I will not let it go any further. EX is in your and XMIL hands. Support her or help her or let her be. Not my job or concern any more. My job is making sure the girls are loved and safe.


no reply. I truly hope that is the last of that bull poop. Crazy.

The next day. D17 sends me an email she got from XW. Its an invite on LinkedIn. To both girls. D17 asks " whats this again?"

I explain and D17 says.. "what am I 35 lol, another old person app like Facebook."

So we are still moving forward and I'm even more detached than I thought.

like the Johnny Cash song - I don't hurt anymore. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78c2ZNjfj_Y

Hope you are all enjoying the spring. Here its cold and fresh snow on the ground. No plans to open the pool anytime soon.


M51
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Irish,

I am so very sorry that your SIL reached out and stated what she did. Sounds like your XW has been talking to her and giving her a sob story. She's a fool to even think that you would work "magic" to join in w/the XW to bring all together.

Sounds like the XW is trying every avenue to get to the girls. Well, she needs to step up and straighten herself out before attempting to see them. The girls will see right through her. Such a sad situation.

I think you did the right thing by setting her straight on how you feel about the situation. I do not think this will be the last time you hear from any of them. They'll try again...but they have to regroup once again.

I do hope that you and the girls have a pleasant weekend.


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The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Ok I checked ... not a full moon, so what’s with all the crazy???

My first thought is that we don’t know what BS line eew has given exsil
My next thought is, it doesn’t matter. She should have stepped upstairs for the girls.

She didn’t and it’s her loss.

Xoxoxoxo hugs


M 20+ T25+
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Stepped up.. not upstairs
Sorry typing on a tiny screen as I wait In the car for my mom to finish her errands


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BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

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Hi Irish, i think you nailed it on the head with SIL, she is being fed BS by EXW and is reacting.to it. Once again you handled the situation well.

Very tough for your Ds but they have their options to contact exw or not.

Carry on been their rock.

Take care , RD

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Wow, what a piece of work those women are. So sorry you had to even engage minimally with their garbage. You're an awesome dad with two very cool sounding smart and savvy girls.

I'm trying to be the best dad I can be as the kids mom is mostly absent these days.


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Originally Posted By: job


Sounds like the XW is trying every avenue to get to the girls. Well, she needs to step up and straighten herself out before attempting to see them. The girls will see right through her. Such a sad situation.



Hi Job
Its funny she tried this LinkedIn invite the first year gone when with OM1. Just after I spoke to SIL. I remember it well because it surprised me then too the Linkedin invite and that she just didn't create another fake Facebook and message them directly. Their privacy is set high but its open for anyone to message them. Easiest path I guess is the hardest.

Originally Posted By: bttrfly


My first thought is that we don’t know what BS line eew has given exsil
My next thought is, it doesn’t matter. She should have stepped upstairs for the girls.



I would love to hear that BS story. lol I've never got a reason for her to leave me. When MIL Bf came over in 2015. I showed him facts and he still said, Irish there is 2 sides to the story. I said then what I said to SIL this week. Ok tell me. I'd love to know. And is it that bad that she has to abandoned the kids too. Ok leave me , but them.. She a mom would have saved them if I am such a horrible person.

I know they are family (EX, SIL, MIL) . So for those reading. That bond will protect and ignore all facts about irrational behaviors so they don't upset your MLC'r. So never try to talk to any of them and show them facts. They will always chose family. Even if they know it is wrong.

Originally Posted By: rd500

Very tough for your Ds but they have their options to contact exw or not.


Hey RD. Yes , the girls have at least 4 ways of contacting their mom. I have always said they should in the beginning when they doubted them selves and blamed themselves for their mom going bat Sheet crazy. But now I don't anymore. They know more about he truth and new memories come out on the last few months of her living here. I was so blind.

D17 is taking psychology courses at college and they have discussed Mid Life a few times.

Most of it is healthy Mid Life. The Mid Life transition of hitting a certain age and saying. I want to go back to school at 45 and learn a new career or skill. They don't talk about the crisis part.

Originally Posted By: JaseP

I'm trying to be the best dad I can be as the kids mom is mostly absent these days.


Hi JaseP
Catching up with your sitch. Your goal right now is just that. Be the best dad you can be. Not a Disney dad, but a loving, strong, caring and teacher Dad. Also, add yourself in there. Take care of you and be the best you that JaseP can be.


hope your Sundays are MLC free.

Irish


M51
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Hi Irish

I know what you mean about wanting to hear her side. I am right there with you. I don’t think we are ever going to get our answers. Must be something pretty big going on in their heads to be able to justify leaving their children.

I am hoping for good news for you and D15 next week. Take care.


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Irish, how are things going, any updates. OLW







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M51
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M51
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Hi OLW

Sorry I missed your message , I have been lurking here but not paying attention to my own stitch.

Also wasn’t sure if all the bugs were fixed when posting.

I am doing good. Work and the girls.

No news from XW. Which is good and better yet no news from my friend who is neighbour to XW and OM2. I don’t need info. No contact from her entire family.

With my GF it had a small bump in the road. Pressuring moving in together. I’m just not there and neither are the girls. GF sees this is a long term deal and no sudden changes just yet in where we live.

Celebrated my 49th Birthday , I feel 30 which is good.

I do however follow along and read the newbies. I also went back to read my first posts as well.

It’s crazy our mindset when coming here for then first time. Looking for the magic spell to snap our MLCr out of all this. Of course we learn there is none. And we are not the exception, our spouse will not be that one in 2 million person to break free of MLC and never return

It’s time and self care. Prayer for our MLCr and that’s it.

I do still hope one day she will connect with the girls. It’s going on 3 years BD and soon 3 years the girls haven’t seen their mom.

Hard to imagine but it real.

I hope you are all well. I do miss you all and hope you all find the strength to save yourselves.

Irish


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thanks Job


M51
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happy birthday old bean xoxoxo


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How is it going Irish.







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Hi OLW

all good on this side of the MLC table. XW still a no show, no message and no sign..

Girls had a little moment of what if. They asked my my opinion and I was as neutral as possible

" DaD, me and D15 were thinking. What if we reach out to our mom and test the waters. Maybe mom is so hurt by her own actions and ashamed of what she did she can't face us. Maybe if we show interest she will slowly come back as a mom. "

I said to them" If you are curious and want to see your mom you have every right to do so. She is and always will be your mom. I can't say what your mom is feeling or her reason for staying away from you girls. You have nothing to lose if your try. Also your birthdays are coming up she will surely send you a message as she had in the past. You can also take that as a start to communicate. Take it slow and see where that goes.

I can't promise you anything but you never know. Only your mom knows how she will react and act after you reaching out.

D17, who will be 18 at the end of July. She suddenly says no.. forget it. I don't know what I was thinking. Whenever I or D15 talk about our mom we lose reality. She really messed up. I don't want to see or talk to her. Besides if she wants us she will do something about it.


So , I know the girls miss her. Sadly they miss the what was her and not this new person. D17 is right and has been since day one of all this. Her gut feeling and instinct were dead on.

Hope everyone is good. I've read some new posts and i see they are all in good hands with the veterans. I wish we were all not here for the reasons we are and this was a forum on how to edit photography and film :-)

I'll for sure be back after D17 B-day. she will be 18. I will be taking her out to my favorite pub.. she has been wanting this for so long. 18 is the legal age here so a Guinness it will be :-)


M51
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Awesome stuff Irish,

You are an awesome dad.

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Glad to see you are doing well!


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Irish, I spent the last 6 or 7 hours reading your 15 threads. I am speechless. One of your posts you wrote in January put tears in my eyes, the one where your daughter commented about what your EXW said when she left, that she was wrong and she's the one who missed out on the great trips.

You have been a great father and a great example. I am so sorry you have to go through all of this for such a long time. I will continue following your posts.

As for me, I have been posting on New Beginners. I think it's time that I move my posts in the Midlife section...


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Hi Kiro

I am following your sitch and I see that you are getting great advice.. It's not easy following it but in the end you need to trust your gut and look out for your kids. I too am sorry you are going through this. Not easy with kids. It makes it all more puzzling how they can just lose that motherly instinct.

As for my situation with the girls birthdays approaching. D17 this week and D15 in 2 weeks. I wasn't sure they would be messaged at all. The last birthday and Xmas they got zero contact. They did mention last week that they bet their birth mother ( that is what they call her now) will do something stupid.

Well their intuition was right. My mom calls me.

"Irish, I received 2 envelops. One for D17 and one for D15 . No return address."

So I swing by and pick them up. XW handwriting.. I get home and leave them on the table for the girls. D17 sees it.

"OMG, is that what I think it is"

I don't know. they are addressed to you, delivered to Nanny's house.

"Nanny?? why would birth mother send them there. lol did she forget where we live".

No clue?

D15 comes up and gets hers. This is where it hits home. She starts crying.
"Why does she do this, send us pockets of her and no real attempt. It hurts more and more . I hate her.

they both open the letters after exchanging and venting their feelings.

D17 card read:

Hi D17, soon you will be 18. Just want you to know I think about you everyday. Love mom xx

D15 card read:

Hi D15, I think about you every day, you will always be my baby , love mom xx

each contained a visa gift card of 25$

D17 says lets send it back. I don't want it.
D15 , send the card back , i'm keeping the cash . No send it back. that's not what i wanted.

So I say. You know girls maybe this is all she can do at this point. Yes D15 it comes in pockets. I couldn't imagine not seeing you guys for over 3 years. One day I hope she will figure it out.
As for the cards. You guys decide what you want to do with them.



So they decided to get them out of our house and send them back . Money cards included.

My parents were not that happy receiving this at their house. My dad said it gave him an eerie feeling. Like hes put in the middle. Doesn't like that feeling and she should fix her own mess. I understand him 100% . Like what are they supposed to tell the girls. Forgive their mom. or call her to thank her.

I find it funny she sent them to my parents house. As if I keep things from them here at home.

The girls are home after school at 3pm. EX just needs to drive by, knock on the door etc.
Emails , she has their personal one. No attempt.
Facebook, ok the girls blocked her. How hard is it to create a fake Facebook and message them there. Oh wait, that's pretty easy to do, XW had her 2nd Facebook while meeting OM1 so she knows how to do it.

on a personal note. I am working on my D15 sweet 16 party. I did the same for D17. Limo, supper out alone with friends and an activity of her choice. I also love making movies. So I start editing old home movies from D15 birth to last week at Comic-con. Well it was harder this time around going through memories and footage of XW when she was the person I loved. Crazy who she became as I don't recognize her at all now. |Not sure why i was affect more with this , I did the same for D17 and didn't get the same at a loss feeling. Maybe after withdrawal and acceptance there is a thing called memories that pull on your heart string.

I know she will never be that person again and I'm not waiting for it to happen. Too much has happened to forgive and forget.

I still have hope for the girls.





.


M51
XW43 (38 at bd)
BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
moved out Aug 2 2015
left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20)
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I just want to say you're a h@ll of a dad. (((hug)))

Last edited by job; 07/24/18 11:46 AM. Reason: edited a word
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I completely agree with Ellie - you are a h@lluva dad, Irish, and thank God they have you.

Originally Posted by Irish M



on a personal note. I am working on my D15 sweet 16 party. I did the same for D17. Limo, supper out alone with friends and an activity of her choice. I also love making movies. So I start editing old home movies from D15 birth to last week at Comic-con. Well it was harder this time around going through memories and footage of XW when she was the person I loved. Crazy who she became as I don't recognize her at all now. |Not sure why i was affect more with this , I did the same for D17 and didn't get the same at a loss feeling. Maybe after withdrawal and acceptance there is a thing called memories that pull on your heart string.

I know she will never be that person again and I'm not waiting for it to happen. Too much has happened to forgive and forget.

I still have hope for the girls.


I understand. I don't think it's memories pulling on heart strings so much as the last and hardest thing to give up on is the dream - the dream of the happy family, growing old together. MLC is like death, only worse because the person is still physically here but the soul we loved seems to have just vanished. I miss the man I married and spent many years with. The man who divorced me, not so much. But now that he's moving 3000 miles away I find myself alternating between hoping he leaves tomorrow and being very sad about how it all worked out (or didn't) for us. I figure it's just another step in letting go.

{{{{{{{Irish}}}}}}}

Last edited by job; 07/24/18 11:46 AM. Reason: edited a word

M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
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Irish,

You are a great father. Your girls are so lucky that they have a strong, compassionate father in their lives.

I am so sorry that your xw can't seem to get herself together. She is a very lost soul and may never find her way back to the real world.


Happy birthday to your daughter. I hope that she has a great day and many happy memories are made this week.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Hello Irish M

What a strange way for “birth mom” to reach out. I suspect you are more right than you realize, that is probably the best she can do right now.

I am sure your Ds will love their birthdays. Two milestones coming up in weeks. D15 must be so excited. D17 becoming an adult. It is an emotional and happy time.

Originally Posted by Irish M
I know she will never be that person again and I'm not waiting for it to happen. Too much has happened to forgive and forget.
I understand. You cannot just forget all this. Maybe in time you will find forgiveness becomes more possible, I hope so.

Originally Posted by Irish M
I still have hope for the girls.


You are an awesome Dad and an inspiration to many. Enjoy the upcoming parties!


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Irish, happy birthday for your girls.

Re-forgetting and forgiving: I have a cousin whose H left her many years ago. She suffered like most LBSs and raised her daughter on her own. Her H was a real jerk, cake eating, having multiple affairs, etc. Anyway, it's been maybe 10 years or more. She is a very loving and forgiving person. She somehow managed to find that peace inside her, she totally forgave him, and accepts him as a friend now.

I asked her how can you be his friend after everything he did to you and your daughter.

Her answer was "It just happens when time passes... you forget all this... it happened to me after the divorce... I felt angry at first and then with time your feelings change and you feel they are just an acquaintance with whom you have something in common (the kids) so they are closer than just an acquaintance.... now we are ok together and all the anger is gone"

These are her exact words that I copy/pasted. Maybe 1 day, you (and I and others) will be able to get there too smile


Me:49 XW:41, M:18 years, Kids: S18,S14
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Wow, Irish, the way you handled each and every moment of this story is INCREDIBLE! How I wish wish wish my kids had a dad 1/10 as loving and thoughtful and selfless as you. The damage of losing their mom must be so incredibly painful but the rock you are providing in helping them learn to deal with that pain and in showering them with love the rest of the time will serve them well all their lives and help them be attracted to the right kind of guys (guys like you!) later on!

Last edited by Gerda; 07/24/18 01:58 PM.

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HI everyone

thanks for all the support ((( hugs))) KML, bttrfly, Job, DnJ, Kiro and Gerda

thanks for the D17 birthday wishes, She's now 18, I need to update that in my signature smile

So the cards went out. No comments written on them .Just sent to her address and girls were happy that they did not keep them. She would of received them on the 25th.

Well the 26th at 5pm. I receive a bailiff at my house with an envelope addressed to me.

written up that same day on the 26th. D18 birthday.
Funny I got the divorce paper on D18 birthday when she turned 16, So i guess there's a theme.

it states.

Miss XW is very upset receiving a parcel at her house which is a private address. This address was not given to you and miss XW is upset and worried. She would like no further deliveries made to her private house. Also, she has held her part and still does 3 years after the divorce was final. You Irish have custody of the children who are 16 and 18. Full custody and XW pays and I would like to remind you that she has not missed one child support payment within the 3 years. She would like access to her children and only her children should contact her.

You are requested to not email, text or call her in the future. No packages or mail sent to her private address. There is no need for you to update her on her children so no contact is needed.




well i simplified the message but clearly says no contact.. I have no problem with that. I do have a problem with her upsetting the girls and upsetting my parents. I will continue to defend and stand up for them if they request it from me. If my D was 38 and 40 , i'd do the same.

Her emotional abuse every time she pops her head out of her hole is now too much for D15 to handle. She has requested to me and D18 to not share anything about her birth mother . If she gets a letter to throw it away. I will respect those wishes.

I sent the letter to my lawyer so he can have it on file. He said that XW is very irrational in her requests as she instigates reactions. She is not well and this new lawyer she has clearly is taken advantage of a broken person. If XW would ask her to sue me for the moon this lawyer would take on the case for the $$. He also suggested a restraining order to her from the girls and my parents demanding her to not contact or send them anything until she has been seen by a medical professional. To protect them of any more emotional stress.

what was funny and forgotten was , She hasn't paid child support for 3 years as the first year she made a false claim with the gov't and said she had the sole custody of the girls. Received $$$ from the gov't as a single mom. They did catch her and she paid it back with a penelty.

so a whole lot of crazy.

I tell my GF about the letter, she tells me she has something to tell me. You see my Xw lives across from one of my GF sorority sisters. The friend of my GF has no interaction with XW. has met her twice and was not impressed and saw through her lies and playing victim. I told her I don't need to hear about my XW. So anything she sees or hears keep it off my path and out of any discussion. She has respected that.

my Gf pushes and says this is important.

so I say ok shoot.

well your XW was awake early last week, so it was said. Walking around the front lawn of OM2 house. EX found a purse, a cell phone and boots. Not all in the same location. Scattered across the lawn. She immediately panicked and called the police.

once she got off the phone she walked into the back yard and there was a woman. Barefoot and seems lost. Couldn't stand up straight. XW asked her if she was ok. The woman said she was in a bar a couple of towns over and after her second drink remembers nothing. Woke up here. XW hugged her and he woman started to cry. The police showed up and took her to the hospital . They want to ensure she is ok. However the police come back and tape off OM2 house with tape. Crime scene.

XW is being questioned. Neighbors are all outside on looking, Listening to whats going on. This is how my GF sorority sister knows so much.
Also it was also discovered that OM2 knows the BF of the woman.

so crazy upon crazy.

Now its possible this woman was wondering around after being drugged or drunk. Whats odd is the location. the bar is 15 miles away. Nothing between both towns but smaller towns, farms and corn fields. What are the chances she ends up at that house where OM2 knows the BF of this woman.

well to add to it. XW works at the local paper. Needed to share the story. Had one ofh te reporters write up a witness to a strange event. She did this as an unidentified witness. She goes on how supporting and how she saved this woman from trauma. How she found he purse and didn't give up until she solved the case. Bla bla bla. all about her and nothing about this poor woman. Nothing about the connection of the BF and OM2

makes me think restraining order might be a good idea as XW is messed up with some crazy people

And how was your week lol


M51
XW43 (38 at bd)
BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
moved out Aug 2 2015
left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20)
Her divorce Final July 26 2016
Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
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Wow! I had to read that a coupe of times to figure that out. What a crazy story. XW is sure messed up.

The message from XW delivered from the bailiff. You are so right, that’s a big no contact. Good idea giving it to your L.

The restraining order is starting to look like a good option. Your girls’ and parents’ emotional well-being is very important.

I hope D15 can quickly put this behind her and enjoys her 16th Birthday.


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I am so sorry that she's still irrational and to do what she did. I'm not making excuses for her bad behavior, but it sounds like she's a very lost soul, i.e., the drugs and booze have taken a toll on her mind. If she wants no contact, then no contact it would be. If she contacts you, make a copy of the missive and stash it somewhere as evidence that she's attempting to instigate another mess.

As for your daughters, I hope your daughter had a nice birthday, in spite of her mother's behavior. I'm going to wish your other daughter a happy birthday a bit early because I'm sure you'll be busy planning that event for her. Your daughters know their own minds when it comes to their mother. She's going to discover that they don't want a thing to do w/her. It's very, very sad...but she brought this all on herself. I pray that she gets some help before it's too late.

Please take care of yourself.


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happy bday to D18!!!!!

Get a restraining order for the girls and your parents. run. don't walk!!!!

It has always bothered me that eew (or the threat of eew) has consistently ruined every birthday, holiday and milestone since she left. She's set the table. Now it's your turn to serve her the just desserts she's more than earned.

I'm sorry if that sounds mean or vindictive, but it's too much too far and she's b@t $h!t crazy to boot! your mom and dad should be enjoying their lives now, not worrying about a drugged up loose cannon. The girls have been through enough. Take action. Please.

xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
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Irish - sounds like she has some fierce paranoia over there. It's really sad. And I am so sorry that she is losing the most valuable commodity there is: time.

Keep being the tank you are.


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
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10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
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Hi Irish just to echo everyone's else , your on your own path and you are a rock for your daughters. I can't imagine the pain , anger, sadness , etc they must go through and all you can do is to be there for them. emotionally. Your Ds are coping with a incredibly tough situation , your strength is a shining light for them. The latest from EXW is just more of the same and a feeble attempt to make her ' matter'. She is attempting to draw the focus back on her because in her world she is the victim. I may sound hard but but i believe WASs come to the realisation that they are not the centre of the universe and people who they left behind have moved forward and that is notnwhatbthey want..

Enjoy yours Ds, your own life and your future, we only get one go at this life so live it the way that is best for you and yours.

Take care , Rd

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Hi Irish

Why do you think you need a restraining order? From what I read there is no real danger or excessive hassle. I'd ignore her for now. I'm not saying that her actions aren't sources of stress for ye all. Definitely. But if the usual pattern continues she'll be MIA again soon enough.

I wonder if OM2 wasn't told about ye and the returned letters let the cat out of her bag. That could explain something. He could even have gone on a binge with the strange woman in reaction. All speculation and all pointless. Not your monkeys.

I hope your GF can be patient and not pressure you to move in together. You'll know when is right for you and your D's.


I think.you were wise to point out to D's that the card geste was all she was capable of right now. Although it isn't what the girls want of her it was yet again another reaching out to them. In her mind she is doing her best and is being rejected again. Technically she is right but no one would blame the girls for not accepting the gift.

No advice to give. Keep doing what you are doing.

Best wishes


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
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Next R chat Aug'17
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Originally Posted by DnJ


The restraining order is starting to look like a good option. Your girls’ and parents’ emotional well-being is very important.


Hi Dnj

yes it is looking more like that . I did get a reply from my lawyer and he said I should reply to her lawyer directly. No need for him to reply and start a huge lawyer game back and forth.

So I sent a simple email stating

I received the letter preventing me from contacting your clients in any form. I will accept and follow this rule. However, I hope this goes both ways. As my responses to your client are merely me stating facts and protecting my family members from any stress that your client is causing.

so we leave it at that. No real change as from now until Christmas there is nothing for her to reach out about.

Originally Posted by job
If she contacts you, make a copy of the missive and stash it somewhere as evidence that she's attempting to instigate another mess.



Hi Job
yes , if there was one thing you all taught me was to keep records. When i looked at them recently to clean out my PC. It was sad reading them. Never in my wildest dreams I thought of her as evil and cold. That she could do this. She had my complete trust. Now I would protect my worst enemy from her craziness .

Originally Posted by bttrfly


It has always bothered me that eew (or the threat of eew) has consistently ruined every birthday, holiday and milestone since she left. She's set the table. Now it's your turn to serve her the just desserts she's more than earned.



HI Bttrfly. How are the eagles :-)
Yes next step is just that. One more hurtful attempt and the girls themselves will get a restraining order on their mom.
Sad writing that.

My Lawyer said that since they are 15 (soon 16) and 18 . it would have to come from them. D18 still asks to have her name removed from her birth certificate.


Originally Posted by HaWho
I am so sorry that she is losing the most valuable commodity there is: time.


Hi HaWho

yes, very sad. She has missed so much since she left. this time in the girls life things happen so fast. Graduations. learning to drive, boy friends, bonding, becoming young women, birthdays. I don't know how she does it.


Originally Posted by rd500
I can't imagine the pain , anger, sadness , etc they must go through and all you can do is to be there for them. emotionally. Your Ds are coping with a incredibly tough situation , your strength is a shining light for them.


Yes, I feel their pain every day. It's draining on me sometimes and breaks my heart. I know it will affect them forever. She was an amazing mom and wife. Huge loss. I also know that they are strong and will continue to move forward.

Originally Posted by rd500

She is attempting to draw the focus back on her because in her world she is the victim.


most definitely. Her victim personality is strong.

I met up with an old colleague. She went through a depression. Got help and is finally back to work. She told me that she really blamed everyone else. If her car didn't start in the winter at -30. It was her BF fault. If work was bad and she was late getting things done. It was everyone else's fault. She said she would sit at her desk and have dark thoughts, think about just leaving everything and everyone. Days went by and she did nothing at work. Felt angry all the time. But always thought she was surrounded by idiots and she was not to blame for anything. Until she got real bad and got help. Therapist and meds.


Originally Posted by roist


Why do you think you need a restraining order?From what I read there is no real danger or excessive hassle


well when I confronted her about OM1, she got one against me. She did not want me to know where she was living. I think since the girls sent the cards back to her address. She realizes I know where she lives. So restraining order number 2

and to what the lawyer wrote. She didn't like me pointing out her bad mother skills. She can't hear the truth.

My XW is good at getting cheap lawyers. This is her 3rd. If she says write me a letter and its all a load of crap. And that even that lawyer knows its crap. They do it anyway and take her money. Her first lawyer spoke to my lawyer that she is illogical and not well. He still took her money for crazy requests.

Originally Posted by roist
I think.you were wise to point out to D's that the card geste was all she was capable of right now.


Yes, I am honest with the girls and they know how i feel. They are at a point where me saying that she is not well and she was a good mom before. She is just not ready to make a true attempt.. They get mad and say.. no dad , she is and will always be a bad person.

Time will tell how that changes for them.


So D18 had a great birthday. Spent a lot of time with her this week as my gift to her was her first car. So car shopping we went. Great bonding time and lesson in patience.. She wanted the first one we saw. I took 3 to the garage for inspection and we decided on the one that had no issues. Used but in great shape. I want her to have more independence. This way she can get a better part time job. Easier commute to college. We live on an island, connected by 2 bridges. Public transport is not the best on this side and jobs are limited. A car gives her more opportunities. She is responsible for her gas only this year. Next year she takes on the registration and insurance.

We had to go to the bank to withdrawal some of her school money I put aside.She needs a new lap top. Yes the same money that XW tried to steal 2 years ago. Well it seams she tried again. She was shot down by the bank under the order they had from the court. In the divorce document she has no access to that money. I need to sign along with D18 or D15 to take it out for them. No one else. Not even them alone as it is intended for college.

D15 turns 16 tomorrow. I made the same video I made for D18 when she turned 16. Footage from baby to 16. Emotional . However It was a lot easier this time around to make it. Seeing XW in those videos did not affect me as much. I edited her out of course.
When I made D18's 16 year old video I was a mess. It was a year only into MLC. Time and distance does make it easier.


prayers for everyone going through this.

Irish


M51
XW43 (38 at bd)
BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
moved out Aug 2 2015
left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20)
Her divorce Final July 26 2016
Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
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You're an awesome dad. And yes, even though they can't hear it now, it's ok for you to tel them she's not well and this isn't the person she was when they were younger.

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Hey Irish - wrong season for eagles on the lake here in town, and I've not had the time to go to Plum Island to check them out. It's been all about my wolves, as we have puppies who are now 13 weeks old. That's been amazing to experience! Also, big move for me later this month.

I'm so glad the orders are in place with the bank. Unreal the depths they sink to in their crisis. I'm glad you sought legal counsel. Happy bday to D (almost) 16!

I spent the weekend cleaning out the basement, lots of stuff that is exh's and also stuff from 26 years together. Photos, cards, etc. I had my friend whose exw went through a MLC six years ago come help. It was easier when he was here. As upsetting as this all is, it passes so much faster now than it did even two years ago.

The girls know beyond the shadow of a doubt that they can count on you no matter what. That means everything.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

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A box full of darkness.
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Wow she tried to get the money again. Glad things were in place to stop her.

My kids each have a sizeable inheritance from their great-grandparents with W being the sole trustee until they reach 23 years of age. The will stated the money could be used for education which would sure be nice with S19 and S17 both enrolled in university. Last time W was approach about this she refused and held the money as leverage over the kids.

It is crazy to see how our spouses change at a fundamental level.

Having you speak to her lawyer directly was a pretty good idea and a lot more efficient and cost effective. And as you said nothing real to happen until Christmas.

You have done a great job with your girls. Car shopping must have been pretty exciting for D18 and maybe even for Irish? smile


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Hi KML

I have said that so many times over the past 3 years to them.. I'm sure it will one day hit them as the truth.

Hi bttrfly

thank you for the D16 Bday wish. she had a great birthday. well 2 of them. One with my entire family and a second one with friends over. Bank has my girls back. they have been dealing with me and my XW for so long and when we starting o put this money aside it was set in stone. For education. So the bank knows that XW is off the chart.

DnJ

yes car shopping was fun. I would of went more sport or jeep but practical and economical it was. Red, so still a nice looking car.

Yes its crazy how much our MLC'r lose all moral values and common sense.

As for nothing will happen until Xmas.. i was wrong


received a second letter from her lawyer.

1 - Demanding the name of he hospital and doctor following D16.

2 - Reminded me that she as a mother can reach out to her daughters when and how many times she wants.
that it is not up to me if she does or not.

3 - That goes for my parents, this lawyer says that her client can email or call my parents when she wants to discuss the girls.

4 - That i am not to speak poorly about her husband .... WHAT. HUSBAND???
so she left OM1 in January 2018. Moved in with this guy and is married to him. Wasn't OM1 her soul mate in July 2017 and they got matching tattoos on their wrists to celebrate the date they met. crazy

ok back to the letter.

5- under no circumstances do i attempt to contact her myself.

well this was an easy one to respond to. Actually i got it yesterday. On D16 birthday. Sort of a theme there.
waited until just now to reply.

it went something like this :

Lawyer blah

D16 does not wish to share her medical doctor with your client. Under the provincial law after the age of 14 she is not required to do so. I have updated your client in the past and during the year and a half of tests and specialist. Your client has not once asked about her. I continued to update her and now with the restriction in place I will refrain from doing so.

as for communication with the girls . It is up to them to respond. If they feel it is too stressful they have requested that we get a restraining order in place.

as for my parents . I have included their emails in this correspondence. They are both well area of the situation and request that your client refrain from contacting them in the future. Not complying will result in a restraining order as well.



I did not comment on her husband. and I will not email her directly. Easy to do since both actions are not worth it..

this lawyer is really playing her for a fool and getting some nice fees out of her.

Sent it to mine and he sent me back a LOL .

The girls will find out that she is married and I feel that they will now want to close that door for good.

Now do I tell them or let it slide? They will find out and I know they will be devastated.


Irish


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You have been open and truthful all along with your girls.Stick to that.

Just say that he was referred to as her H. You don't know if it's true or any other details. Then let the cookies crumble.

From an independent observer with no emotional link, I don't see that as being any worse than the rest of the story. More of the same really. I would not say that it nails the coffin on her R with her Ds but yeah it won't. I still have hope that one day they Dr reconcile but as you said, she isn't at a place where that is possible.

I also noticed that she believes she is regularly reaching out and she sees you as blocking her. Both are true especially to her. To me you are not blocking her but acting as a buffer on behalf of your girls. When she realises that, then maybe a new pattern could emerge.

She does seem to have a bee in her bonnet at the moment. Curious.

Best wishes


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Irish - I thought for sure the Jeep would win out. smile Red is a great colour, I am sure D18 loves it.

A follow up letter from her L. Goodness she’s wound up, and again on a 16th Birthday. She sure has something for holidays and other special days - a not the good way.

Her husband, ya pretty big shock. As for the remainder of the letter and her demands, you handled that very well. Your reply very well done.

I advise telling your girls the truth. You always have, they are strong and they deserve to know. It is best if it comes from you. Besides you, parents, etc... don’t want to keep secrets from Ds.

I think your daughters are very strong, like their father, and will bounce back from this devastating news quickly.

The whole thing seems a little orchestrated on exwife’s part. A way and time to announce her husband? It was quiet for so long. I may be reading too much in to this, and it really doesn’t matter at the moment.

Just shake your head and keep doing what your doing.

Take care Irish


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I wrote a post and deleted it because I am reluctant to advise on this because

You always know what to say to your girls so go with your gut

If it were me I would say something for the same reason DNJ said no secrets

And who knows why all this activity now but it is clear to me you are handling it all as well as possible with no spinning

Crazy story about the woman on the lawn so so so not your circus


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Irish, I just caught up on the craziness. I pray that you find the right words to say to your girls. I know that you will, because you are that awesome of a dad. Just be honest with them...you are their rock.

I am also shocked that your daughter didn't just take your Jeep...mine daughter confiscated my Jeep, so I had to invest in a new car myself, and decided to go topless & sporty with this one.

Stand strong my brother...we are all praying for you and your family.


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What I'm seeing is impression management aimed at her current amour and not at you.

"I'm a wonderful mother but Irish is a big stinky meany!"

Whether she actually married some guy or not is indeed not any of your concern. If you wanted to mention it to the girls you could say that you got a letter from her lawyer talking about some sort of husband or not. Yeah - it would be a bit of a kick but they've excluded her and her nonsense from their lives for a fairly long time now.

I am positive that they do believe their own press releases at least when there is impression management to be done.

It does always make me smile how lawyers are supposed to be scaring us.


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Irish - one good thing you have going for you should she ever take you to court over custody stuff (not likely since the girls are of age) - but you have it all documented here, including the girls' refusals and your attempts to soften their attitudes.

As for the "husband" - I give it a 50:50 chance of even being true. I doubt I would mention it if it isn't true - why cause additional hurt to your girls?

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call me crazy but i think it's entirely possible she told this lawyer that she is married to OM2 and is in fact only living with him.

Everything she says is a lie, why wouldn't that also be a lie?

Well played Irish.

Just noticed Ellie's in agreement on that theory ...

Glad D16 had a great birthday.

I still say the girls and your folks should get the restraining order.


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I think you've handled the situation quite nicely. You've been very upfront with your responses to the lawyer and now it is up to him to decide what he wants to do with the information. You've been more than forthcoming w/her over the years and kept her in loop where it concerns your daughter's health issue. She's not once put forth the effort to come to the house or arrange to speak them. She doesn't or can't admit that the girls are growing up and making decisions for themselves now. She can't accept the fact that they do not want anything to do w/her because of her own actions.

Yes, her lawyer is having a field day w/all of this...but he/she has to know that your xw is not all there when it comes to being rational about day to day life.

I think, at some point, you can casually mention what you've been told about the so called husband. That will put the final touches on the situation for your girls and they may shut the door completely for any type of relationship for a very, very long time, if ever.


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Hi Everyone

thanks so much for the birthday wishes of now D16 and D18
was a busy 10 days. Throw in my dads birthday and my older brother. NO MORE CAKE.. please.. no more.. ok ok.. only if it's ice cream cake. Way too hot here still, i could eat that all day.

Well, I did speak to D18 about her mother. She wants to be involved with everything and wants to know. D16 doesn't.
D18'd face did drop but a few minutes later she said " what is she thinking? Dad, is there no one in her circle seeing this crazy stuff and stopping her?"

I told her, most probably but put yourself in your moms shoes, she feels what she is doing is right. She won't listen to anyone. So even if someone said .. hey.. what the heck are you thinking.. she would just cut them out.

We both agreed to not share the wedding with D16. Respecting her wishes.

Last friday, I get a new letter from her lawyer.

Mr, Irish. this is the last time we ask that you share information about your D16. Her mother is upset that her role as a mother is put to the side. She should be involved in every aspect of her D16 health and life.

We give you until the 15th to share the hospital info of where and when the scan is happening and the name of her doctor that is following her.

Please remember , do not under any circumstances send this information directly to our client. We will forward it to her.


WHAT??? my god they are persistent.

I replied.

My lawyer will be in touch.

Do they not know the laws in this province. She is 16, not 5.
Her being concerned ? after a year and a half of no reaction to my updates on this.

My lawyer is drafting a letter reply. Stating that if either her lawyer of herself contact me or the girls we will file a law suit for harassment. These letters have to stop. It's clear manipulation.

My lawyer is now representing my D16. I brought her up to speed as she needed to write her mom a letter stating that she no longer wants to be contacted directly or through a 3rd party such as her grandparents or other family or friends parents.
That she, when ready will reach out to her mom on a healthy field.

So i also updated her about the wedding. She was shocked at first but said she expected her to marry the first guy so who cares, her problem. I'll never meet him or accept him.


So my lawyer will send this to her lawyer and close a huge door. XW has crossed the final finish line but in the wrong direction.

My lawyer will also advise her lawyer that he crossed a line and what they are trying to do is abusive and if continued will finish in a law suit as well.

with all that said. The girls hold the power in all this now. If ever they want to connect she isn't hard to find. Let's pray their mom finds a safe place in her life so this could happen. Until then.. let's all stay away.


D16 has a few tests to perform and we should get results from the last scan on the 15th. I have faith she is fine and will be for a long time. Her episodes have disappeared. No more fainting or losing vision. No more dizzy spells or headaches for quite some time. I am expecting great news.

i'll update you all on Wednesday :-) just don't tell my XW


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Irish

No surprise you are protecting your Ds

You are the best dad

Pray all the tests go well

XW and her L are both nuts


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Great news that D16 has been symptom free for so long. I hope all her recent test results are good.

Irish, I feel a connection to your situation for what are probably obvious reasons. I am sorry it has ended up this way.

I know you are in a good and healthy place, and that you are also not made of unfeeling stone. Indifference is not impervious nor absolute, some times things still get through. It is, and will be, ok.

Her persistence in this latest course of action is unfortunate. I completely agree with what you are doing with lawyer.

Best of luck to you and your girls.


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Hi, Irish -- You sound like such an amazing dad, and a rock for your girls! I hope the tests all come back okay. Gosh it's so painful to be a parent!

I just wanted to say that no matter how disgustingly horrible and awful their mom is right now, they will suffer more if they never forgive her. And when my own mom died, that was what was most devastating to me, that she didn't know I was working on forgiving her and had a whole plan to start seeing her a lot more and loving her unconditionally. And I'm in my 40's, it still is a thorn.

I'm not saying they can do that right now. I'm just saying that the rhetoric of your narrative about it is very justice-oriented. I don't know what kinds of conversations you are having with your kids, but for example, removing her mom from her birth certificate makes no sense except as an act of despair and bitterness. I would plant tiny little seeds of forgiveness sometimes. Rage is way more damaging than sorrow. My H has taken money out of my D's wallet twice and while I of course counsel her about it and of course make a much better hiding place and opened a bank account so it won't happen again, I did also encourage her to forgive him enough that she has no anger/bitterness about it. It's different for her than your girls because she still really loves her dad. I am sure that when she is older that will hit her more, the crazy neglectful things he did, but I am glad that for now she can pray for him and also hang out with him without making it too complicated, I think it will make it easier for her to work through anger later. I am not comparing this to your sitch at all, I know your daughters need to be protected on all fronts from that amount of craziness and should not see their mom or share details of their lives if they don't want to. I just wonder about helping them understand mental illness to pave a future path toward forgiveness (even if they have no actual relationship with her) instead of trying to erase the connection entirely. As a woman, I have experienced much more peace about my mom with that approach than when I was set on the other path of always justifying my hatred/anger.

I just printed out something about mentally ill parents for my son, I will try pasting it here in case it could be helpful. I edited it down from something I found on a blog. It even helped me thinking back on my life with my mom when I was a teen.

Last edited by Gerda; 08/14/18 06:16 AM.

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Looks like it worked but of course all the images don't come through. Here's the document --

It’s tough to talk about these stories, but they need to be said. I’ve compiled a list of 10 things only kids of mentally ill parents can understand:

1. Having a mentally ill parent is like having a parent with a physical illness that you can’t talk about.

2. “Unpredictable” is the best way to describe living with a mentally ill parent every day.

3. You may not fear for your safety, but you’ll always fear the worst will happen.

4. When the good days are good, they are really good. When the bad days are bad, they’re worse than you can imagine.

5. The good times make you question if the bad times really were that bad… until the next outburst.

6. Things can change on a dime.

7. Public outings are stressful because you don’t know what will happen next.

8. You feel guilty when you wonder if it’s better to have an absent parent or a mentally ill parent.

9. You feel guilty when you wish for a physical disability because it seems easier.

10. Even when you’re with your parent, you still feel so alone.


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Irish,

I am so sorry that she's still at it and can't get it. As for her lawyer, well, all he sees is dollar signs and even though he knows the law, he is going to do to what his client requests of him/her. He/she may have advised her to drop her silly nonsense, but your xw may have persisted. Your lawyer should be able to nip all of this in the bud with the recent letters.

Your daughters are old enough to know what they want and they are no longer 5 years old. She can't accept that they are just about grown and do not want to be involved in her drama. Some day, they will forgive her for her nonsenses, but it will be a long time coming. As for your xw, I pray that she gets professional help to help her navigate the muddy waters that she has created.


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Irish -

Who knows if your XW means any of the stuff coming through her L.

Maybe she needs to create drama, some new emotional chaos to keep the focus off of themselves - and to feel alive.

Maybe she needs to feel in control, and in her mind this is a power stab against you.

Maybe she really wants to know how D16 is doing. Maybe she's genuinely concerned. If that were the case, wouldn't it be best to call or email you? She's gotta do the work. Does she think lawyers are going to freaking enable any kind of desired contact between her and her daughters?

I also think it's 50/50 that she actually got married. I wouldn't mention that she remarried, unless your girls ask for new information about her. It could be something said to her L just for effect.

Great job, as always, Irish. Keep it going!


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Hi Irish, just to offer my pennies worth , EXW has to be struggling with the loss of her family.amd D's ( though who knows how much) . Is she ill or is it MLC or is it who she has become ? It doesnt really matter , you are dealing with your life , your Ds growing in to adults and having to deal with so much more than an ' average ' teen ( obviously there is no average ) and through it all you are being a great parent. The letters from her L are nonsense and I'm glad your having them stopped. It's unfortunate but i would concour with other posters that there is a method to her madness but it's not even worth wasting thought on imho.

I was chatting with a lady recently and we were discussing single parenthood. Her father left when she was 4 months and was always a weekend dad. I mentioned how my father left when i was 11 and she was so upset for me because she always considered herself to have 4 parents , her biological mum and dad and her step mum and dad. She really made me think because while we all might share an experiance , we all experiance it very differently. Your Ds have their own thoughts and feelings on what's going on and gone on in their lives.. I sense you aren't terribly comfortable with all the praise you ( deservedly ) get on here but as someone in your position re the mother leaving i have an idea of the emotions, etc from your D's that you are dealing with and i applaud you for keeping them to the forefront but also living your own life too. It's a delicate balance but again you manage it in a way that deserves admoration and your a guide for alot of us on here.

Keep on being the rock for the young ladies, take care , Rd

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My guess is that she got a rush from the contact when you first responded to the lawyer so she is enjoying the subsequent letters. Unless Canadian legal practice is substantially different from the US, I doubt that there is any case there. Of course I would also be surprised if you would have grounds for a restraining order against her.

In addition to your daughter's age, didn't she walk away from any custody/visitation years ago. In my jurisdiction, you commit neglect by failing to meet basic parenting functions. My counsel has advised I have no obligation to inform my spouse of any matters concerning our minor child as a result.

Sadly I think it is another situation where the only response is absolute silence. She is obviously getting supply from this little dance. Legally it sounds like she has no grounds. I would stop spending the money on the lawyer and just trash the stuff she is sending.

Two more years of drama for you I guess. Sorry, I had hopes a while back that she was starting to come around.

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HI guys, a big thanks for all your support. Doctor said that hasn't changed in size and since D16 hasn't had any symptoms it looks good. We should get a call from a 2nd doctors office for final tests. This should be in the next 3 months. Movement tests and stress test just to see how things go. Since the majority of symptoms were when she was doing very physical activities

on the XW side , I saw my lawyer and a nice closure letter from him to XW and her lawyer was sent. I'll fill in those details below.

Gordie, thanks man, you are an amazing dad too. We are all parents doing the best we can for our kids.

DnJ, I think about your story often when I come here. I don't post much anymore on other posts but I will update my sitch as things progress , Good or bad. I hope one day I will post something good and positive about XW and the girls, that their mom came to her senses and connected with them in a healthy way.

I think her persistence is that she is finding it hard. The girls birthdays and such important ages 16 and 18. I'm sure she is not handling things well and this is her way to voice out. Too bad its still her entitlement and not her compassion for what she did to them. D16 still repeats what her mom said.. " I'm not your mom anymore , it's my time now" and walked out.
Hard thing to forget.

by the way your quote - I may give up, but not today. I love it.

Hi Gerda

I completely understand what you are saying . Never in a million years would I keep the girls away from healthy mom. I tell the girls often that they will connect with their mom one day. Will it be now, not a chance because the girls know she is not the same loving person that she once was. They won't accept or settle for this broken version who has nothing to offer them except a drunk as a husband, parties and anger if they question it. What parent in their right mind would encourage their kids to be in contact with that kind of person. Not me

Forgiveness to me and my girls comes with the person that did wrong accepting what they had did wrong and did something to correct it. Why would the girls forgive her if she continues to do it. I didn't raise the girls and neither did my XW to accept it for what it is. It's not hatred they have for her, it's indifference and wanting nothing to do with her. Them telling her to leave them alone and they will reach out is the right thing to do. D18 comments about removing her mom from her birth certificate is a teen venting out . It won't happen , i won't allow it and she doesn't push to have it done. It's all words.

Understanding mental illness they do. They know she is not well. We openly talk about it.

thanks for your 10 items on mental illness. Made me remember some moments that i thought I forgot about.
Also most of these don't apply. I believe these reflect someone who is bipolar that shuffles between normalcy and manic behavior

In the girls case number 3 stood out . They will never get in a car with her again. After the drive she gave them and slamming on the brakes so my D16 who was 12 at the time could have her face smash in to the back seat. . And D18 who was 15 , was nearly pushed down the stairs and slapped in the face because she questioned her moms new hickey on her neck from OM1 a week after moving out.

Hi Job
thanks for your continued support, since day 1. Yes her lawyers is cashing in, it's sad but her own mess to handle.

Hi Brubeck

I believe you are right about the drama. She is on a high as per her neighbor. Telling the world how happy she is , her marriage to OM2. Never one word about her kids.

As for contacting the girls directly. No clue why she doesn't . They do read her messages. They talk, then they decide together what to do or if they reply. She has their emails. Which I could of changed because they came with our service provider. I opted to stay with the current one even thought it is more expensive so email addresses don't change. That small window is there for them. Too bad her messages have been poorly received but the girls see through the entitlement and non loving mom that she is . One day she will get it.


Hi Rd

always a huge thanks to you. RD500 is a nick that will always be part of the positive side of this MLC.
I agree. she is wasting time and energy. I respect the girls choices and them seeing that they have a choice to stop the damaging affects is good. My lawyer is shutting this down before it gets even messier. Hopefully XW will take it as a wake up, That she cant manipulate me or them. Learn from it after it spins in her head.

Hi OneArt

tried to find your story. Hope you post it one day. I'm sure it can help someone here living the same thing. You seem strong and been through a lot.

You are correct on the no grounds.. this brings me to my Lawyers letter to XW and her lawyer

My lawyer decided to do this no charge. He was disgusted by the letters he read from XW lawyer. The manipulative way , trying to scare me and not respecting D16 wishes at all.

A few of the main points in my Lawyers letter were clear and to the point.

that the method in which XW lawyer wrote to me was manipulative , ill-founded, and demonstrated a threatening, abusive and damaging position which has no merit.

That it must now cease and desist immediately, in default of which, moral damages shall be ultimately claimed for the harassing, threatening, abusive and destructive methods utilized by the lawyers client (XW) against the interests of myself , and more specifically, against D16’s interests.

He asked her to clarify the scenario with her client( XW) so as to avoid future unnecessary litigation,


I think XW lawyer stepped out of bounds with her tactics. I'm not one to sit back and let entitlement and narcissistic Xw have her way. I won;t be bullied by a lawyer who clearly fell for XW victim story and had not seen or asked about any facts. I know it's not DB'ing. I am well past that.

I feel good about the lawyers letter. It will surely give XW something to think about. Hopefully it can fuel some change in her ways . We still pray for her. Just want a healthy her

take care. sorry for he long read.


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BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
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Great news about daughter!


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Glad doctors news was good.

Your L doing a freebie was a nice gesture and goes to show that there are some decent ones out there.

I hope that I am wrong but I have the impression that ex is a little too stirred up to accept your lawyer's reply.

As for forgiveness, it is a huge topic. But I think it is possible to forgive her especially if ye all agree she wasn't/isn'tin her right mind. Many texts have been written outlining that forgiveness benefits mostly the forgiver.

Best wishes as always


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Good news about D16 - I'm so happy for all of you!

Your lawyer is a good person - he knows you've been thru the wringer. Hope this volley is the last.

take care


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
Joined: Jan 2000
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job Offline
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I am very happy to read the good news about your daughter's health.

As for your lawyer, he's a good one for sure. As for the xw, no matter how many times she is told, she will continue to do whatever she wants. She may even change lawyers and continue the cycle...but I hope not.

I do hope that you and the girls can enjoy the rest of the summer.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Joined: Oct 2010
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Glad you have a good honest lawyer.....that is not a shark and only wants money......







Joined: Aug 2015
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M51
XW43 (38 at bd)
BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
moved out Aug 2 2015
left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20)
Her divorce Final July 26 2016
Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
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