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I guess you were meant to know

I think when we see the MLCer has crossed over into a addict
lifestyle, It makes it easier to understand their actions
IN alanon, alcoholics are classified as having a true disease-


Always sad for the addicted person and families as it is a lifestyle that is extremely difficult to recover from

Probably a good idea to tell Amanda you have no need to know-
as you did

Hope you have good day!


married 14 years
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really sad sitch she's created for herself.
i'm glad the girls are clear on the reality of the situation, such as it is.
i think it was wise to tell Amanda you didn't need "progress reports"

Glad you had a great Easter, Irish.

I wonder why she felt the need to underscore that you knew she was in a new town. She must obviously be aware of Amanda's connection. Eew. just Eew. I wouldn't want to socialize in that neighborhood.

who knew toothless was the new favored look to attract the errant MLC wife?

Just keep doing you.

xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Hi Peace, Yes I guess it was meant to be this knowledge. I'll stay clear of it for sure. It offers me no comfort and only my empathy for this woman is left. I hope one day she gets well and does whats needed for her girls. Until then, I'll continue as I am . Living

Hi Bttrfly
toothless yes. It boggles the mind. I know myself, i would meet a woman in a bar or date site , If i saw she was a substance abuser and toothless.. I know it would end there.. I wish her luck

Well to my surprise SIL changed her views.

She messages me.

Irish, it going to be 3 years soon. Don't you think it has been long enough? You both need to get together and do what's best for the girls. It is them who is suffering and will have repercussions because of the adult fight. Your XW is no longer with OM1. She is getting her life back on track. Said she left OM1 for this new guy who is stable. Nice guy. Be the good person and make this happen. You should also reach out to my mom. Take care Irish and tell the girls my door is always open.

you can say after hearing that, it made me laugh and choke at the same time. Disgusted feeling after processing it.

This is from SIL who is also D17 godmother. No Xmas or birthday wishes. Is she mad? She has not once reached out and in the early stages of XW MLC. She is the one that confirmed to me that her mom did the same thing and that herself had a short episode with it. That the girls being with me is the best thing and she is so happy that this is the case . She met XW's first OM and said keep the girls away from that guy.

Now telling me to push them to see their mom. No thanks. Telling me to connect with MIL. lol .. what??

I responded.

I'm sorry SIL. I won't reach out to your mother. She made her bed, let her lay in it. She has offered zero support to the girls over these last 2.7 years. So I have nothing to offer her. This is about the girls remember.

Now your sister chose another man over them once again, she could of got herself together and use that energy on them. She chose not to. She hasn't reached out to them since last September and it was a hurtful message that made no sense.

As for yourself, you are D17 god mother. We all know where you stand in that department.

Lets say our goodbyes now and end this conversion here. I will not let it go any further. EX is in your and XMIL hands. Support her or help her or let her be. Not my job or concern any more. My job is making sure the girls are loved and safe.


no reply. I truly hope that is the last of that bull poop. Crazy.

The next day. D17 sends me an email she got from XW. Its an invite on LinkedIn. To both girls. D17 asks " whats this again?"

I explain and D17 says.. "what am I 35 lol, another old person app like Facebook."

So we are still moving forward and I'm even more detached than I thought.

like the Johnny Cash song - I don't hurt anymore. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78c2ZNjfj_Y

Hope you are all enjoying the spring. Here its cold and fresh snow on the ground. No plans to open the pool anytime soon.


M51
XW43 (38 at bd)
BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
moved out Aug 2 2015
left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20)
Her divorce Final July 26 2016
Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
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Irish,

I am so very sorry that your SIL reached out and stated what she did. Sounds like your XW has been talking to her and giving her a sob story. She's a fool to even think that you would work "magic" to join in w/the XW to bring all together.

Sounds like the XW is trying every avenue to get to the girls. Well, she needs to step up and straighten herself out before attempting to see them. The girls will see right through her. Such a sad situation.

I think you did the right thing by setting her straight on how you feel about the situation. I do not think this will be the last time you hear from any of them. They'll try again...but they have to regroup once again.

I do hope that you and the girls have a pleasant weekend.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Ok I checked ... not a full moon, so what’s with all the crazy???

My first thought is that we don’t know what BS line eew has given exsil
My next thought is, it doesn’t matter. She should have stepped upstairs for the girls.

She didn’t and it’s her loss.

Xoxoxoxo hugs


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Stepped up.. not upstairs
Sorry typing on a tiny screen as I wait In the car for my mom to finish her errands


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Hi Irish, i think you nailed it on the head with SIL, she is being fed BS by EXW and is reacting.to it. Once again you handled the situation well.

Very tough for your Ds but they have their options to contact exw or not.

Carry on been their rock.

Take care , RD

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Wow, what a piece of work those women are. So sorry you had to even engage minimally with their garbage. You're an awesome dad with two very cool sounding smart and savvy girls.

I'm trying to be the best dad I can be as the kids mom is mostly absent these days.


Me: 43 She: 43
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Originally Posted By: job


Sounds like the XW is trying every avenue to get to the girls. Well, she needs to step up and straighten herself out before attempting to see them. The girls will see right through her. Such a sad situation.



Hi Job
Its funny she tried this LinkedIn invite the first year gone when with OM1. Just after I spoke to SIL. I remember it well because it surprised me then too the Linkedin invite and that she just didn't create another fake Facebook and message them directly. Their privacy is set high but its open for anyone to message them. Easiest path I guess is the hardest.

Originally Posted By: bttrfly


My first thought is that we don’t know what BS line eew has given exsil
My next thought is, it doesn’t matter. She should have stepped upstairs for the girls.



I would love to hear that BS story. lol I've never got a reason for her to leave me. When MIL Bf came over in 2015. I showed him facts and he still said, Irish there is 2 sides to the story. I said then what I said to SIL this week. Ok tell me. I'd love to know. And is it that bad that she has to abandoned the kids too. Ok leave me , but them.. She a mom would have saved them if I am such a horrible person.

I know they are family (EX, SIL, MIL) . So for those reading. That bond will protect and ignore all facts about irrational behaviors so they don't upset your MLC'r. So never try to talk to any of them and show them facts. They will always chose family. Even if they know it is wrong.

Originally Posted By: rd500

Very tough for your Ds but they have their options to contact exw or not.


Hey RD. Yes , the girls have at least 4 ways of contacting their mom. I have always said they should in the beginning when they doubted them selves and blamed themselves for their mom going bat Sheet crazy. But now I don't anymore. They know more about he truth and new memories come out on the last few months of her living here. I was so blind.

D17 is taking psychology courses at college and they have discussed Mid Life a few times.

Most of it is healthy Mid Life. The Mid Life transition of hitting a certain age and saying. I want to go back to school at 45 and learn a new career or skill. They don't talk about the crisis part.

Originally Posted By: JaseP

I'm trying to be the best dad I can be as the kids mom is mostly absent these days.


Hi JaseP
Catching up with your sitch. Your goal right now is just that. Be the best dad you can be. Not a Disney dad, but a loving, strong, caring and teacher Dad. Also, add yourself in there. Take care of you and be the best you that JaseP can be.


hope your Sundays are MLC free.

Irish


M51
XW43 (38 at bd)
BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
moved out Aug 2 2015
left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20)
Her divorce Final July 26 2016
Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
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Hi Irish

I know what you mean about wanting to hear her side. I am right there with you. I don’t think we are ever going to get our answers. Must be something pretty big going on in their heads to be able to justify leaving their children.

I am hoping for good news for you and D15 next week. Take care.


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
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