Letting go for my own inner peace

[Gordie]

Oh Irish,

That is wack. Instead of bbq, how about a little ding dong ditch or toilet papering their house? Just kidding. I have no idea what I’d do.

To tell the girls? I guess I would not. And if they find out later that you knew? Just say I didn’t think it was appropriate to share with you at the time. They know you have their best interest at heart and think they would accept that.

And OM2? I guess I’m not surprised. Seems so common around here. Sigh.

As butterfly says, just keep living your awesome life.

[kml]

I know it's hard to believe, but there ARE good aspects to this:

She's no longer with the original OM - whatever this new guy's deal is, he's not responsible for your marriage breaking down. I believe it's easier to live with the ex being with someone who was not involved in your marriage - I know it's way easier for me.

Two - you wouldn't want her back yet as she's still not close to being well - so thankfully she's found some other guy to help keep her afloat and she's not on the street.

Third - this guy may be "alcoholic loser" per the neighbor but you can hope that maybe he's a kind alcoholic loser.

[rd500]

Hi Irish , a couple of things spring to mind , firstly I wondered if the talk of ' couples ' counselling was offered between OM1 and OM2, not that is matters but just a thought. Secondly, i personally wouldn't tell the girls as your family has enough to think about with your Ds results coming up. It seems to be common on here that OM1 is replaced by OM2 and OM3 so i would think keeping quiet about the latest OM may be best.

Just my thoughts on that. 're the other lady trying to friend you on Facebook, i think you choose wisely, not a fan of the whole Facebook thing anyway but thats seems a bit suspicious.

As always , you have handled this situation well so far so be led by your own instincts.

Positive thoughts for the results in April.

Take care, RD.

[peacetoday]

Hi

wow-- what are the odds?

I personally do not tell my kids any news I hear about their absent dad

If one day, he becomes available to speak to them/see them
we can catch up on any details about him then

Since you never know how it all plays out, it could change in a few days, weeks or months

Just my 2 cents
but follow your gut-

Either way- The girls will adjust and accept as they ahve

[DnJ]

Hi Irish. I can see positive and negative on both side of the question - Do I tell them? IMO, I am leaning towards letting your daughters know.

The behaviour of your XW and the things she said are similar to what my W has done.

My W justified all the damage and heartache she caused “because he’s (OM) worth it”. That had to leave a mark on the kids. If W moved on from OM, to another OM or on her own, it would greatly lessen the validity of her “reasons” for breaking up the family and leaving her kids.

The fact that your XW has moved on from her soulmate illustrates her confusion and eliminates her “reasons” for breaking up her family. Yes, XW moved on to OM2, however her original fantasy collapsed like sand. I think knowing that would be beneficial to your daughters.

Maybe the question is not - Do I tell them? It’s - When do I tell them?

I am glad that you found out now and not at the spring bbq from a chance meeting.

You have done a wonderful job and I have no doubt that whatever you decide will be the right decision for your daughters.

[Irish M]

hi guys

Hope you all had a nice Easter.. We had an amazing one, weather was great. I got the girls and myself the Google home system. Each a mini for our rooms and a main home one for the family room. Such an amazing toy. I also got plenty of lights and plugs to control everything with speech. Yes, chocolate was also gifted. The bunny doesn't miss this house. Had the ester egg hunt as usual. D17 says its a tradition that can't be missed.

As for EX news. I'll be honest I struggled with it. Relieved that she is away from the toothless druggy but at the same time disappointed in her for not focusing on the girls instead of a new OM.

I know its expected. They jump from OM to OM in search of that magic to release them from their internal pain. Just a band-aid until either she wakes up or jumps to the next one because this one peeled off.

I also struggled with if I tell the girls or not. I did read all of your replies, Sotto, Job, bttrfly, Gordie, KML, RD, Peace and DnJ.

All great advise and support.

I'll try to respond to each comment within my post.

I did end up telling the girls this morning over waffles. D17 thanked me for telling her as she had been having nightmares that her mom was overdosing in a hospital somewhere because of OM1. D15 was happy toothless guy is gone. But was upset to hear she jumped to another without taking a break and reconnect with them.

So DnJ and KML , yes it relieve them in a way. They started to joke..but dad it is her soul mate.. omg. She was going to buy him teeth

Peace, I told them that exact thing. That their mother will make choices and even though OM1 is gone, OM2 may be short lived and back to OM1 or onto OM3.

RD, As for the other lady poking around about me.. I blocked her and revisited my privacy settings and locked my FB up tight. Even my youtube . I set so many videos to private.

Gordie, I hate knowing her exact address. It's not a town i go to often. More a drive through place when i go to the States. GF told me about seeing her friend that lives there this summer for 2 events. We will most likely pass.

Bttrfly, yes the world is a small place. Scary how small. GF hates that Ex is in her space. Right across the street from her friend who is practically her sister. Her friend promised not to let her talk about us and say crap. She will shut her down.

She moved into his house Job, he does small jobs around town for money. His house is a dump, run down. Economy is really bad in that area. The mill shut down years ago and no other industry picked up the slack. He is in the mid 40's but looks late 50's. Wears dirty clothes and never washes his hair.

EX was obsessed by the TV show Shameless when she hit BD. Long before BD she hated the show because of all the drugs, booze and trashy story. But a few weeks before BD, she would binge watch it. I really think she is living that life.

Hey Sotto, girls have decided not to contact her. They said and I quote.
If she thinks just because toothless is gone we will run to her its a no. She needs to live alone. Heal and get strong. work through this. Not drag us into a loser life just because she is our mom. She doesn't deserve the mom title. Mothers don't do this. Its wrong - D17

What a joke. She knew we wanted toothless gone. Why didn't she come to us. So she left because she didn't want to be a mom and not because she found her soul mate.. nice. just like her mother. D17 if you ever act like that I am hitting you over the head with a bat. D15

so the day goes on and I get this message from EX. Says to me that she hopes the girls contact her . Her number is in the paper where she works if they want to reach out.

I tell her. We don't get that paper but yes the girls are old enough to find you through the internet and your email is the same. I'm out of the loop on that one , sorry.

I know you know I am in new town.

Well its a small world. The girls know as well. Nothing to hide here. Sad you didn't take a break and fix you and the girls first.

No reply, so let her sit on that.


Oh the joys of MLC. Just when you think it was at its worst, it shows you more.

[mleigh4]

Hey Irish,

I am late to this and just got caught up. What are the odds!!

As always you handled things great. I figured you would talk about it with the girls, sounds like it went well. Your girls are so smart and balanced about the situation, because of you.

Keep up the great work. Geez I wish I had a dad like you. Abandonment is harsh, but your girls are living such a great example through you. I continue to hope your ex gets help and someday, I truly hope your girls get back their mom.

Take care and avoid that neighborhood!
M

[Gordie]

Irish,

You are such a great role model on how to parent and deal with these situations (never ending). I am so happy that your daughters have such an objective and detached view of what’s going on and continue living their own lives. You have taught them well.

[artista]

What a joke. She knew we wanted toothless gone. Why didn't she come to us. So she left because she didn't want to be a mom and not because she found her soul mate.. nice. just like her mother. D17 if you ever act like that I am hitting you over the head with a bat.

she didn't go to the girls because there was no break/time alone between OM1 and OM2... she started with OM2 before her relationship with OM1 was over... she left OM1 for OM2... had she not come across OM2, she would still be with OM1...

--artista

[Irish M]

HI artista

Yes, that ran through my thoughts as well.

If there’s a recipe to stay stuck or head towards a rock bottom XW is on the right path.

I got one last update from My XW neighbor.
I told her I don’t need to know these details and I’m sorry you need to deal with her if she comes over .

OM2 lost his liscence so he was telling his neighbor that he’s so happy he stumbled on XW to get him to the bars. Amanda ( the neighbor) says she hears them getting in late , both drunk , yelling at each other. She even looked outside and saw it was XW driving. Stumbling out of the car.

What a change from 3 years ago
From 1-2 beers a months to drunk every night wasted
From calling the cops on kids smoking up in the park to smoking up every day and offering the girls to buy it from her

One thing the OMs have in common. Missing front teeth. Did she hate I had all mine lol

Anyway . I told Amanda , I don’t need details as it doesn’t concern me.

Hopefully her family sees this and reacts