Still treading water

[JaseP]

Sjohn,

Sending lots of positive thoughts and encouragement your way buddy. May I ask if she articulated what prompted the D talk after you guys seemed to have turned a corner a few weeks ago?

This too has happened to me numerous times since December, but now I'm cautiously optimistic my W is out of her fog and is committed to making things right.

Like you, I think it's only natural that we have trouble keeping up the guard when they say the things we so want to believe...but self-preservation requires us to look out for ourselves first.

[sjohns6]

I think I am done standing. W is making the arrangements to move out and planning on telling the kids this weekend. I just dont think I want to make it work with her anymore after this. I am just not sure how I can love her and forgive her again after doing this to our family. Time will tell I suppose but pretty sure I'm done. Sad for the loss of my family unit but done standing for my marriage.

[Gordie]

SJohn

You know your situation best

And when you are done

When I felt the way you felt deep in my bones

I let go

And then she came back

Peace brother

No matter what happens

[JaseP]

[JaseP]

[JaseP]

Sending good energy your way Sjohn

Im so sorry shes done this to you and the kids

Hopefully shell come around eventually but if not have faith you will be happier without her toxic behavior hanging over you

Hugs to you buddy

J

[sjohns6]

Thank you guys. I feel like I have let go of her emotionally but the split will be tearing up the family and that is whats hard now. She wants split custody of the kids and she hasnt done anything bad enough to fight her on that. So now I get to see my kids less due to this mess. That is the part that grieves me now. I imagine she will want to come back at some point but I am not sure how much I will want that after doing this to our family. I know I will feel differently in time but thats how I feel now.

I really appreciate the support in this dark time.

[sjohns6]

Peace and hugs back at you guys. Wish I knew you guys IRL. The support I get here feels more real sometimes than the suppot I get from friends and family. They are biased towards me and I know it. Makes me not really want to dump my stuff on them. I know they are on my side and I know what they think.

[Gordie]

Sjohn

I know you do not want you to dump stuff on them

But that is what real friends are for

Do not hold back

You would do the same for them which is listen and support you

I know you would

There are some friends who have stopd by me in a way thst i never thought possible

But i had to open up to them for that to happen

[Gerda]

SJohn, I have not been following your sitch, but I just want to say that I have been where you are many times, that the disgust at their behavior gets so intense that you feel like even if they wanted to come back, you don't want them anymore. I have walked through that fire many times, but when I give it to God, He always reminds me that it's of course not possible for me to want him anymore, only God can make that possible for me when the time is right. I think that the secular version of that would be that true detachment means letting her go but keeping your heart in a place of forgiveness for the sake of your kids watching your example.

When my H even talks about taking my kids for one night, I feel like I am going to die of terror and horror. In my case, I would be concerned that he would not actually take care of them, certainly not emotionally. But I totally understand how you feel, the absurdity if having your kids ripped from you when it's not you who wants to dismantle anything. It feels so unfair and so violating. I keep standing but I totally understand what you are feeling; you are a loving father and they are lucky to have you! My H is in home but hasn't had a relationship with our kids or provided even an apple for them in 5 or 6 years. And he says it's my fault for that too. Your W doesn't know what she is doing or saying right now. A day will come when she will realize the damage she has done.