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Hey my friend...first of all..you are always in my prayers, but, I will say an extra one for the job interview.

Ok, so, let the guy go, G. I know you feel badly and lonely and all..but, it's time. You know why.Letting him think he may have a shot isnt the right thing. You gave it a go..heck, more than one go and it just isnt working, so..time to say bye for real.

Your ex is still an as$hat. People are who they are deep down.

Maybe for right now, you should just concentrate on the job front. And let everything else play out as it does.

Keep going, sweetie. All things are possible.

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Hi Ginger, good luck with the interview and I think that was good advice from Coconut on where to focus. I always say - look at the spec they give you and decide on your examples to show concrete experience and proven success in the areas they're looking for...

Keeping my fingers crossed for you smile


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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I have all my fingers crossed. Makes life slightly awkward.

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Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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best of luck darling Ginger ... you will rock it, i'm sure xoxoxo


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"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
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That this too, was a gift."
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I have been out of pocket but am catching up and am SO excited for your interview. Best of luck. Will be sending positive vibes your way!

Totally agree with (and literally laughed out loud at) what uR said about your XH is still an a$$hat. Just focus on you, D10 and your career and everything else will fall into place as it is supposed to.

You go, girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
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Thinking of you today and keeping my fingers crossed that you get the job.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thank you all! I've got a great cheering squad!!!! Great advice too. It's been 4 years since I have been on an interview, but I've been on quite a few. My biggest problem I stage fright. I am an outgoing person, but when it's me in front of others I don't know in the spotlight, I freak a little. But I got this job with everyone of my cowrkers interviewing me, so maybe I am not all that bad.

Because NJ is now Alaska, we have our 4th nor easter in two weeks. Our offices closed, so we are working from home. I had to reschedule my interview for Friday. So, a few more days of nerves to go, I hope I knock it out of the park. I NEED it. I found out some crappy things at work, and it looks like that Biotch is getting the manager job. I just can't deal. everyone is looking to get out now, our morale is in the dumps. This job I am interviewing for I know I have a lot to contribute too and I am excited to do the work. My IC seems to think that a new job is exactly what I need will change almost every area of my life. I sure hope so.

UR- I know he's go to go. And he will. I don't want to give him false hope and I don't want to wait to see if things change. I just want to get through this weekend with my girls and then I'll take care of it.

Which brings me to an observation I would like to have some discussion on. Being here for 10 years.,..... I have come to notice something. There are so many newcomers who fight tooth and nail, refuse to let their WAS go, then they disappear from here for a few months and come back to say they are in this new place and over their ex...... AND THEY HAVE MET SOMEONE. All of a sudden this new person in their life has gotten them from one extreme to another in terms of where they were emotionally with their spouse.

IRL, I have known very few people who can't get over someone without getting under someone else. I had dated, nothing serious, but it didn't work for me. Maybe if I would have met Mr. Right right away I would have just been over my ex like that? I also still hold onto love for 2 of my past R's. There will always be a level of feelings for these people. Will they go away when the love of my life comes along? I don't know.

But is the way some people can only truly move on is by moving on to someone else? This site preaches not to do that, but many, many do. Just some food for thought. It's amazing how within months, these very attached people become very unattached because they found someone else. Is this really all that bad?

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Originally Posted By: Ginger1
But is the way some people can only truly move on is by moving on to someone else?


Ginger,

I'm sure it helps an LBS to move on if they have someone else, but I think jumping back into another relationship right after divorce is a recipe for repeating the same mistakes. I'd rather die happy and single than to go through another broken marriage.

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I totally agree with doodler. I would rather die happy and single than go through another divorce. It was brutal. I often wonder the same thing you do...do people move on by moving to someone else. For me, that wasn't possible. I was so completely devastated by my divorce that I had NO desire to date or have intimacy on any level with anyone for almost a year after my divorce. I spent that time working on myself, going to counseling, improving my life, letting go of what had been or what might have been. Even now, I'm 3 1/2 years out from the day our D was final and while I have enjoyed dating, I'm STILL not ready to go to that "I'm in love" place. Not because I never want that again, but because I'm going to be incredibly guarded and selective about who I choose to go to that place with me....if that makes any sense at all.

On another note, sorry the weather forced a reschedule of your interview, but just try not to overthink things too much. You are going to do GREAT!


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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Originally Posted By: Ginger1
But is the way some people can only truly move on is by moving on to someone else?
This site preaches not to do that, but many, many do. Just some food for thought.
It's amazing how within months, these very attached people become very unattached because they found someone else.
Is this really all that bad?

I think that most advice I have heard was to wait at least one month for every year you were in a marriage.
Personally I was married 28 years so waiting 3 years seemed reasonable.
And that was after I was divorced.
My bomb drop was three years before that.
SO my point is healing and becoming whole is quite important to not repeat the same mistakes over and over.
I think we should all be concerned about doing that.
Second marriages have an even worse rate of success than first marriages.
So I certainly was concerned about this.

I still feel confidant you will find someone that will be a great match.


Me-70, D37,S36
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