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A Message from Michele
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#2781494 - 03/12/18 10:19 AM Re: What am I supposed to do now? [Re: artista]
Kyh Offline
Member

Registered: 12/08/15
Posts: 442
Hi DnJ,

My 2c but I wouldnít say much. I would just say they are doing fine and suggest she contact them. If she really wants to know how they are she can put forth the effort to find out for herself.

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#2781512 - 03/12/18 11:48 AM Re: What am I supposed to do now? [Re: artista]
peacetoday Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/07
Posts: 3230
DNJ

I so understand where you are coming from
In the early days after bomb, I would have done /tried anything
to get XH to turn around
sometimes we have to try different strategies to see if anything will work


I believe if it is true MLC..nothing will bring her out of it

This is in her time and usually a long time

Usually whatever helps us detach is the right choice
read on detachment, listen to u tube/tapes on letting go-

If you text her and she responds, we tend to get hopes up, only to realize they are planted where they are and headed in that direction--- away from us

I know it is difficult

Do what feels right to you-
There are No mistakes
They have stuff to learn
We also have lessons to learn too-

Do what feels best for everyone concerned especially for you
and the kids

So do what you want...then let go
We don't really have the control anyway-
_________________________
married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow

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#2781521 - 03/12/18 01:31 PM Re: What am I supposed to do now? [Re: artista]
DnJ Online
Member

Registered: 01/20/18
Posts: 317
Hello artista

I agree, my wifeís exit was so dramatic, so provocative, like a scene from a movie or one of her romance books ... holy moly so scripted! OMG! Thank you artista!

It just clicked when responding to your post about a scene from a movie. I mean I knew that she had played out her speech and leaving in her mind and she had said she wanted everyone present, but I didnít get it. If that makes any sense. That evening was so unbelievable.

Thank you for your viewpoint. Your summary of my current situation is spot on, and my feelings run similar. I just have to figure out what to do, what I believe is best or right. It is why I am seeking objective viewpoints.

If I may wander a bit. Feelings can change (quickly sometimes). Thoughts will change to justify feelings. But beliefs take a long time to change. I am trying to follow what I believe. To respond and not react. However, I am finding it difficult, my belief system is still getting put back together. After BD I was shattered, the one person I absolutely trusted, and I mean absolutely in the fullest sense of the word, destroyed me and said things that got right into my core. It is so very hard to remove the poison.

By the way, I appreciate you sharing your story and insights. I have read your thread and will be following you. smile

I hope you drop by again.
_________________________
At BD
Me49, W46, S20, S19, S16, D15
M-26, T-29
Oct 8 2017 - Bomb Drop, Moved in w/OM, & Left Kids
Dec 9 2017 - Legal Separation
Currently
Me50, W47, S21, S19, S17, D16

I may give up, but not today.

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#2781527 - 03/12/18 02:34 PM Re: What am I supposed to do now? [Re: DnJ]
DnJ Online
Member

Registered: 01/20/18
Posts: 317
Peace, what you said. Thanks.

For W, I am trying to keep the peace and believe in her.

There is not much else I can do.

She is a different person and I do hope she can return. However, if not, I will still need to be able to interact with her for the rest of our lives - Birthdays, weddings, grand children, etc... We are forever entangled to some extent.

Today I still have hope.
_________________________
At BD
Me49, W46, S20, S19, S16, D15
M-26, T-29
Oct 8 2017 - Bomb Drop, Moved in w/OM, & Left Kids
Dec 9 2017 - Legal Separation
Currently
Me50, W47, S21, S19, S17, D16

I may give up, but not today.

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#2781554 - 03/13/18 12:15 AM Re: What am I supposed to do now? [Re: DnJ]
Gordie Online
Member

Registered: 11/30/16
Posts: 2071
Loc: USA
DNJ,

You are a strong and compassionate man. After all she has done. You are an inspiration.
_________________________
At BD:
Me 40s, W 40s, M20+, lots of kids
2016 BD - W doesn't want to be married/EA with OM1
2017 - W files but wonít sign/PA with OM2
2018 - W drops OM2 and D complaint

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#2781584 - 03/13/18 02:13 AM Re: What am I supposed to do now? [Re: Gordie]
SBJ Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/16
Posts: 767
Loc: Texas
DNJ, your last two posts are similar to most of us here.

1. It seems that their Utopian ideas have come from all of their romance novels and movies. The idea that that crap is based on real life is hilarious. How could someone in their right mind believe that that $#!@ is real.

2. You are right in saying that we are forever intertwined with them whether they find their way back to reality or stay in the land of batchitcrazy.

Remember that this is a marathon...not a sprint, and as much as I hate saying it...you are still in the first mile or so.

Stay strong my brother and keep your faith. The smallest amount of faith can move mountains.
_________________________
Me 46 W43
T25 M22
S19 D14 S10
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!

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#2781597 - 03/13/18 03:37 AM Re: What am I supposed to do now? [Re: DnJ]
AndrewP Offline
Member

Registered: 04/23/16
Posts: 1631
Loc: Canada
Originally Posted By: DnJ
It just clicked when responding to your post about a scene from a movie. I mean I knew that she had played out her speech and leaving in her mind and she had said she wanted everyone present, but I didnít get it. If that makes any sense. That evening was so unbelievable.
Perhaps this is too far out to left field, but when Alexander the Great went to conquer Persia he burned his boats upon arrival to ensure that there was no possibility of retreat. It's been a common tactic of commanders to ensure that troops know that the only way out of a situation is forward.

On several occasions your W's actions have mirrored this. My own always seemed to ensure that she had a path to retreat on.
_________________________
On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells

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#2781673 - 03/13/18 03:00 PM Re: What am I supposed to do now? [Re: AndrewP]
DnJ Online
Member

Registered: 01/20/18
Posts: 317
Kyh - yeah I didnít say much. I am sure she wouldnít want to hear the truth.

Gordie - thanks. Right back at you man.

SBJ - a marathon and only on the first mile. Maybe itís a half marathon, no better go for the full one donít want a half baked W. smile

Andrew - she sure is burning bridges as she goes. I donít think that ďretreatĒ is even a thought for the MLCer. So sure of themselves, until their not. Well, I am a pretty good woodworker, and bridges can be rebuilt - if I am still around. I used bridges instead of boats, I donít know how to build boats. Youíre the boat builder. smile
_________________________
At BD
Me49, W46, S20, S19, S16, D15
M-26, T-29
Oct 8 2017 - Bomb Drop, Moved in w/OM, & Left Kids
Dec 9 2017 - Legal Separation
Currently
Me50, W47, S21, S19, S17, D16

I may give up, but not today.

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#2781872 - 03/15/18 01:30 PM Re: What am I supposed to do now? [Re: DnJ]
DnJ Online
Member

Registered: 01/20/18
Posts: 317
_________________________
At BD
Me49, W46, S20, S19, S16, D15
M-26, T-29
Oct 8 2017 - Bomb Drop, Moved in w/OM, & Left Kids
Dec 9 2017 - Legal Separation
Currently
Me50, W47, S21, S19, S17, D16

I may give up, but not today.

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