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Wow, KML, that was my exact reaction! Right or wrong, I'll admit and own it. Now I don't know you from adam but... really... is this just a coincidence? I mean, if someone like's tall blondes, while, yeah, it's a type, there are a whole lot of tall blondes out there. But let's just be honest, most people don't date a different race. Again, right or wrong, it's just the truth. So that set's you apart right there. While it's more common these days, shaved heads are still not as common as blonde women. The names, ah, that's just coincidence. But the others - um, girl, you clearly have a type or at least an attraction to black men with shaved heads. That's just what I see.

Now Coconut, dude... LOL Volunteer firefighters? You're killing me - as yes I was one for nearly 25 years. I loved being a paramedic - not so much a firefighter. Just a whole lot of grunt work. Thing is for every paid FF in the country there are about 7 or 8 volunteers. Thing is, it really, really is as much about social interaction than anything. It really does become a family - both paid and volunteer. Men outnumber women by at least 5:1 and often more. She's going to have guys hitting on her. She just is. But that could be true of all sorts of things she may do.

Thing is, it's just a date. Don't make more out of it than it is. For me, "grinding on me" (your words), fishing for a sleep over, hmmmmmm, sounds like a fun girl, but not wife material. And what-do-ya-know - you are looking for some fun, not a wife. Just take her out. Don't make a bigger deal out if it than needed. Firefighters have been some of my best friends. Some have been my worst friends. It's like everyday life - it's not what they do that matters, it's who they are.


DonH
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DonH - seems like all back men over 40 have shaved heads (it's like someone sent out a memo or something) so that part is the least unusual.

In my 20's I dated mostly white men but did have a serious relationship with a black man. That relationship was about our shared love of science, not race. I also dated a very tall biracial grad student in my 20's (the one that got away - still have a crush on him but he's happily married for years to the tall blonde Christie Brinkley rocket scientist he dated after me. He'll win the Nobel prize one day). Since my divorce, I do seem to have been attracted to very tall men (likely because my first boyfriend after the divorce was white, 6'6" and sexy as all getout).

When I was dating Marcus (who is also 6'6") I was really into him but he's a love avoidant guy who doesn't "do" relationships and at the time I thought I was really ready for a more serious relationship, so I moved on pretty quickly. Perhaps I initially clicked on Mark's profile because he reminded me a bit of Marcus.

Now I'm really NOT interested in a long term relationship, at least not at present, so I'm seeing Marcus again occasionally, knowing he won't want anything more from me and I can put my focus on my adult kids who need me most now.

I will say, one pleasant thing about dating black men at this age is that they generally appreciate my curves more than my (white, 5'10") ex-husband ever did. smile Still I'm more interested in the person than the superficial looks. I once had a mad crush on my 5'3" sailing instructor who was also a physicist. Marcus is really into music and film and great company to watch those things with. Mark was less of an intellectual but very intuitive, attentive and caring (except, as it turns out, for the whole secret life he was hiding from me, lol.)

I don't know where you live that interracial dating seems so unusual. Here in California it's not that big a deal anymore (although it WAS in the 1970's when I dated a black man - we didn't get openly harassed at home but once on a trip to Washington D.C. some rednecks yelled at us on the street). Still I told Mark I wouldn't travel to New Orleans with him - he's from L.A. and has never traveled in the south, he has no idea what it is like and would have gotten in trouble for sure if someone hassled us.

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H2, H3 and potential date may have the same name but they all look very different. The name does begin with M too......

Only the G looks like a dirt bag though.

Coconut it does sound like triggering and that's important. Don't underestimate the low levels of stimuli at which triggering can occur. Walk to the pain, discover FFS are all different as Ginger says.

PTSD comes in many strengths too..


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Well V, if they all have the same name you won't accidentally call them by the wrong one in a moment of passion!

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Hmm, interesting that this took a turn into interracial dating, because I didn't mention it but she is a black woman, and I am white... I've been attracted to two black woman in the past that I would of gladly dated, but they were both one sided, my side frown

Anyway, date was fine, I was at ease and conversation was, um, ok. At times I felt like I was playing 20 questions, cause she was throwing them out there, from "what type of house cleaner are you" (as in clean only before guests or keep it up), to favorite movies to favorite places I've traveled. I thought it was a bit much, kinda minimizes actual conversation, but I'm just getting my feet wet again so I'll go along and see what works. In the end, I found her very sexually attractive, but not much else. I don't plan on reaching out to her for a second, but if circumstances happen to us spending a night together in the future, I'd be good with it now.

As for the interracial aspect, some of the different perspectives I found kinda uncomfortable. I can see how a black person would see things diffently, but at one point she talked about leaving two churches, one because they displayed a "white" Jesus and the other because the tithe envelopes only pictured caucasian people.

I am not racist, or at least I don't think less of anyone other than my race, but I realized that I don't see the world the same. Jesus was a person, he was skin, bones and blood, and the depictions of him are Caucasian, I never questioned that, I never wondered why he wasn't black, yellow, or any thing else, and I'm not sure that I want to start questioning why Santa is also white, why Easter is symbolized as a bunny and not a cat, or why anything else just is.

Frankley, I don't know that I have it in me to start looking at everything differently, I'll welcome anyone and everyone into my circle and life, but I don't think I'm at a point that I want to change the way I see the world. Maybe that makes me racist, I don't know.


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I have been waiting to hear about your date......

So you got your first real date out of the way! It wasn't perfect, but there certainly is a relief when you realize you can be sexually attracted to someone else.

As to the race topic..... Cultures generally stick to their cultures because they have a certain set of beliefs or traditions they are raised with. Much like it is important of certain faiths to marry the same faith. I don't think it is racist.

I have a Filipino friend who has been in this country most of her life, but she was raised with traditional cultural practices of Filipinos. She said she could not have imagined not marrying a Filipino. They have a particular understanding of their family values, like the same food, practice religion similarly, ect. And she loves having grown up that way.

I have always been a white girl who grew up in a predominantly white town who also has no religion. (I was not raised with any formal religion, nor was I baptized). I am physically attracted to white guys. Why? I don't know. I could probably emotionally grow attached to those who share the same values as me, whatever color or religion they are. But sometimes, people of other cultures or religions live their lives differently and that's not what is comfortable for you.

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I am generally attracted to Liam.

And not attracted to men that look like the G.

That's about it, I have a target attraction market of one or all men minus one. Depending on whether the cup is half full or empty.

That's looks but lovely warm loving hearts are always special to be with. Never thought about whether men of colour would be in a dating pool for me, no one other than Caucasian or Asian has ever asked me out so I haven't faced that choice. I do have lots of female friends of different hues, and they all have lovely hearts. Bestie is non white and I guess I forget who is which colour as it doesn't matter.

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V 64, WAW


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Ummm, Coconut, you do know that Jesus was a swarthy middle eastern Jew, right?????

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Originally Posted By: kml
Ummm, Coconut, you do know that Jesus was a swarthy middle eastern Jew, right?????


I knew his mom was Jewish, but what about his dad?

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Originally Posted By: kml
Ummm, Coconut, you do know that Jesus was a swarthy middle eastern Jew, right?????


hmm, no I didn't, but I looked up "swarthy middle eastern jew" and saw some articles representing him as looking much different than the way I've seen Jesus depicted in the past. Interesting.

I was not raised in a religious family, and my personal exposure has been limited to a few years at a time during different stages of my life.

But I do get your point, based on the few minutes of reading that I did, it appears that "Caucasians" may have adjusted his look to look more like us. Interesting point.


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
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