Registered: 03/03/18 Posts: 33 My state does not have legal separation per attorney . If I file for bed and board divorce his employer does not have to cover me under medical insurance. While I am receiving medical treatment he is paying all the bills but also running up large credit card debt each month on I don’t know what because I haven’t seen statements since January when I asked initially. He is paying for cc balances now out if our savings.
I have only spoken too him 2 x since feb 13th and when he emails asking anything I am respectful but short and to the point. I know if I question this latest transfer of money and cc bill I will be met with anger and gas lighting as this is how it started in January. Thus the reason I am nor confronting or engaging anymore as I have enough going on with Troy g to get healthy again.
Don’t want a divorce, don’t want savings drained, need medical coverage right now, grateful he is paying the bills sooo what do I do? Say nothing or just have the attorney file for bed and board divorce and take my chance?
Last edited by job; 04/12/1806:08 AM. Reason: added space between paragraphs
You asked what you should do...only you can decide that. My concern is that he is racking up credit debt. Is the credit card in both names? If so, you may end up having to pay some of this debt once you are back on your feet, especially when the savings runs out.
I suggest that you think about taking out half of the savings and put it in a safe place before it is all gone. You are entitled to half of it. It's too late when it's gone and you can't get it back from him.
Just my two cents.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Okay question here. Just received a save the date for a October wedding addresses to both of us. Extended family is not aware of separation. So I just let it sit until a formal invitation arrives then approach H?
October is about 6 months away and anything can happen during that time. I wouldn't mention it until you have received a formal invitation. Do you want to attend the wedding? If so, when the invitation arrives, do the rsvp and if you don't want to attend, send your regrets. You aren't required to tell them why you aren't attending.
Just my two cents.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
appreciates the input. Right now I am really trying to focus on getting healthy and hope my back neuro surgeon finds a solution soon so I can return home and get back to my work. In the meantime I have lost 36 lbs since February 13 th some involuntary since I was so sick. I am also Focusing on faith and higher power also helps.
Only contact we have is via email and 99% of the time it's him initiating I keep I brief and respectful. Quick resolution is clear that it just won't solve things so definitely using this time as a gift to work on me and rediscover all I have to offer and sure up any of my short comings.
Wishing you all positive mindsets.
Last edited by job; 06/16/1801:00 AM. Reason: edited contractions due to glitch
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Ruhappy, I think you are doing great with your attempts to not engage him. It's so hard to take care of ourselves when we are sad. I lost so much weight too, when it all started. Do you exercise? If you can't exercise formally, Force yourself to start walking places you normally drive, or park farther away than usual. Take the stairs instead of elevators. Start taking a walk before or after every meal. Take on projects that require physical labor -- e.g., mow the lawn of an elderly neighbor, paint your house, clean out the attic. I found that being physical helped with depression and gave me more of an appetite. Since you mentioned faith, do you know about rejoice ministries? Subscribing to those e-mails and listening to the podcasts helped me a lot because it allows you to detach through trusting God instead of just trying to change your behavior.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Well after 3 months of no verbal contact H called. He sounded like he was just fishing to see what was going on with me. I answered his questions stayed positive thanked him for paying the bills, wished him a happy Father's Day and recommend a movie that I saw.
H wants to talk again after my back procedure as he doesn't want me taken off guard by paperwork so I said okay (most likely divorce paperwork and what he will offer for settlement) . He said he prefers a face to face. I said okay. He wouldn't say the words divorce and struggled like he felt guilty. So I am trying not to read into it but continue to pray he is well and happy and continuing to work on being the best person I can be.. I did bring up the save the date and october wedding for son in laws sister. He said it was very kind and something to think about.
Still getting use to treating him like a old friend any advise would be appreciated.
Last edited by job; 06/16/1805:44 AM. Reason: edited contractions due to glitch
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you Gerda, I try and get my 10,000 steps In daily and doing water aerobics for my shoulder. I will look into rejoice ministries thank you. I try and listen to positive podcast too.
I don't know if anything is the norm but I would say that that's a good thing. I don't know if other folks around here would agree, but to me as a die-hard stander, I welcome anything that indicates that we are husband and wife, since our actual life never does! I am glad when my H refers to himself as my H or me as his W even though it is by worldly standards unfair, hurtful, selfish, etc. I try to always be welcoming about such things but I know that on these boards folks would most likely advise you not to allow that stuff and to create a stronger boundary. On things like that that aren't hurting me directly, I prefer to please God than to try to set a boundary. At any rate, if I can't tell if I am doing something for my own healing or to teach H a "lesson," then I assume I am acting out of some kind of bitterness, which is the slavery I want to avoid, no matter what H does. If I can tell that a limit will allow me to have some healing, then I might limit more. But mostly for things like that I just ask God for help with my pride.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
