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The state in which I live does not recognize formal separations. So I need to discuss with attorney I guess on what I am allowed to do legally. I am truly sorry to hear of all the pain you are going through too. I guess I forgave too quickly and my trust was restored but then torn down again and maybe I was blinded by what I thought we had together. Life is so short so why fight or keep score so I tried to always explain my concerns and fears along with compliments and attitude of gratitude by it was either too much or too little. So now when I insist on getting finances legally separated I need to be strong via email by phone or text and say;
This is who I am without you, and even though I don’t want to be alone and even though I’d rather be with you, I will choose to be without you and I will get on with my life until you show me that you want a real marriage. all the while feeling like I am dying inside and hating the fact that $ is a necessity and must be kept separate from my heart. Trying to remember believe nothing what he says and 1/2 of what he does rule. Thank you all for your support. Will let you know how the legal conversation goes. Don’t know if I have to file a bed and board divorce since state doesn’t recognize legal separations and wondering now how to deal with in laws as I’ve known all them for 30+ years and love them all.

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I am trying to just keep the finance problem/ concerns in context and not blowout of proportion or ignore it. Thus separate finances appear the prudent option right now so I consulted a attorney regarding separation.
I was advised I am entitled to take 1/2 of Savings and also okay with me opening up Checking account to put any of future paychecks in. I would need check with H to find out about if legal separation agreement done if his employer will allow Hkeep me on insurance while separated . If divorced by Dec 2018 then alimony is taxable for me H he can deduct off his taxes. If he plans on establishing residency in Other stage Hcan file for divorce by June. Any and all debt incurred by either party while married both people are responsible for so the Cc bills he is charging is a mute point. The biggest protection by me filing a complaint for divorce is freezing of marital assets from the date filed so neither party can no longer take out of accounts. As for the house there is about 60,000 in equity so if either person wanted to keep One of us would owe 30,000 to other person or we could sell and split proceeds as for 401k and pension that would be divided equally. As for autos a fair division agreed upon.
The attorney advises the longer I wait to file the greater risk I have in losing finances and proving he spent money outside of marriage that was above reasonable. I have not spoken to H in person or by phone since 2/13 so I thought I send a email stating I know you said it was okay with you if we talked via phone just wondering what your intentions are for the future of our relationship. If your not 100% sure would you want to share your thoughts with me? I do care and I am here to listen. As I am not sure if I am to still not engage. Heart and financial logic are too much to handle and fearful of doing the wrong thing. Any advise?

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ruhappy Offline OP
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a email response from H that simply said taxes fed exes tueday accountant should get Thursday copy of picture attached.

It’s almost like he just wants me to file D so he doesn’t look like the bad guy.

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ruhappy Offline OP
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Has anyone ever said to the mlc or wa spouse choose me or lose me I am not a back up plan and definitely not a 2nd option?

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Yes, always we are not back up plan W/H they will do temperature check when my W seen me pull away she would rub my hand or arm one time she went grocery shopping and showed me everything she got this was like a month or two after leaving it was mind blowing. Now after 10months is the same story my W has a pattern W is gas lighting if not me is one of my kids or she sometimes super nice it makes me wonder what she wants or what is W up to.

Ruhappy please protect your finances no matter what your H says or do they always lie protect you. A yr from now you will see why you had too I was the same way with W all I wanted was for us to be a family and W is just thinking about herself W rack up CC. Take care of you right now your H is gone.


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OW June,2017
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Originally Posted By: ruhappy
Has anyone ever said to the mlc or wa spouse choose me or lose me I am not a back up plan and definitely not a 2nd option?

ruhappy, if you want to speed up D, then that is something you should say. Otherwise, you shouldn't initiate R talks.

But it is your choice and if you decide to do it, you should have a plan of how to proceed in case he either doesn't respond (likely) or repeats his "I no longer love you". He will 99,99 % not tell you what you want to hear. So please, think it through.


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ruhappy Offline OP
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Thank you it seems the only way financially I can protect myself financially is file go divorce since state I live in doesn’t recognize legal separation problem is medical insurance needed due to my health is not good right now

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Thank you Byrow, yes thinking through as I would like nothing more than a happy healthy marriage however financially and insurance matters are a huge concern right now as I am no spring chicken and have some medical matters so taking care of me and living this man is 2 conflicting matters

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ruhappy Offline OP
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INA
He sent me an email saying :
am available to talk Monday or Tuesday, I have to travel the remainder of the week.

So do just say “okay. I hope you have safe travel”
Or What do I say ????

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ruhappy Offline OP
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He just emailed me again and said he will call at 7 tonight if oksy

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