I see myself wallowing in Ws words. Maybe I was a terrible H. Maybe I did crush her selfesteem. Maybe I made her invisible. Maybe she was unloved and unwanted. Maybe our relationship was the reason her finances are in a bad spot. Did I see myself doing it? No I did not. Did I REALLY love her? Yes I did, with my whole heart. I just didn't love her the right way. In her language.
I'll get ovet these thoughts soon.
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
I see myself wallowing in Ws words. Maybe I was a terrible H. Maybe I did crush her selfesteem. Maybe I made her invisible. Maybe she was unloved and unwanted. Maybe our relationship was the reason her finances are in a bad spot. Did I see myself doing it? No I did not. Did I REALLY love her? Yes I did, with my whole heart. I just didn't love her the right way. In her language.
I'll get ovet these thoughts soon.
And maybe pigs fly and brains are scrambled eggs.
Maybe this, perhaps that.
We forget that most of us are ordinary we do our very best with what we know. When we know then we can't unknow. It's ok.....
And she had a mouth to say what she felt.
Yes be responsible for your stuff but we forget that as LBS even being perfect wouldn't be enough.
Whilst you don't need to forgive her, you can forgive you.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I got over these thoughts in a couple of hours. But you are right V. Especially about the perfect not being enough. I've actually forgiven her. So it's about time I forgive myself.
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
petri I struggle with this too. I know I was a selfish, critical, and at times controlling jerk. No way around it. However, stepping outside of a marriage is never justified. Ending a marriage. Maybe. Especially if there is physical abuse? Absolutely. But stepping outside of a marriage, going to another member of the opposite sex for emotional support, or physical pleasure, is just wrong.
I once counseled a friend of mine who was having trouble in her marriage years ago. She asked me if I would ever cheat. I told her no. I said (and I stole this from Dr. Phil I believe) "If people would put as much time and effort into fixing their marriages that they put into sneaking around and having affairs, their marriages would be a whole lot better."
I truly believe that. The WS can always find fault with the LBS. We are imperfect human-beings. But that doesn't justify immorality on their part.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Besides Karate and visiting family/friends, what does Petri do for fun? There is absolutely nothing wrong in visiting family/friends, especially if you get their emotional support. However, most will ask how you've been doing, and it's easy to start talking about your WW, etc. You need something that completely removes you from the constant reminders of your sitch. What do you enjoy that is just good ole fun?
I remember reading that "laughter is the best medicine for the soul". There is even scientific proof that good hard belly laughs restore (all that science stuff) that the body needs. I have also read that, "stress kills". We all have to face some form of stress nearly every day. But the kind of stress that comes with your sitch has to have moments of relief.......(according to Dr. Sandi). Eventually, your emotions should start to balance out, but I encourage you to find something that is really fun and leaves you with a smile at the end of the day. ((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
