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Smart money is on her having an affair. She's already going GGW (girls gone wild). You've already drawn the connection to the OM. You, like me and many others, just don't want to believe it yet.

Quit worrying about her and become introspective. Work on yourself, focus on yourself and your kids first.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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Sorry for all the typos. Unfortunately i have to use my phone and the keys are too small. I dont want to run the risk of my wife seeing my posts. Although maybe it might do her some good.

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What do i do if/when i confirm affair? I think my wife is having a EA/PA and i feel like it will reveal itself soon. Im,tryinv not to snoop but sometimes things are left right in front of me. Just today, my wife left her phone home(pswd protected) anf i heard it ring. It was her checking to see if it was in her car. Not knowing the password, i pressed down on Siri and didnt say anything. It then listed some potential commands, set alarm, create appt, etc, but one of the commands was to email#### the same name of the guy i suspect my wife is with.??????????? So i commanded to email the guy and the contact also had a girls name, same as someone my wife is friends with. In the initial suggestions, it just listed his name? Why would my wife include the name of her friends husband to in the contacts or did she just add her friends name in case i ever discovered the phone? For example, she has a friend name Laura who is married to Paul. And the guy at her work is also named Paul. The suggestion list said do you want to email Paul? Only after i said email Paul did it show up as Laura and Paul with their last name????

Again. I know i need to focus on myself and not snoop, but sometimes its right in front of me and i dont want to let an affair happen right under my nose. Im prepared if she leaves or what have you, but i dont want to sleep in the same bed if shes dating someone. Im also worried about the impact to my kids if/when this,comes out. I dont want to have a big argument in front of them. I was thinking about taking her to a public restaraunt or something and saying what i know and then asking her to move out and leave the kids with me. Especially since she is disengaged and im the only parent thats stable(besides being down sometimes) right now. Im determined to save this m but she would have to be committed and not in an affair

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fmly1st Offline OP
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Is it normal to be so angry???

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Yes. Enjoy it.

I love it when I read anger. It's shift real progress.

I don't recommend red rage anger but pure white get going and I am going to use this to push me forwards in my life. Directed purposeful anger.

You are so lucky to have that motivation.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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It's time to call it and to know.

Yes a public place, now rehearsal before you do. And record it. WW is deceitful, except lies, seduction and hold your ground.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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When you confront her, she'll try to find out what you know. You can't tell her all that you know, or reveal your source. Don't let her twist it around and blame you for snooping. This is about her actions, not yours.

I think she's going to lie and deny........and play it off as something else. Then what will be your next move?

Don't expect a cheater to be honest.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Im not sure what my next move will be. Part of me wouldnt want her in the house and especiallh the bedroom....but part of me still has those feelings deep down, that loves her. Its so crazy. But i believe that i fell into that nice guy syndrome, so i need to fix that. Thats not me!!!! And its so hard to sit in my house knowing shes probably carrying on a love affair every night on her phone and i cant do a thing about it. Well, at some point the truth will reveal itself. Hopefully ill have everything worked out to protect my kids and I. And maybe, just maybe she will get thru this without inflicting too much damage! But im preparing myself for the worst!

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Wait. Take a day or two. Use that angry energy in a productive manner as V shared.

Right now you have clues. Real evidence will come. Undeniable evidence is what you need.

So sorry. I know how it feels. You will feel different in a few days.


M 53 W 54, M since 98
D15, D19
8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM
until 10/14
7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR
12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.

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You have to understand that the confrontation is not a fix to your problem. You can confront her, but have a plan beyond the confrontation. It is very rare for a WW to admit to all of the truth. If anything, it pushes her to take the next step toward ending the M. This is what I want you to get into your head. You think it will stop an affair if you approach her? It won't. She'll lie and take it deeper underground and continue to play you for a sucker. You have to think outside of just confronting her.

Quote:
Part of me wouldnt want her in the house and especiallh the bedroom....but part of me still has those feelings deep down, that loves her


I hope you won't make the mistake of waiting until every ounce of love is gone, before you find the strength to stand up for yourself. Don't ask her to leave the bedroom or home b/c you've lost your love for her! You do it out of respect for yourself and the M. It is an action that shows that you will not compromise with her disrespect......if she refuses to change.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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