Mine said she would have attorney get the paperwork going. My W is stubborn and even her mother says she has dug her heels in. have a coaching call today.
---------------- Me-53 W-50 T-16 M-13 Bomb drop 1-16-18 Discovered EA 1-23-18 Discovered PA 2-2-18 Still involved with OM WW moved out 3-29-18
Okay, so you messed up one communication. That's not going to destroy everything. It isn't catastrophic. Right now you're in the space where you're trying to analyze every little thing and every communication. stop that! Get some control and stabilize. That's the first real thing you need to work on. Get your focus off her and on you!
Read up on Sandi's rules again. Re-read them.
You just keep moving forward and implement NC/dark, as it works in your sitch, and keep the focus on you! Emphasizing that again because it's so important.
In your communications, before you send anything, ask yourself whether this sounds needy and desperate, or are you projecting strength without being a jerk? Find that balance.
Post what you want to communicate on this board and we'll help you out. Don't need to respond to anything right away unless it's an emergency. So, slow things down and breathe. This is a long journey.
Thanks everyone. I know I tend to panic and it is because for whatever reason I love her and don't want to loose her. I know thou that if I keep acting the way I am I will definetely loose her.
---------------- Me-53 W-50 T-16 M-13 Bomb drop 1-16-18 Discovered EA 1-23-18 Discovered PA 2-2-18 Still involved with OM WW moved out 3-29-18
Just to reassure you. My w is very stubborn too. She filed in March 2017. We finalized the agreement in January. And then she wouldn’t sign it. You have no idea what the future holds. You can only control you. One day at a time.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
W went to look at apartment after work. Came home with lease with a agreement date of Mar. 29. Now, she had not signed it as of this morning but I can see her plan because, as a teacher she has the end of March off as spring break which gives her time to move. I am struggling with making my goals such that I can see results.
---------------- Me-53 W-50 T-16 M-13 Bomb drop 1-16-18 Discovered EA 1-23-18 Discovered PA 2-2-18 Still involved with OM WW moved out 3-29-18
Make the goal about the process not the outcome. Fall in love with the process and outcome will happen.
For example, don't make your goal that you want to lose 20 pounds in 4 months. Make your goal that you want to make healthy choices and exercise. The weight loss will happen. Loving the process helps with motivation and keep things on track. Focusing on outcomes can be demotivating at times because you can't always control the outcome.
Should I ask W if she has rented apartment or let her tell me when she is ready? I am still working on detaching so I think I know the answer, but its hard when she goes from not communicating what she is doing to all of a sudden texting what she is doing or where she is going. She hasn't changed her stance on the D as far as I can tell.
---------------- Me-53 W-50 T-16 M-13 Bomb drop 1-16-18 Discovered EA 1-23-18 Discovered PA 2-2-18 Still involved with OM WW moved out 3-29-18
Should I ask W if she has rented apartment or let her tell me when she is ready? I am still working on detaching so I think I know the answer, but its hard when she goes from not communicating what she is doing to all of a sudden texting what she is doing or where she is going. She hasn't changed her stance on the D as far as I can tell.
along, remember this is a marathon not a sprint, and it is a marathon on a roller-coaster track. UPs AND DOWNs.
So no don't ask. And don't over analyze her behavior. Easier said than done and struggle daily with these things myself.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
W went to look at apartment after work. Came home with lease with a agreement date of Mar. 29. Now, she had not signed it as of this morning but I can see her plan because, as a teacher she has the end of March off as spring break which gives her time to move. I am struggling with making my goals such that I can see results.
Along, just hang in there and try to take a long term view of things. If you're the captain of a cruise ship and you are at full steam across the ocean and decide you want to turn around, well it doesn't happen quickly. It takes a whole lot of time and space. That's kind of the situation you're in, you want to stop and spin in place and reverse course but it just doesn't work that way. Separation may happen, divorce may happen, a lot of other things can and will happen. None of that means there's not a new R with your W somewhere down the road, there could very well be. But you've got to be very patient and let this stuff unfold in the meantime.
