Lost and desperate think she has closed off

[along]

So here is how the meeting about the house went down. We need to decide tonight what we are doing with it. She wants to stay and I want to stay. Attorney talk ensued. In between lots of silence and nervous face rubbing. Asked if we needed to take a break. she bit back harsly saying this is going to happen and said that she is done. Agreed to have realtor look over property for probable sale price. She was sure she could afford it. Went to bed with pit in stomach thinking this is really over. then I remembered Believe none of what you hear and less than half of what you see.
this morning before work I asked I we were still meeting friend about boarding horses and she backed off that saying the more I think I probably can't afford to keep the house either. So, now I am really confused. Was thinking it really is over because she wanted me to move out. Now it sounds like I may have a little more time to work the LRT. Am I wrong? She is very strong willed and usually sticks to her decisions.

[LH19]

So, now I am really confused. Was thinking it really is over because she wanted me to move out. Now it sounds like I may have a little more time to work the LRT. Am I wrong? She is very strong willed and usually sticks to her decisions.

A,

The thing is it is never over until you say it's over. You get to decide. Even if you divorce it may not be over. People recon after D all the time.

Take the focus off her and get your affairs in order to see if you can afford to keep the house. Do you really want to keep it or are you just trying to prevent her from having it?

How is your GAL going?

[along]

Starting slow spent time with out of town friends over the weekend. Yesterday visited a friend after work and had dinner with relatives. Got home around 7:00 and got on the treadmill before the house meeting. One thing I almost forgot my W has taken off her wedding ring and is keeping it in her purse.

[along]

I honestly love it where we are in the country, but in a past relationship I was the nice guy and moved out so she got everything she wanted. This will be a stretch to afford but in time I should have a handle on it.

[SteveLW]

along, eventually reality will come crashing down on her. How committed to her is the other man? (That is rhetorical.) The majority of OM are in it for one thing: sex. If he is married there is a high likelihood that he will not be willing to leave his family for her. If he is single without any attachments, it is highly likely that he will not want to be tied down by children your age. Most affairs die a slow death.

One of the ways to make it die faster is to not let it bother you. Hard? Yes. But the beauty here is that most of the excitement for most cheaters is the naughtiness of it not being known, or if known that the LBS is upset about it. If you know and you don't care, the romance of the PA slowly dissipates. Further, the OM will start to lose interest usually when he realizes that he is about to have an unattached woman on his hands.

She will shift in the wind many more times before this thing is finally settled. Don't let the "i want this, no I want that" get to you. At this point she isn't sure of what she wants. Stubborn or not.

[along]

Steve85, What worries me most is he is an old high shcool boyfriend and they have that history together. The W is pushing really hard to get this stuff decided. I am not trying to drag my feet and maybe I should be saying OK lets do this as part of the TLR technique I'm just not sure.

[SteveLW]

Well I would take a different tack and not help her with any of it. If she wants to push forward with it all let her do the work. I know others disagree, but she needs to own it if that is her plan.

[meg24]

he is an old high shcool boyfriend and they have that history together.

Along, don't focus on her history with high school boyfriend. High school is only 4 years. You have much more history with her, real life history. Their A will play itself out. Just focus on GAL. Detach, lovingly. You got this.

[along]

Does anybody know if any of the tele coaches comment on these threads. I hope that me detaching is the right thing to do since my coach wanted me to treat her like a house guest. Between the house talk and her not wearing her wedding ring I felt like I had to start to detach.
meg24 how are you handling it I see you have kids so he has to have contact with you. We do not have any children and I really worry about no contact when she does move out.

[along]

I am finding myself wanting to backslide and make another mistake by asking her to tell me what she is feeling. Tuesday towards the end of the house discussion I said you don't even want to look at me do you. She responded that it has nothing to do with me that it is her and the guilt she feels. I so want to ask her to talk to me about it, but I know I shouldn't right now.
When I got home from being out with friends she asked about the house again and said that if I thought I could afford it to take it. She said she would have to hire someone to do things repairing the house that I have the skills to do myself. Talk about confusing.