She just texted me about getting an attorney if we cant work out the house. She is getting Comps from the local realtor after work. She has accelerated things quite a bit. Any suggestions on how to approach this tonight. My gut says be civil and agreeable, but I want to ask why the big hurry, what has changed that you want to move so fast?
---------------- Me-53 W-50 T-16 M-13 Bomb drop 1-16-18 Discovered EA 1-23-18 Discovered PA 2-2-18 Still involved with OM WW moved out 3-29-18
Don't help her. Make her do all the work. If i were you id be out with the horses all night. Don't ignore her but don't follow her. Avoid her. Answer her questions directly and succinctly. Don't volunteer any information. Make her put the house up for sale. Don't lift a finger.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Perfectly okay to communicate and handle your business - house, finances, kids, etc. As long as you're not doing R talks, you're fine.
If house issues need to be figured out, participate in it and get it done. Don't do the leg work, and let her do that, but don't avoid what you might have to do to move it forward.
Totally fine to respond to her about the house stuff and scheduling a time to sit down and discuss it like you're doing a business transaction.
Was not a plan to ignore. I planned to start detaching by visiting my parents for dinner then watching some TV returning home around 7:00. Now if I tell her that I will be home later isn't that defeating the purpose of detaching?
---------------- Me-53 W-50 T-16 M-13 Bomb drop 1-16-18 Discovered EA 1-23-18 Discovered PA 2-2-18 Still involved with OM WW moved out 3-29-18
Detachment isn't a light switch you can turn on and off. Please read the links Cadet posted and reflect on them. There's so much good information.
Don't need to tell her when you're going to be home. You can say something like this:
"Yes, we need to discuss issues related to the house. I can sit down with you at x time tonight. Does that work for you?"
You don't need to report to her about your coming and goings, but figure out when you're going to do this. see in my text above I didn't mention you being home or being out or whatever. I kept it on topic - meeting to talk about the house. That's all that's relevant. You're booking an appointment to discuss business.
Here is my version of detachment. Paragraph three keeps me motivated every day.
Today I will commit myself to detachment. I will allow myself and those around me the freedom to be as they are. I will not rigidly impose my idea of how things should be. I will not force solutions on problems, thereby creating new problems. I will participate in everything with detached involvement.
Today I will factor in uncertainty as an essential ingredient of my experience. In my willingness to accept uncertainty, solutions will spontaneously emerge out of the problem, out of the confusion, disorder, and chaos. The more uncertain things seem to be, the more secure I will feel, because uncertainty is my path to freedom. Through the wisdom of uncertainty, I will find my security.
I will step into the field of all possibilities and anticipate the excitement that can occur when I remain open to infinity of choices. When I step into the field of all possibilities, I will experience all the fun, adventure, magic, and mystery of life.
