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Hoosjim, this all seems very, very positive. I'm proud of you, and your patience, and proud of what to appears to be your wife's slowly increasing commitment and work! Even when I'm in the dumps, I like catching up on your thread.


Me: Mid 40s W : Early 40s
M:11 T:13
S, D, both 7-10
BD : 11/2017
Separation : 1/18
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she definitely has talked about feeling the pressure to be the good, responsible one and set a good example and how she feels like her sibs got away with more than she did.


I remember an incident that took place right before my 40th birthday, and my sibling and I had a little spat. My father told me that I should make the first move to patch things up, even though he did not think I was the one in the wrong. Here I was nearly 40 years old and I said, "Why is it me that always has to be the one to make the first move"? Sounded real mature, right? And his answer was, "Because you are the oldest". I wanted to pull my hair out in frustration. I said, "I've heard that all my life, and I still don't know why she can get away with doing wrong but I have to continue setting the right example".

My two granddaughters are like watching history repeat itself. Same age difference, personalities, etc. And, I see the oldest girl having to do all the chores and be responsible for so much, and she is a good girl.........while her sister sits around and does nothing, gets away with murder. Well, guess which one I take up for?

But yes, a lot of pressure is put on the first born to be the "perfect" one. I use to ask my parents why they made so much difference between my sister and I, and they said they had to learn how on me. They even admitted to being too strict b/c they wanted me to near perfect. By the time sister came along, they realized their mistake and slacked up with her.......but I think they slacked too much.

Anyway, it is interesting to see how that same scenario is played out in other families.

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Fire away! (Am I "piecing" yet? Seems like maybe, but still unsure.)


I will admit that I was not as confident as Don H. When you told about me about the jewelry, and a few other things about the same time......I was very concerned. But now that she is putting forth effort and seeing the MC/IC, I am very hopeful. And, yes........I would say you are piecing! When both parties are committed and putting forth effort in doing the necessary work, they are definitely piecing, IMHO.

So, I hope you will shift gears from that mindset of a LBH to one in piecing. I hope that takes some pressure off you and you can relax a little. Have fun planing big things and simple things.........and sometimes, do something on the spur of the moment. Just never fall back into those old ways.

Some of my best times were planning little "special nights" with my H. I had been reading this book that was telling women how they should change things up, so the H would not become bored at his own address. I noticed one morning as he was leaving for work how his shoulders appeared to be carry a lot of weight. I decided I was going to perk things up that evening. I got busy and arranged for the kids to spend the night with their grandparents. Then I went to the store to buy his favorite food to prepare for dinner. That night came home and opened to door to see a beautiful set table with candlights, fresh flowers, and his favorite cooked meal. But he wasn't paying that too much attention. His focus was on the poised brunette who was wearing a sexy halter top, short-shorts, and high heels (which was not my normal attire). The living room looked as if I had tried to decorate like.......well, I'm not sure. I had an air mattress in the middle of the floor, covered with silky sheets and big pillows, and something red thrown over the lamp shades. I had even picked up a little inexpensive gift for him to open, with a card To the Best Husband in the World. He forgot all about his tiring day, and we had a lot of fun that night. It was no special occasion, but I decided we didn't need a calendar to tell us when we could celebrate each other. He kept asking what got into me, and why was I doing all of that for him.......and I told him it was my way of showing him how much I appreciate him working so hard to provide for our family. Neither of us could tell you the date or even the year, it's been so long ago.......but we will never forget the experience. That was the first of many to follow, and with each one, I became a little more daring and creative. blush

I think it was great you gave her the romantic off the chart valentine's celebration without putting pressure on her for sex. It will help her relax for the next special event and finally the two of you will ease back into intimacy without feeling so awkward. And your counselor said something I think is important. Don't go into it all serious and tense. That puts too much pressure on you and her. Make it fun and relaxed as possible.

You said she didn't like surprises, but don't you think that is when it involves other people seeing her before she has time to dress and look her best? When it just something between the two of you......how does she respond?

I hope the next six weeks will be filled with little simple surprises that show you have stepped up and took charge of the evenings. Maybe not every night, but how about once a week? Some of us may even be able to come up with some ideas. But I don't want you stealing my halter top, shorts, and high heels. As soon as my H's heart gets stronger, I'm plan to wear it again. grin


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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I will admit that I was not as confident as Don H. When you told about me about the jewelry, and a few other things about the same time......I was very concerned. But now that she is putting forth effort and seeing the MC/IC, I am very hopeful. And, yes........I would say you are piecing! When both parties are committed and putting forth effort in doing the necessary work, they are definitely piecing, IMHO.

So, I hope you will shift gears from that mindset of a LBH to one in piecing. I hope that takes some pressure off you and you can relax a little.


Sandi, everyone... I just have to say "thanks" again to y'all (giving myself away a little bit geographically there smile ). Don't know what i would have done through all of these months without this board, the DB-ing philosophy, my DB coach. Everyone so helpful and pulling for me-- even when that did entail tough love and 2x4s. It really meant alot and has been a critical component in my growth, and, in the movement of my MR to a place, where, despite all the odds and factors seemingly stacked against it, we have a legitimate chance to "make this work." I know we are far from out of the woods, and that we have much, much work still to do-- you don't fix 10 years of bad marriage and hurt in 6 months-- but i have hope. Faith has been a big, big part of that, and i continue to pray daily for guidance, for grace, for patience... and i think that all of you folks have been part of the answer to my prayers. Thank you.

And I have been able to relax some. Little things, some faith, idunno, i just have. W is at grocery store now, a trip which, not three months ago, would have had me worrying, wringing my hands, wishing i'd put the tracker on her car. Now, I can sit her telling my online friends "thanks" and not stressing about her whereabouts. Does that mean i am confident we will fully reconcile? No. But i am confident that, at least for now, the place my W is in is a place with me. (See, i even thought about putting little "" marks around "with", but didn't smile )

Alot of that laundry list of thing that i threw out there back before christmas were me "spinning"... not all, and there were some concerning things there, but i have come to realize that you can't view every single thing in a negative light and assume the worst. Sometimes... even most times, you need to, as MWD counsels, "act as if..."

W wears the jewelry i gave her more than any others currently, and as for the wedding ring, i really believe after having it discussed, twice now, in MC, that she genuninely resents me having lost mine and not having replaced it. So, Ima take the lead on that, as some on here suggested, and just not discuss it but, rather, in the next few weeks, go buy myself a replacement and start wearing it... for me. and for us. If nothing else, should be good fodder for our "talks', LOL.

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I think it was great you gave her the romantic off the chart valentine's celebration without putting pressure on her for sex. It will help her relax for the next special event and finally the two of you will ease back into intimacy without feeling so awkward. And your counselor said something I think is important. Don't go into it all serious and tense. That puts too much pressure on you and her. Make it fun and relaxed as possible.



I think is a great descriptor of the V-Day date. (actually day after-- Wednesday was Ash Wednesday and so a day of fasting and going to mass for us-- though i did send her tropical flowers and a nice card on the 14th telling her i was looking forward to the next night). At any rate, she continually seemed surprised/dumbfounded as i first brought out nice champagne, then the chauffered car, then the restaurant she'd been wanting to go to, etc. Surprised, but pleased at the same time. And also, yes, awkward and, i would probably say, even a bit "shy". But i think it was a good ice breaker. Only drawback was that we did not get to do the weekend away at the ski resort this weekend--rain washed us out, but i told her we'd be taking a rain check. Now i need to come up with another weekend since skiing season rapidly ending, at least in our neck of the woods, with warmer weather.

Last night we had a nice and kind of surprising night. S18, the one with TS, had a rough night. Lost his basketball jersey as we were getting ready to go to his game... he had a near complete meltdown, missed the game, fought/argued with us.. W said, under her breath but i heard, "now our whole evenining is ruined,too". (We really enjoy going to watch his games.) At any rate, I "handled" S18, was stern but understanding, and he eventually left the house, still angry, to go talk to his coach. But when he came back, very apologetic, gave us both hugs (he is the "cuddly" one of my two boys, unlike S19 who has an ice-man exterior but is still pretty mushy inside) and said he was sorry. That meant a lot to my W.

So, though we hadn't planned it, i went upstairs and changed and told w (who already looked gorgeous) "c'mon, let's get out of here for a bit." And we headed for our local neighborhood pub which has live music on Saturday and where we hadn't been in a little while. She was quiet at first, but warmed up quickly. We had a very good evening with lots of good conversation. A few tidbits: We got talking about movies and actors and she said "Well, you do have a bit of George Clooney in you", and i mentioned a movie we had once seen with him and J-Lo in it, and how good their chemistry was, and I was like "Well, you have quite a bit of J-Lo in you" and she said "darn right i do! Just need to work on this body a little before we get to the beach.". I'd've said something to that, but then she immediately said: "Hey, we're gonna rent that movie when we get home, no matter how late it is." Which we did. When we got home while i was renting the movie (we have a projector and screen in our TV room which gives a pretty good movie experience) she went upstairs and changed into a set of pajamas--not sexy but very cute, flannel-- that she had gotten from my Mom at Christmas and not previously worn. So we kind of cuddled up a little on the couch-- even though she doesn't object when i put my arm around her in bed, she still wont lean into my shoulder with arm around her in that sitting on the couch context, but she is gradually getting closer-- put her feet up in my lap or alternately under my legs and let me caress them and her lower leg. It was a nice evening.

A couple of noteworthy things she said while we were out:

On the subject of the motorcycle driving class she has wanted to take forever, like, for years, but keeps putting off (and remember that OM had a bike, grrrr....) she said "Well maybe you should take it with me... that way i can cheat off of you on the written test so i make sure i pass, since i am terrible at tests (smiling.)" This is the first time she has ever indicated she might be willing to take that class as anything other than a "just her" or "just her and a gf" thing (at one point she had been saying she was going to do it with bff. IDK, i found it encouraging.

On the subject of MC and our counselor-- She (W) has this thing about slow, "sappy" songs (she doesn't like them-- "gag, gag"). She has mentioned this in some of our recent conversations and said she thinks it goes hand in hand with her whole commitment issue... and i tend to agree. So, at any rate, last night she mentions that again during a slow song at the pub and says "What do you think MC would make of THAT" And i said, "not sure, you should ask her." And then she says, "IDK, I'm not sure she's my girl-- she asks too many questions, not enough answers.... i need answers." Kind of smiling at this as if joking, but IDK


H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7

"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
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At any rate, I "handled" S18, was stern but understanding, and he eventually left the house, still angry, to go talk to his coach. But when he came back, very apologetic, gave us both hugs (he is the "cuddly" one of my two boys, unlike S19 who has an ice-man exterior but is still pretty mushy inside) and said he was sorry. That meant a lot to my W.


Are you referring to your handling S18 that meant a lot, or him apologizing? I don't remember us discussing much about this subject, but this is a good place to throw it in. Even if the dad has not been the disciplinarian with the boys, when they are in middle school through high school graduation (and beyond).......I think the dad needs to step in and deal with the son......like you handled it with S18. Unless the dad is unreasonably strict or hard on his sons, they need him to deal with them......instead of watching him sit back waiting on mom to handle the boys. In fact, I think some boys give their mother a harder time, once they get as big, or taller, than her. Whether in a rebellious manner, b/c dad is not being a role model, or he sweet talks his mother......he thinks he'll wear her down. Typically, she is going to be softer on the sons more than the daughters. (I know you have no daughters, but for anyone who does). Dads know what his son will face as a man......just as mom knows what the girl will face as a grown woman. Daddy may pet his D when she has the cramps and wants to stay home from school. But mom is going to tell her, " Well guess what, sweetheart? I have the cramps, too! So get out of bed cause I am going to work, and you are going to school". (I heard this while watching T.D. Jakes). We tend to be a little tougher on the same sex child. Which makes sense.

I said all of that to say your W probably appreciated you stepping up and dealing with the situation in a firm, but caring way. Good job!

Quote:
"Well, you do have a bit of George Clooney in you", and i mentioned a movie we had once seen with him and J-Lo in it, and how good their chemistry was, and I was like "Well, you have quite a bit of J-Lo in you" and she said "darn right i do!


That is really good interaction. Flirtatious, natural, and spunky on her part. And your response was great, with no pressure or implied expectations. This is what I was hoping to see, if you could stop being so tense.

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while i was renting the movie (we have a projector and screen in our TV room which gives a pretty good movie experience) she went upstairs and changed into a set of pajamas--not sexy but very cute, flannel-- that she had gotten from my Mom at Christmas and not previously worn.


Good ole, safe, flannel pajamas. Now this is just a shot in the dark, but if things have warmed by the time you take her on the birthday trip........and by warm, I don't mean the weather........why not buy her a beautiful nightgown and have it wrapped nicely? If things have not progressed far enough (if she's still not leaning into your shoulder), at least buy her a pair of silky pajamas. You could even be looking for a funny birthday card that matched the gift. Maybe when you give it to her, say something like, "I really need to talk to my mom about her taste in sleepwear".

Keep a certain flow going between you. I realize there will be times one of you will be dead tired or not in the mood to flirt and play around. Life just isn't a party every day. But as I explained previously, we can create good times instead of waiting for them to "just appear" out of nothing, or b/c the calendar says to do it on a certain date.. Maybe your new pet name for her should be "J-Lo". wink

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This is the first time she has ever indicated she might be willing to take that class as anything other than a "just her" or "just her and a gf" thing (at one point she had been saying she was going to do it with bff. IDK, i found it encouraging.


Well, it would be something new you could enjoy together. Better you, than BFF. And I was wondering, since she makes references to her weight........,have you thought about some other activity together, like going to the gym, rock climbing, hiking, etc.? I know H's have to approach this area very carefully, b/c you don't want her thinking you are implying she is getting out of shape. (Ugh! Women!). But you have such a way with words, I bet you could approach to sound like you just want to do more things "together".

Quote:
On the subject of MC and our counselor-- She (W) has this thing about slow, "sappy" songs (she doesn't like them-- "gag, gag"). She has mentioned this in some of our recent conversations and said she thinks it goes hand in hand with her whole commitment issue... and i tend to agree.


I don't particularly care for the slow, sad, sappy songs, either. I need something to speed up my heart.........not slow it down! grin I have not watched a sad, chick movie in years! If I know in advance it's any kind of sad story, I won't watch it. Who needs it?

Anyway........it all sounds good. I think both of you needed to see the other one putting effort into some things......maybe just in different ways. Neither of you can see the process the other one is doing in their own heart.

((hugs))


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Are you referring to your handling S18 that meant a lot, or him apologizing? ...

I said all of that to say your W probably appreciated you stepping up and dealing with the situation in a firm, but caring way.


When I typed it, I meant his apology and his hug but, now that you mention it, I am sure she appreciated the way I handled it...in fact even just that I did "handle it." One of her "knocks" on me leading up to BD and then in the immediate aftermath, and, indeed, for several years, was that she was doing all the work and all the parenting, and that she was the "bad guy" with the kids. As to the work, she is absolutely right... at least for the earlier years of our troubles. I was sick, in constant pain, probably borderline depressed. I just didn't "do" a lot. She did the lawn/yard work and anything else that required heavy lifting or exertion, and my "absence" somewhat extended to parenting the kids. Not that I just completely tuned out, but I was definitely more wishy-washy with them, and definitely more likely to be the one they went to for an exception or the like. Not sure how all that came about... it was a very gradual and incremental process, but by the time it reached it's nadir my W was (in my eyes) a cranky, shrewish, abrasive W who was too verbally sharp with the kids (And with me) and who felt the kids "hated her" and that she didn't have any kind of relationship with them. For my part, I felt that they didn't have a mother figure and that she was not being the nurturing influence/role that all kids need from a mom. Chicken and egg, I guess-- I mean, her relationship getting that way with them obviously was in some respects driven by my own deficiencies and neglect, but, whatever, it just kind of panned out that way-- perfect storm I suppose.

In the last, say, 2-3 years prior to BD, my health had improved markedly, I was again taking responsibility for the mowing, fixing, hauling, manly house tasks but... as far as the relationship dynamics the damage had already been done. It took BD to shake things up and get us to a place where we were assuming our proper roles in the family (she is now definitely much more the empathetic, nurturing Mom and I am definitely now "the heavy"... but in a just and caring and fatherly way) and to get us, eventually, to the point where we are now truly "partners" in raising the kids.

At any rate, I know she appreciates that in me now (she has told me so on more than one occasion) and also that she really values any warm interactions she has with the boys. S18, the one with tourettes, is very warm and demonstrative in general, always says "I love you mom", etc. The other one, S19, my college boy,not so much, at least yet. His relationship became very strained with his mother during HS-- he had some mild reading impediment and dyslexia-type stuff in addition to his OCD/anxiety disorder going on that made his studies a real challenge. All of that put a real strain on the relationship, and I don't think S19 (who also is not as demonstrative to begin with as S18) has gotten past that. I also more than half suspect that HE suspects that something was going on between my wife and OM.

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why not buy her a beautiful nightgown and have it wrapped nicely? If things have not progressed far enough (if she's still not leaning into your shoulder), at least buy her a pair of silky pajamas.


You know, it's funny, back when we were first dating/not-dating (we had several starts and stops) but before she had fully... committed(If that's the right word?) to a romantic relationship with me (She would always say "we're just 'hanging out'"), she called me up one night out of the blue and said, "hey, my roommate's not here and I'm trying to study for this test.." (she was in grad school at the time) "...do you want to come over and help me study?" Well, I was crazy about her so, of course, I said yes i'll be right over. So, when she comes to the door, the lights are turned somewhat low and she is wearing this set of silk pajamas, bright blue that set off her eyes, and which are long-legged and long armed but, being silk, accentuated her figure wonderfully. As soon as I come in she turns around and gives me this kiss and im like, just Wow wow wow. Long story short, we didn't ML that night (though man did I try-- she just wasn't going to do that on a "first date"), but I did stay over, and we stayed up very late talking, making out, etc. (No studying smile ) After that, when we were more, <ahem> "active", I would always want her to wear those because it reminded me of her answering the door that night in them. At any rate, because of that, whenever I think of her and silk pajamas I think of anything BUT "stodgy" and "not sexy". Sadly, she doesn't have that set anymore...

Quote:
Keep a certain flow going between you. I realize there will be times one of you will be dead tired or not in the mood to flirt and play around. Life just isn't a party every day. But as I explained previously, we can create good times instead of waiting for them to "just appear" out of nothing, or b/c the calendar says to do it on a certain date.. Maybe your new pet name for her should be "J-Lo".


Yeah, when we were dating I used to constantly be racking my brain for fun/flirty things to do with her. Need to keep that up, here, just "go with it." One of the things I want to do now is to "buy her a drink from across the bar." She had mentioned this to me a couple of times before, way back when, and did so again Saturday night that she had never had a man "buy her a drink" from across the bar. She said her first year in college someone tried and she turned him down because she didn't drink at that point, but, aside from that, she's never had someone buy or even offer to buy her one. Now, given her looks I find this and always have found this very hard to believe but she maintains that it was always her friends who got bought drinks when she was out, and never her, even to this day. So, I am going to find a way/place/time to do that, but I also want to make sure it's not creepy or stalker-ish. Maybe "drop by" a bar the next time she is out with friends. She has an after dinner beer about once every other week with one of her work friends-- a very nice, sweet, Christian,single mom who is an excellent influence on my W... and I hope it stays that way-- and obviously she meets up with <gag> bff from time to time. I just think that would be a cool kind of thing to do.

Anyone else have any cool date or flirty things they want to offer up or suggest and im all ears.

I actually was thinking of referring to her as "J-Lo" in some of our flirtier moments. Helps that her name actually starts with a "J" smile

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Well, it would be something new you could enjoy together. Better you, than BFF. And I was wondering, since she makes references to her weight........,have you thought about some other activity together, like going to the gym, rock climbing, hiking, etc.? I know H's have to approach this area very carefully, b/c you don't want her thinking you are implying she is getting out of shape.


I have ALWAYS wanted her to go to the gym with me, even when we were just dating. Not because I ever thought she was fat our out of shape, but just because I thought it would be a fun thing to do together. Of course, now, she doesn't consider working out "fun", even though she was a fitness trainer for a while back when we first met. However, interesting dynamic, for the last several days (and maybe it is just because she knows we have this trip in may, now) but she HAS been working out... and in front of me. She's never really been willing to do that before, but a couple nights back she brought dumbells up to the room and was lifting them while I was getting ready for bed, and then a couple of times yesterday she made it a point to be down in the TV room when I was there doing some leg lifts and stretches and calisthenics. (She can still do full splits-- always has been able to which was why she was such a good hurdler-- and it drives me up the WALL.)

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I don't particularly care for the slow, sad, sappy songs, either. I need something to speed up my heart.........not slow it down! grin I have not watched a sad, chick movie in years! If I know in advance it's any kind of sad story, I won't watch it. Who needs it?


You know, its funny, she says that about the songs, but then she'll sit there and watch hours of Hallmark channel sometimes with those sappy movies (Still does that some) or, in the past, read stacks of those romance novels (hasn't actually read one of those in a while.)

Anyhoo, thanks again all, I will update as appropriate. Keep those date and flirtiness ideas coming!

Last edited by Cadet; 02/26/18 06:00 AM. Reason: not - now

H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7

"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
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Ya know, if I were you, I'd been checking out the VS catalog for a pair of those blue PJs. It's not overly sexual and will need the correct timing - like a getaway weekend - but I can't help but think it might be a good idea that Sandy came up with there. Getting something similar to back when you first started dating might be good too.

It sure seems like your W is giving you ideas all over the place. Are you both hearing them and also willing to act? Again, timing is a must but she's throwing them out to you for a reason - especially when she does it multiple times. A drink across the bar, some 50 shades-esq moves. The right timing along with light and playful is the ticket.

Also, the more and more you tell us, the more it all makes sense - like the wedding ring thing. Checking out, little to no sex, her having to do lawn work and take the lead with the kids. Add it all up and you really have to ask why not versus why she has done some of the things she has. It never excuses having OM but it really seems to make a lot of sense why you are in the position you are in after learning more and her reactions to it.

Slow and steady. It's still going to be a long road back home but you are clearly piecing!


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One of her "knocks" on me leading up to BD and then in the immediate aftermath, and, indeed, for several years, was that she was doing all the work and all the parenting, and that she was the "bad guy" with the kids.


My exact words!

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I mean, her relationship getting that way with them obviously was in some respects driven by my own deficiencies and neglect, but, whatever, it just kind of panned out that way-- perfect storm I suppose.


My H wasn't abseent, he just would not step up and help with the parenting. It had a big affect on me. He had been great when they were babies, but as they were growing up, he did not help me with the discipline side and teaching the kids to be accountable/responsible. Even when our child was diagnosed with diabetes, he never tried to learn anything about the disease.......or even how to give a shot of insulin. It was all on me, and I resented it. When the teenage rebellion hit, I was the one who applied tough love.

If there are two parents in the home, then they need to be a team. Sometimes I wondered if it would be as difficult as a single mother trying to parent, than having a H who acted as if he was just along for the ride and never took the wheel. It made me feel like I had to be more strict, to make up the difference in his softness. It hurts to think back on some of the times I had to be hard on them, but they grew up to be wonderful adults and everyone speaks highly of them. Would they have done the same if I had been as soft as my H? Well, I obviously didn't think so, especially through the rebellious teenage years. The one with diabetes gave me a run for my money. I definitely felt the weight. I was probably a cranky shrew, too, b/c I was exhausted and angry.

So, maybe I can empathize with your W, having a child with special needs.....and not getting as much support as she wanted. She must have felt as if they were twins, being born so close together! Thank God you have your eyes wide open.

So, changing gears here, maybe you can find a pair of silk pajamas in the shade of blue like she wore on the study night. Have you ever shared with her your thoughts about that night? If not, save it until she opens the new ones. I would have given nearly anything to hear my H talk about some of his thoughts about me during our pre-dating times. It may really turn her on to hear that story. Who knows? wink

About getting more ideas, you can google it. IDK, if you'll get what you are wanting.....but it's worth a shot.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Okay, so, brief "Amusing(?) Anecdote of the Day":

Today my W had to go in early to the office (standard for a Tuesday for her), so by the time I was up and moving around she had already left. I have a couple of important meetings today, so I am dialed in on that and trying to focus on shaking out the cobwebs and getting ready and my phone buzzes. So I look down at the front page screen, you know on Android phones the one that gives you a brief summary of everything that's "open" as well as snippets from incoming calls/messages? I see "message from MrsHoosJim: Good luck today! I love you!" My heart flips. I could have just responded to the message from the front screen but something prompted me to open up "messenger" first...

It was in the "group text" with my S19 off at college, but that doesn't show up on the front screen-- front screen only shows who it's from (in this case my W)... It was a message for our son, LOL laugh

And I was this close to just texting back: "K, thanks! Love you too!" before I opened up the messenger...

Ah, well. Freudian slip, perhaps? It'll happen eventually... grin


H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7

"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
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Quote:
And I was this close to just texting back: "K, thanks! Love you too!" before I opened up the messenger...


Now that would be funny, b/c it would have her wheels spinning. If it's not too late, maybe do it anyway. See if she asks you about it. If she does, then you can explain how you thought the message was to you, and if she doesn't.......it may give her a thought or two. grin


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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So, do you guys say "ILY"?

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