I believe everything happens exactly the way it is supposed to happened. If she changes her mind you will know. Just remember that when she does, she needs to earn another chance with you.
Remember the saying, "do what works". I dont see any harm in having a conversation. You have learned how to validate and learned how to stay calm in those convos.
You won't be approaching this conversation with any expectations, so don't over think it. If you still are standing for the M, don't stop.
Like V said, what do you have to lose. If you are approaching D, how will a conversation impact that if she is dead set on it. But, what if you are right in your assessment of her waiting for you to start the convo, because she might feel rejected if she does? Some things for you to think about.
You have do really hard work to get where you are at, and I know you W sees the improvements.
Good job J9.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
The closer this gets to be final I find the thoughts of initiating a R talk creeping into my head. I am not sure why, I guess it has been so long since it has happened sometimes I wonder if she is afraid to bring them up herself for fear of me rejecting her. At times I feel she is feeling me out to get an idea of what I am willing and not willing to do. IDK. I guess I am finding it harder to continue sitting back, not initiating anything with her and watching the date of D inching closer.
I was feeling quite a lot the same way. The other day, I got together with W to discuss a lot of things, like taxes, schedule for the kids, moving forward with D, etc. I said something like "I had hoped for R, but you obviously are happy and moving on, so my hopes have waned. I guess I'm ready to move forward with the D." I am ready to move on, but figured I'd open that door a little and see if she'd open it. She didn't, and that's ok.
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
Thanks everyone for the input.....I thought about and I am not going to do a thing. I see signs but nothing over the top that would indicate her mind has changed. We were going over finances today and she is very happy with how much she is going to be getting and made a comment about how awesome it is. I just responded with good, I am a bad man (I handled all of our money and the investing). She responded back with a smiley face (I didn't respond back). So I get little stuff like that but nothing that is going to make me take the first step.
I do agree her respect is coming or has come back but I still think she has a long way to go. Which further affirms that it is more about her than it is about me and what I did or didn't do.
Anyway...after a few weak days I am back on the horse.
Hi all.....back on track and things are going great. Meeting a buddy tonight after work and bought concert tickets with some friends to see one of my favorite bands of all time in July. I am really excited! I have also started to dive in deep on my calorie intake and have been tracking them daily, along with my macros as I want to drop about 15 lbs and get down to around 220. That has really got me focused and dedicated.
Soccer is starting back up this week since Spring Break is over with so I took my youngest to practice last night and will get to see my oldest tomorrow at her practice. It is nice being able to see them during the week so even then though this is not my week I get to stay in touch with them even if it is just for a few minutes. I also enjoy watching them play which is just an extra bonus. Games this weekend on Saturday morning so looking forward to that as well.
The W is still reaching out to me daily, asking my opinions on condos, finances, sending me smiley faces, making jokes, being all upbeat and sometimes for no reason. She sent me a note out of blue "Thanking" me for giving her an advance (for money) on what I send her each month. She has never done that before ever. Anyway, sometimes I feel like I am observing wild animals at a zoo and their behaviors. I find it very interesting at times. Obviously my WW is the wild animal being observed
We got a note from our L today asking about how much support we wanted me to pay for our youngest after our oldest turns 18. My W sent me a note, asking me to explain so I did. I then suggested we just 1/2 the amount of what I will currently being paying for those 2 years and she immediately agreed. Just that easy.
As my W has started to be nicer I have found myself thinking to be careful to not get sucked back in to the tempest. Obviously I have no clue why all of this is happening but I need to remain detached and not let myself get too close to the fire. With time and distance everything has become more clear and easier to diagnose.
The W is still reaching out to me daily, asking my opinions on condos, finances, sending me smiley faces, making jokes, being all upbeat and sometimes for no reason. She sent me a note out of blue "Thanking" me for giving her an advance (for money) on what I send her each month. She has never done that before ever.
IMO it's because you are not trying to prevent her from what she wants and that is to be free. Also, she doesn't have to feel guilty because she knows you and your Ds are ok.
It's going to take a long time before she realizes she fuched up big time. My guess is you will have moved on by then.
Hi all.....back on track and things are going great. Meeting a buddy tonight after work and bought concert tickets with some friends to see one of my favorite bands of all time in July. I am really excited! I have also started to dive in deep on my calorie intake and have been tracking them daily, along with my macros as I want to drop about 15 lbs and get down to around 220. That has really got me focused and dedicated
That's awesome. love this update. Are you using MFP or something else to track calories and macros? Those 15 lbs will come off in no time.
Quote:
As my W has started to be nicer I have found myself thinking to be careful to not get sucked back in to the tempest. Obviously I have no clue why all of this is happening but I need to remain detached and not let myself get too close to the fire. With time and distance everything has become more clear and easier to diagnose.
Yeah, but I think with what you've gone through, it would be difficult for you to get sucked back in. You've spent so much time and energy into thinking about it and acting on what you need from life, that it won't be easy for her to just snatch you back into her world. If this niceness leads to a better co-parenting relationship, then it's all good. She'll realize over time how she f$@ked up. I bet you that will happen as soon as you go out in the dating pool.
