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Joined: Mar 2017
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J, I started dating again, probably WAY too early, but it was nice to just go out and enjoy some adult company. I found that as long as I was up front about what I wanted, the women I dated were very understanding. Some were interested in casual dating, some not, but on the whole it's been fun.


M:23 T:26
Me:53, Wife: 60
S:18
D:16
filed 7/16
W moved out 4/28/17
Joined: Apr 2017
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Well J9, when the wind blows...you have to sail!
Good for you!


WW H(me): 53
W: 48
T: 27 M: 22
S: 18
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
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Thanks BT.....I think I will just leave it at 35 for now and go with it. The first lady that popped up was 40 so I can handle that. If my W does ever get them done I probably won't end up giving her the satisfaction either. By that time I will probably be dating someone and would have had some many awesome experiences I wouldn't even be interested. I still need to add a couple more pictures to my profile and I should be good to go come 4/11.

J....go to hear. Everyone that I have talked to has indicated that they have really enjoyed the dating experience again so I am looking forward to it. I went out with some friends last night and my neighbors W asked when it was going live. I told her in one month and she asked why in a month and I told her that is when the D will be final. I had her proof my BIO as well and she gave it a thumbs up. For some reason being Divorced first is something that is important to me before I put myself out there again.

But like you said as long as your open and honest to each their own. Good for you, I am glad you are enjoying the interaction!!

N....the wind is starting to blow. I have no clue if my W and I will ever find our way back to each other but I do know that once the D is final going out and meeting other women is something that I am going to experience. I feel good about myself, I am confident, have a lot to offer and have no expectations. I am approaching it from an open mind. I feel like a horse in the gate ready for the race to start. It's been a long journey of growth, self discovery, looking inward and realizing I have a long life to live and it's time I get off the sidelines. I didn't ask for it but I am prepared to make the most of it. A little nervous but trying really hard to only look out the front window. This is not punitive towards my W and wanting to show her what she is missing, this is about me taking another step forward to continue forging my new life.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,560
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Hi all, on vacation this week and leave today to go camping with the girls for a couple of days so it should be an interesting experience. Went golfing yesterday with some buddies, hit the gym, played basketball and did some spring yard work as well so needless to say I have been pretty busy.

Closing on the house is this Friday and then I will be the proud owner of our family home. Mixed emotions as you can imagine but excited it will be all mine and the girls. Wife should get her portion of the equity some time next week and then the last piece should be the 401k division. Looks like May will be the first month of my new expenses kicking in and the first month I will pay her support. Crazy how far this has come. Still no movement on her part.

I still have it done anything with dating yet. I got my profile written up now I. Am just working my pictures. I have had a few people review to give me some feedback so I have a few changes to make. My buddy the got D two years ago gave me some good advice and has been my online dating, profile mentor.

Other than that the girls are good, soccer has started so it is a fun time of the year. No games or practices this week because of Spring Break however they will start back up next week. Last week I realized how perceptive they are. My W and I traded cars last week as the car she is getting in the D has a lower payment. When we traded the girls were very interested in the reason why. You would think trading vehicles would not be a big deal to them but it was. Once we explained the reason why they were tine but they just wanted an explanation. They are way more preceptive than I ever realized. Hopefully this will help anyone reading with young kids to be more cognistant of how you handle yourself and how you and your wife interact with each other.

All for now! Have a great day and I wish you all peace.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,560
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Well we had a great time camping, the girls had an awesome time! They even cried when we left so I knew I had done good. Took a lot of pictures and made incredible memories. They are already asking when we can go back.

Then this afternoon my W and signed all the refi papers so the house will officially be mine when the loan is funded on Wed. My W then asked me if I would be willing to go look at a condo with her. It didn’t bother me in the slightest. So together we went and picked up our girls and scouted the place out. She asked me for advice and thoughts on it. At times she was acting like we were buying it together which was funny. It was the first time we were together as a family doing something in quite some time and It was really great to have our girls present. Afterwards I asked her if she wanted to get some dinner and discuss further so we did. Again it was nice to have our girls sitting with us as a family eating. I didn’t read anything else into it and took it as an opportunity for our girls to have some family time with mommy and daddy together interacting positively. I guess some may call it cake eating or enabling her to have the best of both worlds but I feel like I am detached enough and emotionally stable to the point to where it has no impact on me. Honestly I still feel an obligation to look out for her best interests and provide what I can to help. I am secure with where the switch is at, am not looking for anything else and did it because to me it felt like the right thing to do. She offered to pay for her meal but I didn’t accept her money. In my mind we will always be a family even though we are no longer together and as the leader I still have a role to play.

It is a beautiful day here today and my girls are now outside playing with the neighbor kids. That brings a smile to my face and I feel like things are starting to come together. I feel at peace.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 723
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I think it's really great that you can spend time together like that. I think it shows your girls that even though you can't live together, they won't lose either one of you.

Keep up the good work.


M:23 T:26
Me:53, Wife: 60
S:18
D:16
filed 7/16
W moved out 4/28/17
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,560
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Thanks Jim....I think it is easier since it appears there is no OM in the picture. I also think that over time these types of meetings will get less and less but who knows? I realize though that I can't predict the future or have any insight into it so I just need to roll with it and not overanalyze it. If nothing else I think it is really great for our kids.

The closer this gets to be final I find the thoughts of initiating a R talk creeping into my head. I am not sure why, I guess it has been so long since it has happened sometimes I wonder if she is afraid to bring them up herself for fear of me rejecting her. At times I feel she is feeling me out to get an idea of what I am willing and not willing to do. IDK. I guess I am finding it harder to continue sitting back, not initiating anything with her and watching the date of D inching closer.

I know doing what I am doing is the right thing but it's hard to hold the line as I see this coming to a close.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
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What would you have to lose by confirming R isn't possible?

I don't mean past R but a future one.

Constantly examining what went wrong might be different from what might go right.

Those are my views

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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V....I guess at this point in time nothing outside of I think deep in my heart I know she is not ready to have that conversation. While she has shown signs of warming up to me it I don't know that it feels enough for me to initiate a conversation. IDK I guess I need to think about it some more but I see where you are coming from. My mom has suggested the same thing. smile

At the end of the day she would have to be willing to do some work on herself as well. When she first walked out she told me she was broken and would need years of intense therapy to overcome.

When we went out to dinner we sat next to each other (initiated by her) and I did initiate some touching just to test the waters. She didn't pull away, didn't give me dirty looks or acted like it bothered her. However she didn't give me any signs that she wanted it to progress or she wanted anything more.

Warming up...maybe but I don't know about anything else.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 102
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Joseph,

I have followed your journey for the time I´ve been around the forum and wanted to say it´s great to see how you have been able to detach and feeling good about your life even without the wife.
It´s bringing me hope that some day also I will feel the same.

Seems that you have gained your wife´s respect and even if you would not become a couple again, it will make your and your kids life better in the long run.


M: 39 W:39
S: 13 D:9
T: 15 M:14
ILYBINILWY: 5/2016
Separation: 1/2018
OM confirmed: 2/2018
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