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You guys hijack all you want smile. All of this talk about dating got me motivated yesterday to create my first on-line dating profile. Now before you all jump in and tell me it's too early, your right it is. However in roughly one month we go to court and the D will be final so once that is complete and considering we have been separated for almost a year I think I will be ready. I will admit I did a brief search last night and initially I liked what possibilities I saw. My STBXW has just made the biggest mistake of her life and she has no idea how big the fire inside me burns smile

With that said I have rebounded from the engagement ring thing and now I don't really give a [censored]. Just another step in the process. Met some friends out for dinner last night, played basketball this week, got a lift in this morning and got elbowed in the mouth yesterday that did not feel good while going up for a rebound. Not sure what I am doing tonight but my girls have soccer tomorrow so that will be fun. Need to get some yard work done so I will probably tackle that this weekend as well.

I have my girls all next week for Spring Break so I got some fun activities planned for them highlighted by going camping Wed thru Fri.

Saw the STBXW yesterday at open house for our D's school. It was cool, she called me honey once which was funny but outside of that I was as cool as the other side of the pillow. She is a weak individual and my views on her have changed drastically. I really find myself not giving a crap around her any more so while I still DB for myself I no longer watch everything I say and honestly I could really care less what she thinks. She made a comment about getting a boob job with some of her equity proceeds from the house and I just laughed and said stop by when they are healed so you can show them to me. I know it's pursuing but I don't give a flip.

I am really starting to feel what everyone has said along about finding happiness through the pain, seeing the sunshine on the other side of the storm, feeling that sense of accomplishment as I have no regrets about how I have conducted myself and how I have held strong to my vows until the end. I can finally start to see the fog lift.

I have my house, my girls, my two 14 yr old dogs, my friends, my family, my health and finding someone to share my life with would just be icing on the cake.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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Ok, you know it is too early. But your post focuses an awful lot on the STBXW. Which tells me you are no where ready to start dating. Anyone you meet will be simply a rebound and that isn't fair to her (the new GF).

DBing is about taking care of yourself, getting over the hurt, and being in the best place to move forward in a new relationship.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
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Originally Posted By: Joseph9
She made a comment about getting a boob job with some of her equity proceeds from the house and I just laughed and said stop by when they are healed so you can show them to me. I know it's pursuing but I don't give a flip.


Dude that was a great comeback to her comment! Just so you know, my W got them 7 years ago and they are over rated.

I think your ready to date. if you want to date fuching date! It doesn't have to be anything serious. You are pretty close to ware I am at and you are ready to take on the world.

Your W selling the ring, and not wanting the kids on break is a big turn off for me. You are going to get someone way better.

Keep doing what your doing man!

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L....it was a huge, I mean huge turn off for me as well. I see her becoming more and more like her mother every day and her mom is a complete nut job. Selfish, self-centered a real narcissist and you are right I am going to find someone way better and it will probably blow my mind.

You know when someone says something and they act like they are joking there is some truth to what they are saying. If she wants to get them good on her I just wasn't about her to hang that over my head and not step into the conversation. F-that. Do I think she needs them, "no" but if it helps with her confidence then do what you need to do. Overrated, probably not at first smile.....over time I see where you are coming from.

I feel I am getting close....want the D to be final first then I will evaluate where I am at emotionally. I definitely don't want to rush it and just because I meet some ladies out for coffee etc. doesn't mean it has to be serious to your point. I am sure it will be a little awkward at first but at some point in time it is going to happen and how do you know when you are truly ready any way you know?

I have a buddy that I play basketball with who went through the same things as us a couple of years ago. He said it took him about a year before he felt comfortable and when he stepped out he said it was awesome. The funny thing is he told me yesterday that his XW reached out to him and told him she is asking her live in boyfriend to move out because it wasn't working and he said she is starting to contact him more for stupid reasons.

I told him where I thought it was leading to.....he just laughed, smiled and said absolutely no way he was going back because the woman he was currently with was so awesome.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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J - your thread has had some awesome hijacks in the past and it's been fun and deep. Imma put some of my own 2 cents in the pot here.

DonH
I see your points. But lets say a 70 year old wanted to date you and said some $hit like how your generation is just so dumb and doesn't know this music, and this history, and this awesome $hit that got lost blah blah blah.. how would that make you feel? Are you some piece of crap because you're 50 and in a different generation? I doubt that.

It's all about self-confidence and how you carry yourself and what you want out of your relationship. Do I care if someone 10-15 years younger than me likes the same music as I do? Definitely not. But, are they smart, funny, into being fit and having fun, and they find those same things in me that work for them, then why the hell not date someone younger?

If someone younger wants kids and start a family and all of that, be upfront about what your stance is on that and see if it's a deal breaker or not. Whatever! I don't think dating someone younger is a fringe thing - I see it all over the place. It may not be something for you, but it doesn't mean that it's shallow and cannot have deep meaning. I've met some women in their 20s who had their $hit together.

Steve85
Welcome to the forum bro! Looks like you've been on here recently. I appreciate you trynna give J some 2x4s, but you best go read back on his threads before trynna give advice. I am not berating you, but if you knew J's story, you wouldn't have said what you said. I am all for people giving advice to other people, but if your sitch is new, I'd hold off on giving advice and just absorbing everything and sharing what's happening with you.

J - love the comeback comment about the boob job too. lol.


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What M....good to here from ya, I like the silent lurkers smile. Hijack away the more the merrier!

So how are you? How are you progressing? Are you feeling strong and confident? You know you have no reason not to correct??

Initially I thought about just letting the comment go but my brain just kicked in and it came out. I was like F it....I know who I am and I just need to own it. She knows who I am too and I said it from a place of confidence. I know who I am and I am not chopped liver so there ya go and you know where to find me.

I also have this gut feeling that what she has done is really going to hit her when I put myself out there and start to date again. I don't know why I have that feeling but I just do. I could be wrong but for some reason I feel it.

I have not put my dating profile out for public viewing but my current age limit has been set to 35. If I follow AS I need to lower it down to 25 smile


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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Things are good J. I'll update my thread soon.

I can just picture how you might have said it and be a baller.
It's definitely going to hit her, whether she shows it to you or not. All that $hit they thought you didn't have to offer, now other women will all over that.

Well, follow AS's logic and bring it to 25. Just might be fun to see what happens with that and who is out there. You have to share your dating adventures here when you dip your toes in. I am still a few months out from that reality, so will need some pointers wink


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I will share......creating a profile was harder than I imagined. I felt some pressure. I still have to add some pictures so it's not public yet however I did make it public for a few minutes and took a brief look at some of my possibilities and I liked what I saw smile.

Writing the profile also gave me some confidence as well....I mean there is no reason why any of us should not be confident if we have put in the work. Right???

Then I started to think a little deeper last night about one of the books I recently read that talks about your sex rank. Essentially if your spouse has a perceived higher sex rank than you your going to be in trouble. It's all about emotions, it's all about creating that dynamic between you and your spouse or you and a new partner. Once your spouse gets that view of you it's very hard to turn the ship. It's not a speed boat its like turning the Titanic. Especially in our culture where we place a high priority on personal appearance.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
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Thanks M. I am finding that helping others is helping me in my sitch. I've avoided R talks for over 2 weeks now. Maybe I projected a bit there, so Joseph just ignore my above post!


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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Originally Posted By: Joseph
I have not put my dating profile out for public viewing but my current age limit has been set to 35. If I follow AS I need to lower it down to 25


J, You can lower it to 19 if you want but I doubt you will recieve any messages from 19 year olds. Simply because they don't look for 44 year old guys. I dont remember anyone younger than 10 years my junior having even looked at my profile. And I had 1800 women checking it out before I decided to cancel it. Still I have dated a 35 year old (12 years my junior) and also done some foolin' around with a 29 year old.

Age gap relationships are born in real life. And off course they can work out. I do however hope that my 41 year old XW and her 59 year old OM doesn't, though ;-)

My XW also recently had a boob job. I'm going in the opposite direction than you, and will not give her the satisfaction of even looking at her chest.

Stupid mid life women LOL


M:46 WXW:40
T:20 M:13
D3,D8,D10
BD:11/12/16
D:12/14/16
OM confirmed 01/20/17
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