WAW? Would Love Opinions. Part 13

[Maika]

Good to hear about your house situation J. Looks like you got some good information to make an informed decision for your girls.

I second what about being emotionally healthy and being able to express a wide range of emotions. I have slowly been able to do that over time too and still get choked up for my kids.

Good updates man! 2018 is getting brighter.

[TBSakaJ9]

Hey M....for the most part doing well all things considered. Paying a little more for the house then what I would like but staying far outweighed the alternatives. The W is paying for the 1/2 the closing costs so at minimum I will stay a few more years, build up some additional equity and look to sell if I am struggling financially. It does provide continued stability for the girls which is good and I don't feel sad in the place which is cool.

My W was never happy homemaker. I say this in a non judging manner but she was not the type to have a home cooked meal on the table every night, wasn't big on the holidays or birthdays and really valued/wanted her time alone to herself whether it was out with friends or going to a room where the kids were not located to get some quiet time. So truthfully the memories of her and living this magical life in the house are very minimal.

All in all though things are getting easier, should close on the house in the next week or so and then it is just the count down until 4/11 and we go before the judge. While it is very surreal (I still will never understand why this happened) I am very much looking forward to the next chapter in my life and having the house for me and the girls all to ourselves.

I am still hitting the gym 6 days a week, playing basketball 3 days a week, going to church, meeting buddies out here and there for some drinks after work, hanging out with friends and soccer season starts tonight so I am looking forward to watching the girls play. I went out and bought a video camera at lunch so I can record their games, edit them and post them on the team site. That should help keep me occupied as well

[Vanilla]

Joseph

Awesome dad stuff.

Truly your girls are your girls and being a great dad is the most important thing you can do.

I do hope there are lots of hugs for this one great dad.

V

[Jim1234]

That's great news about being able to stay in your home.

As someone on here said, it's not a linear process, some days you're doing great, then you regress a little. We can all relate. You hit some trigger, and bam! on go the waterworks.

[TBSakaJ9]

V......thanks . I got some hugs and kisses last night at soccer so that stirred my emotions (In a good way)

I never really took a deep look at myself before I started on this journey but as I have continued down the path I realized a lot of things about myself. About 2 months after this went down my neighbor came over and he was just lending an ear as I was venting to him, struggling to make sense of it all. He told me that I was a great man, far better than him, and if something ever happened to him he would want his W to be with a man like me. I was kind of embarrassed at first, didn't know what to say (it felt kinda awkward :)) but I drew strength from that as I continued down this path and it helped me realize that I will be ok and that I am a great dad and person.

J....it does feel good to stay. It feels right, hard to explain. It is my D's home, the only one they have ever known and if I have to struggle a bit financially to keep them in it then that is what I have to do. Maybe not forever but at least until things calm down and they get more comfortable with the situation.

The only trigger for me is my girls . My W no longer has that effect. Every time I think about them and the love that I have for them it moves me every time. You see Jim, you just did it to me again

[TBSakaJ9]

Well just found out from the W that she sold her engagement ring....at first she lied but then came clean. It came up because I have insurance on it that gets auto deducted. I just said ok cool you didn't have to lie about it and left it at that. Disappointed but not much else emotion

[KGuy]

Subtract how much you paid for that insurance from the $500 extra on the house. See, the extra difference paid for the house is getting smaller!

No much else emotion o the ring sale says worlds about how detached you are. Excellent!

[TBSakaJ9]

Ha! Yeah good point. Maybe it will be easier than I anticipate

I think my biggest emotion with the ring is disappointment in her, just the feeling of easy she can erase the memory of us together. She loved that ring and to just go sell it for some cash to me just shows how selfish and irresponsible she currently is in this state of mind. I guess that makes me feel a little sad. While my W was never over the top disrespectful with yelling, screaming, etc. it is my belief that it burns inside of her.

I will say though everything this site has taught me and with following Sandis rules has got me to this point of it really not having much of a effect on me.

[AnotherStander]

Finally the biggest factor that an older man has in his favor is that he can now date easily 20 years below him and few people think there is anything wrong with it. So a 45-year-old-man dating a 25-year-old-woman is cool. Which means that a man gets the entire pool of women from 25-60 to date and he can have his pick.

Man have I ever been living this scenario, except the age gap between my GF and me is even more than that. And yes, people think it's cool (except older women, LOL!) And she wasn't the exception, when I started dating, I dated several women that were also in their 20's. That article doesn't mention it but another factor is women in their 40's and 50's that find themselves in the dating pool seem to be really jaded. Maybe it's because they've been burned in previous relationships, but their walls are high and their skepticism runs deep. I started out trying to date in my age group but just could not get anyone to progress beyond texting! They would ask question after question but if I brought up meeting I got never-ending excuses. But the pool of available younger women is huge and many of them actually will not date younger guys. And they wanted to meet right away, many of them I met the same day as first contact. I can't tell you how many stories I heard about immature BF's they ditched because their idea of sex was receiving oral while playing a video game in the living room (no I'm not joking). BF's that wouldn't open a door for them, never complimented them, and never even freakin' paid for a movie or dinner for their GF. Suddenly here comes this older, educated, mature gentleman that flirts, holds doors, pulls out chairs, pays without comment and makes them feel like they are the only attractive woman in the room. Well you can imagine how that goes, it's like handing an ice-cold frosty drink to someone that's been trekking through the desert for days. Of course a lot of young women think dating an older guy is "icky" because of the stigma society places on it. So don't expect EVERY young woman to fall all over herself around you. But a lot more of them do than you might expect.

So how hard is it to date someone with an age gap of decades? Well it's not always easy street but is any relationship? When we're together I don't feel like I'm with someone half my age, we relate on a lot of different levels and have many common interests. Sometimes people stare at us, that's usually my reminder that we are not a "conventional" couple :-) We both have a lot of tattoos and she always has crazy colors in her hair (blonde with purple/ blue/ red tips) so we're kind of hard to miss even without the age difference. I love her to pieces though, we have so much fun and we actually both like the attention so it's all good! We've been talking about the "M" word, never thought I would again but hey, who knows.

Anyway I've preached this before but any of you reading this that feel sad, depressed, alone and that your life is over; I WAS YOU. I really was, I can't stress it enough. I never thought I would date again, or that anything else significant would ever happen. I thought I was on autopilot to the end. But it wasn't my life that was over, it was that PHASE of my life that was over. Just like yours is. But what you don't know is something I didn't either but do now- the next phase is going to blow your mind.

[DonH]

I don't know if this is the appropriate thread to debate this on and I don't want to hijack but I also don't agree - at least not fully - and at least not for me. I'm a few years younger than AS but I could never imagine dating someone in her 20s. I'm not even sure I could do a hookup that young. Let's start with the fact my step daughter is 31. What would she say or think? Now I don't need her approval but I don't think I could argue with her points either. In fact I'd make them for her. Now 20 years younger, perhaps but are we talking a real R here?

What does the average 28 year old have in common with the average 55 or even 50 year old? Does she have daddy issues? I'd certainly wonder. What do we have in common? I remember hearing about a friend of a friend, he's near 60 who took some one older than his own D to the Chicago concert. They had front row seats. She asked him who these guys are!!!!! Flipping Chicago - just fresh into the Rock and roll HOF and still out touring, yet... Is that not a microcosm of the issue?

But much deeper, what 25 or even 35 year old does not want kids? Do I? HEII TO THE NO. How does that work and would I not be robbing her? What does meeting the parents go like? Who got their ARP card first? What about friends? Have a dinner party with her 25 year old couple friends and my 50 year old couple friends? And then marriage? I have several friends who married women in their 20s while they were in their 40s as well as women in their 30s and guys in their 50s. The guys are now in their 70s and the women have all left as 70 and 50 looked way different than 50/30 did.

I just really struggle with all of this. In many ways it's like another discussion going on here about dating someone who is a regular pot smoker. It's not that it's that bad, it's more that it's just not me. Someone I look up to, respect, feel is my equal would not want to do either - smoke pot or date 25 years up or down. It's who we are - or are not.

Clearly I'm different. Not better, not worse, just different. I have no tattoos and don't want any. I've never dated anyone with pink hair, etc. I guess it all comes down to the fact that dating someone half your age works for some, a few. It's just not the answer for the average guy. It's more a fringe thing. It's awesome if it works for two people and I really do mean AWESOME. But to try to say it's a winning strategy for the average 45 year old is like saying on line dating is the best way to meet someone. HARDLY! It works for some but not the masses.

That's my input.