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Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,560
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Quote:
There is your reason. GROWTH! You nailed it, buddy...


I hear ya VAPS....what a price to pay for GROWTH so I better make good use of it!!


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,560
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Well.... I had the house appraisal done today so I should find out tomorrow what it's worth and how much I will need to give my W. My fear is that I won't be able to afford to stay in the house. I don't feel sad being here and personally would rather stay although I know in the future, in my next R, whoever I meet is probably not going to want to live in the same house that my W did.

I guess the biggest reason I want to stay is for my kids. I feel like as they have gone through these changes over the past year they have always had this as their home. In some ways I feel like me being in the house has helped them with getting through this. If I sell it I will be moving to an apartment as well which for me is not the end of the world but then I think about my girls, not having the neighborhood kids to play with and going from my apt to my W's every other week.

I hate it for them....Am I projecting? Does anyone have a read on this?


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 9,227
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J,

I think staying in the M home is great for the kids because with everything changing in the family structure at least their home remains the same. I also insisted that we do not touch their rooms when dividing furniture.

Your W seems pretty reasonable, maybe she will work with you to allow you to keep the family home.

I am with you on not feeling sad about it. It feels great to not have to go through the stress of finding a new home!

My W is so stressed about finding a new home.

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Originally Posted By: Joseph9
I hate it for them....Am I projecting? Does anyone have a read on this?


Joseph9,

I think you're spot-on. My sons were born and raised in my house (my wife and I bought it shortly after we married). They love the house and the neighborhood. Keeping the house was important to me because I knew it would provide some stability for my sons during a difficult time.

I was very lucky. During mediation, I discovered that my wife didn't co-sign on the bank note so I didn't have to refinance the house. There's more to the story, but needless to say, it was a good day for doodler.

I hope you're able to work something out with your wife. I think it makes a big difference for the children.

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Ok cool,, thanks guys. I didn't think I was too far off. The kids rooms are still intact as they were when the W left. She went out and bought new stuff for their rooms in her apartment.

I think she we will work with me but I am going to need to get creative. I have enough money in the 401 to cover but she wants cash on hand to pay off debt and to have some money in the bank.

My mortgage guy is checking with the title company to see if her name is on the loan if it is I think the only way to get her off of the loan is to refi. If I have to go that route maybe I can get around refi-ing all of her portion of the equity.

I was fine going to an apartment until yesterday. It was a beautiful day outside and after we got home from church the girls went outside and played with the neighbors all afternoon. They rode bikes to the park and it just reminded me of how it would really stink if we had to move. They still call our house their home and they refer to the W's apartment as such.

If she won't budge and I have to refi half the amount it is really going to be a struggle.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 723
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Have you talked to your kids? They are a bit young, yet, but mine were very understanding about the possibility of moving, and very supportive. I was lucky in that I was able to stay in the house, and happy that I was able to provide some stability and security for them, but they both said that I didn't have to, and they would understand.

One thing I was able to do was refi with the same loan (term and amount), in a package that eliminated all of the closing costs. It just basically restarted the same loan seven years later. I'll have to pay her half the equity out of other assets.


One thing, though, is to be careful about which assets you give her in the D. If you give her all cash and equities, and are credited the same amount in your retirement account, when you cash out your retirement, you will be taxed at around 30%, whereas your W will only be taxed at the long term cap gains rate of around 10%, so you will have given her almost 20% more after tax money than you received.


M:23 T:26
Me:53, Wife: 60
S:18
D:16
filed 7/16
W moved out 4/28/17
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Hi Jim the current plan was to split the house 50/50, split the 401 50/50, we would not touch our pensions (they are almost equal in value) and the money set aside for the kids would not be touched.

Depending on the amount of equity we have in the house I was going to propose to her that I give her a specific dollar amount of the equity and I would make the difference by giving her a larger portion of the 401.

This way it would reduce the amount that I need to refi and hopefully put me in a position financially to keep the house.

If it was just me I would sell the house, take my portion of the money and take a vacation smile. I am struggling with the decision though due to my kids.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 1,167
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Hi J9,

I just wanted to pop in and say hello. You have such an active thread so I may have lost track of some of it. I am sorry to hear about the pending D and possibly losing your home. That is hard stuff. Really though, I only see good things for you. You are a model DBer, a wonderful dad, and you have handled your sitch so elegantly from day one. I have no doubt that one day you will meet a lovely woman who can truly appreciate you the way you deserve.

Blu


“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
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J9, I maneuvered hard to keep the family home for my kids. I want them to have some stability in their lives. I worry about affording it in the long run, but I know if I want it enough, I'll find a way to make it happen. If not, I can sell it all on my own, at my own pace.

I was able to buy my XW out of the house by subtracting her equity (50% of shared equity) from the amount she owed me from her 401k.


Me-47,XW-43
S13,S16
M:18
BD:4-23-17
W filed:7-17-17
(5 months of in-house separation hell)
W moved out:1-6-18
D granted:2-15-18
Decree signed:3-29-18

Your future is out there. Go find it.
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