New LBS - need advice, part deux

[marina7]

Apothem,
Yes I believe you, I honestly believe all LBS on here truly are in love with W/H. I am going on on a Year on April. Right after spring break literally we had an amazing time and this time around W through me a birthday party and wrote me a beautiful letter. I now look back and ask myself was this W last hoorah with me and kids as she knew she was exiting this marriage well let's say the family because my W walk out on me and kids for the first 3 months W even went M-I-A I was scared to call her but was worry so Text are you alive W said only YES. And then to find out she was traveling with OW to places we plan.

Am so glad I found this forum I have to say it feels like home as crazy it sounds I feel like am not alone or going crazy with the things W do. I see all of us W/H have the same patterns. I thought my W was the only W that abandon her kids or pick which kid she wanted and when I seen someone on here did the same thing with 5 kids I felt like I was not alone.

There's day I feel my world is crumbling I feel like what's the purpose and days I hate W and other days I feel so sorry for W because I can't imagine the turmoil W going through I just wish I could save W. But I know I can't all I can do is protect my kids from this Allien.

When ever you feel so down or you feel your going crazy read on here. Before surgery I would run in the morning I stop running over 10yrs ago now am at it agin after that run I would read for like an hr on here and honestly it made me feel a little better but some days worse and on those days I won't read. Therapy has saved me too I go twice a week and of course church. When days got dark I would get on my knees and pray.

I know we don't wanna here this but our chances of our W coming back is very little now you have to live life without W and if she comes back just know is going be hard work. I honestly thought at the beginning I could take W back now I say I wouldn't I could not imagine living in fear W will do this again W and I never question when going out now I'll be living in fear. So I couldn't do that to me or kids.

Another way the therapist said to me was if you get back with W your abusing your kids I said how my therapist replied emotionally your letting your kids be abuse is like your allowing your W to abuse them when she put it that way I knew my job is only to protect them and thats my job now. So I guess when there is kids involved is no longer what we want we have to take care of the little people.

Hang in there hun. And remember
A day at a time that's all we can do.

[joejoe1]

Apothem,

Like Marina7 said the best thing you can do now is protect your child and work on getting healthy. LBS have become sick emotionally because of BD and learning of an A.

While/when we work on ourselves we gain strength and can take logical approaches to our sitches.

I was listening to TD Jakes one day and he said GOD won't take away the pain. We can ask all we want, but the pain is a remainder, so we remember never to go down those roads again. The only way to lessen the pain and eventually heal from the pain is thru the pain.

He also said, life is full of messes, and to get to the progress we must go thru the process. Let the process work for you. It's no way around it. Pick your head up, open your chess and put one foot in front the other and take it one day at a time.

Trying to predict tomorrow is fruitless and worrying about yesterday is too painful, enjoy the present because it's a gift.

The one thing about BD is we as LBS get a lot of help and learn a lot about ourselves and learn we are not alone. We develop habits that Will last us a lifetime.

Onward and forward.

[apothem]

Well, my curiosity got the best of me and I looked at her search history today on her old computer. Her account is still logged in so everything is current and up to date.

She's been looking up if an o+ woman can conceive a child with an o- man. She also searched how to permanently delete her Facebook and her Google Photos account (because we have a lot of stuff there together). It appears she's almost been living a double life and obviously hasn't been honest with me.

I have no idea what to do right now. I'm so full of emotions and torn down. All of those search queries are consistent with her previous ones. I feel so betrayed...I'm honestly panicking right now.

[MoveFrwd]

I have no idea what to do right now. I'm so full of emotions and torn down. All of those search queries are consistent with her previous ones. I feel so betrayed...I'm honestly panicking right now.

You said this the other day

I'm continuing GAL and my 180s, the prospect of my wife having an affair hasn't changed anything for me

So, I dont think this should really change any of your actions. Just try to stay calm and keep focused on what your goals are.

[apothem]

Yeah, I'm really trying. It was just a massive punch to the gut seeing her looking up conceiving a child, etc.

[MoveFrwd]

Yeah, I'm really trying. It was just a massive punch to the gut seeing her looking up conceiving a child, etc.

Sure. Im not denying that it [censored]. And it hurts for now. But also who knows. Maybe shes just looking at what kind of birth control she needs. I would say that you know now that shes in some kind of other relationship.

How does that change what your interactions will look like?

[apothem]

I'm not going to be Mr. Friendly anymore. She doesn't deserve it.

I just hate that you think you know someone, when they are someone entirely different. I can't comprehend how someone can do that to the person they say they love most.

Based off of all of her search history, this isn't a case of birth control. I wish it was, but sadly, that's not the truth.

[apothem]

So I identified the man she's having an affair with. It's one of the managers at her work, he's 43 years old and married. My wife told me a story where there were rumors of a relationship involving him and one of the younger girls circulating last year or so.

She brought it up a few months ago because she said a rumor started going around her store several months ago that my wife was his girlfriend because they always talked at work, etc. At that time, I was none the wiser.

She said she had to stop the rumors so their jobs would be secure. Nothing back then clicked, but it all makes sense now. I spent a considerable amount of time talking to my mom tonight who offered great advice on moving forward.

I'm going to continue GAL and my 180s and focusing on myself and my son. This does not alter my plan forward, other than the fact I will be filing for divorce ASAP to minimize any potential loss of property, etc.

[apothem]

It seems this guy has a history of doing this to younger women and just so happened to find himself to my wife. They've been in constant communication (she's on my phone plan) sending messages, pictures, etc. back and forth.

I have a feeling things aren't going to work out between them.

[marina7]

Apothem,
Being here for almost 11months when a W/H suddenly say ILYBNILWY is because they met someone and if they work usually the om or ow is a co-worker. And trust me you going want to contact higher up your gonna wanna go to the job and confront them both your going want to contact his wife... your going want to do alot of things all I can say is.

No No No No... don't do anything don't give her the best of you. Protect yourself and your S and financially. You Already know the worse part she having an Affair now is time for you to say I won't be option B.

A DAY AT A day at a time