I know what I'm going to get as answers from this... What if W is telling the truth? What if she had adopted to being something she is not b/c she assumed I wanted her to be something else? And then she just got fed up to it? I really do think the same that there was always that little something missing. What if it was the fact that she wasn't what she really is? Last summer when she was more "her real self", I was happier than ever, I felt like I fell in love with her again. That is the hardest part.
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
Yes you are going nuts. All part of the process. You'll be asking yourself a lot of stupid questions and give yourself all sorts of stupid answers. It's normal. But it will pass with time.
Like Cadet wrote in his original post to you. Trust none of what she says.... Your W is probably more confused than you right now, so do not assign any meaning to what she say and do.
M:46 WXW:40 T:20 M:13 D3,D8,D10 BD:11/12/16 D:12/14/16 OM confirmed 01/20/17
Your physician can prescribe something, if you can't sleep. Have you tried over the counter sleep-aides? Dramamine is for motion sickness, but it makes you very sleepy, and it is over the counter.
Remember what I said you would be experiencing for a while. Currently, you are doubting youself. You are replaying all the stuff she's said, over and over in your head. Next, you'll start beating yourself up b/c you'll buy into all the gas lighting things she told you...........if you don't stop it. Be your own best friend, Petri. Don't let yourself believe WW propaganda.
Another couple of books to add to your list: 1) Co-dependent No More, 2) The Superior Man
You are going to be just fine, Petri. You will get through this rough time, and you will come out being better than ever.
The board has had so many people to leave without us knowing whatever happened. However, we have seen several who did not stay in their M's to drop by to tell everyone they couldn't be happier, and they wanted to encourage those who felt there was no life after D. I'm not saying you will or won't go through D. I'm saying that there is life either way.
I don't want you to leave us, okay? You are very valuable to us, and to your family & friends. Not shutting yourself off from others, and making yourself get out of the house and go places will help you get through the bad times. Don't give in at moment of weakness and call your W. That would be mistake. Do you have a close male friend you can talk to sometimes?
One more thing. I talk a lot about male strength. My hero, which was my father, was the strongest man I've known. I saw him go through some really tough times. I thought he was courageous. I also discovered that when he grieved, he often cried in private. I doubt very many people would have thought that about him, b/c he was known as being a man's man. I guess what I am trying to tell you, is to allow yourself time to grieve, and even cry if it helps. (Just do your crying in private). And bear in mind that this feeling will not last forever. Things do get better.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I'm not leaving you. I couldn't do that after all the help I've gotten. Right now I'm in the zone of blaming myslef for going for her gaslighting. I have no trouble to go about without calling or texting W. All I have to do is picture sandis words SHE'S HAVING AN AFFAIR! I know we are separated and therefor it quite ok to have OPs. But that helps me so don't take that away from me by saying what I just stated!
I have a few male friend that I can confide in. But only one who I can talk to without him demonizing and talking s$it about W. I don't want to trash talk W. No matter what she has done. She is lost right now and she is doing all of this b/c she believes everything she does is right.
I'll be adding thos books to my list.
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
W texted me on saturday. She thanked me for everything. Said that she has learned alot about herself during this S/D. And that she is still in the process with herself.
I asked a clarifying question. Does she mean the process she talked in the very beginning? She is lost with herself, as a woman.
She replied yes, that too.
So that brings me to the question is this more MLC/other personal/age crisis than WW? I know it doesn't change anything.
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
So that brings me to the question is this more MLC/other personal/age crisis than WW?
If I told you it was MLC would it make you feel better? I think many people here feel if they can label it then they can understand it.
Doesn't change anything. If you want your W back show her you are done with her BS cheating (don't sugar coat it she cheated) ways and start assembling a life that is fuching awesome for you and your kids. Then maybe in the future she earns another chance to be with you.
You are suffering right now because you are not able to accept the reality of your situation.
