Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 4
#2778945 02/17/18 07:07 AM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 259
B
black8 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 259
Any advice is appreciated. What is the best way to interact with WAW in in house separation when she ignores you but not others in conversation?

Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
Welcome to our little world. I'm going to be posting some homework for you to read over.

You will discover that we utilize the same advice/suggestions, etc. for the WAW as we do for the MLCer. That advice includes: leave them alone, give them plenty of space and keep the focus on you and your family. If your wife is ignoring you, then stop attempting to communicate w/her. If she wants to talk to you, she'll do so. The more you try to communicate w/her, the more she's going to do the opposite of what you want. She knows that she's driving you up the wall by ignoring you, so do the opposite. When she sees that you aren't bothered by her behavior, she very well may start gravitating towards you.

How about giving us some additional info on your situation?


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
Welcome to the MLC Forum. You will meet people who are at various stages of dealing w/the fallout of their spouses being MIA. I am going to post below, Cadet's Welcome Posting. Please read the links and then come back and ask questions, if you should have any.

Welcome to this board.

The first thing you should do is be sure to read the Divorce Remedy book by MWD,
Divorce Busting is also an excellent book.
http://www.mcssl.com/store/mwdtc2014/
http://divorcebusting.com/sample_book_chapters.htm

Michele's articles
http://www.divorcebusting.com/articles.htm

Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.

It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.

Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.

You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support)

I have read a good deal of books on the subject and can give you some suggestions when you are ready.

Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.

I will give you a bunch of homework assignments to read.

This POST is under reconstruction and we will be working on this as time goes by, this is the most current version.

I would start with the going dark link.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=50956#Post50956

Abbreviations
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2553153#Post2553153

Detachment thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2537289#Post2537289

Resources thread(last post only)
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2592296#Post2592296

Things you should know as the LBS
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2701017#Post2701017

Stages of the LBS
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1964990&page=1

Validation
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=191764#Post191764

Doormat Tactics
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1942444#Post1942444

Standing vs leaving
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1966340&page=1

Pursuit and Distance
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2483574#Post2483574

Musings from AmyC
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2253741#Post2253741

MLC Signs
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2177869#Post2177869

The Final Stages Withdrawal to Acceptance
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2074403&page=1

Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.

I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources.
You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.

Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!

Believe none of what he/she says and 50% of what he/she does.

I would not ask him/her anything unless you can have no expectations.
Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure.
You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your H/W as controlling or pressure.

Lets not worry about him/her. Lets work on you!
Start your homework assignments.
Something to DO while you are on moderation.
GAL.
Eat, sleep, exercise and take a deep breath.
In general take care of your self first.

Detach the single most important thing to DO.

Your H/W has given you a gift
THE GIFT OF TIME
use it wisely

Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon
_________________________
Me-63, D30,S29


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
Here's a link from Newcomers' that may be helpful to you.

Sandi2's 37 Rules #2


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 259
B
black8 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 259
Thank you for all the great information. Been on the site before and read Michele’s book, implementing LRT, which has been effective. WAW and I have been married since 2014, and this is our second separation. First was for 3 months in 2016 while she was pregnant with our second. I have 2 from previous marriage and WAW has been a fabulous step mom. Second separation happened in August 2017. We spend time apart as my kids from previous marriage live in different state. Things have gotten better over the past few months, but slowly. Some days she is interested in having conversations, which is why I start to dialogue with her, and other times she is cold and rude to me. We continue to make future plans together like vacations, and I stay at the house for a week per month to spend time with the kids. We live with her parents who are stuck in the middle of the whole situation. Hope this helps explain things.

Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 259
B
black8 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 259
Thank you for the links. Read through them and they will be good references to go back to. I am at the stage of forgiveness, which is sooo hard.

Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
You stated that you were on this site before...as a member or a lurker? If you were a member, I'll try to find your last posting.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 259
B
black8 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 259
Just looking previously. I also have a DB coach.

Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 259
B
black8 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 259
Was just looking before.

Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
So, you had a DB Coach previously, that means you most likely had a thread going. Do you want me to try to find your last thread and post the link here? It would be helpful to the readers to know more about your situation and if you are a "repeat" poster, then the old threads help us more than you think.

Also, you are on moderation for a couple of days, which means that when you post, a moderator has to approve your postings.

Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 4

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard