And still struggling

[Verum]

I would send her a copy of the notice you received and let her fix the error. I would also just keep paying the child support until June 2018 when he does graduate. It's the right thing to do.

[NicoleR]

Jim, since it's an issue related to your son I'd tell her.

[AnotherStander]

I'm thinking since I suggested this in lieu of refinancing for the balance plus half the equity, I should do the right thing, and get her the money from our mutual funds. What are your thoughts?

My thoughts are it's a legal question. I do agree with you that what is hers is hers, but as off-the-rails as she is you want to make absolutely sure this isn't going to come back to bite you. At this point I would assume that if there is any way for her to turn anything to her advantage against you even if it involves lying/ cheating/ stealing, then you should assume she will attempt to do so and protect yourself accordingly.

I'm in a bit of an ethical dilemma. I know she made an error, and it's not my responsibility to fix that error. But should I tell her of her error anyway? I don't know how big a deal it will be to have her fix it before the court order changes, versus after the change has taken effect. I mean, "how big a deal it will be, for me". For her, I don't care. That's her problem, she should have been more careful when she filled out the paperwork....

Thoughts?

It's not an ethical dilemma. Personally I would just let it go, don't worry about it. It's just a piece of paper, what you choose to pay is unrelated to it. You don't have to discontinue paying support just because of that piece of paper. You can of course continue to do so. My two daughters are well over 18 but my XW and I continue to split costs now and then when something comes up.

[artista]

i would just tell her... it is the kind thing to do, and it is the right thing to do...

[Jim1234]

Thanks all for your inputs. In the end, I had to email her about a few issues (S18's birthday, home equity payoff, etc), and included the child support issue as well. The email wasn't accusatory or inflamatory in any way, so it should work out all right.

[Jim1234]

I don't know what to think... I haven't heard from her at all regarding the mistake she made on the child emancipation paperwork, or the mutual fund distribution as compensation for her half of the home equity. In fact, the only contact she's made was to forward a picture of D16.

I don't think I am going to bring it up. I've brought it up once, and don't see any good coming out of doing so again.

[Jim1234]

I got some texts from W about S and D, but nothing really meaty, or mentioning the child emancipation paperwork. All very conversational, nothing contentious.

She's going away for a few days to help her mom, and I expect we'll talk about the financial issues when she gets back.

If she hasn't had a change of heart by now, I don't think it's going to happen, so I think during the discussion about financial issues, I will bring up a draft settlement agreement she sent me 6 months ago, and suggest we move forward.

[Jim1234]

Tax time, and I am just wondering how you all are going to handle filing. I stand to get a pretty good refund if I file separately, but will run the numbers both as "single", and "married", and see what the results are.

I suspect the answer will be similar, since I get to write off alimony, and don't have her income. But if filing jointly nets more, how do most separated couples deal with any refund? For round, easy numbers, say I would get back $10,000 filing single, and we'll get $15,000 filing married, but she only paid a total of $3000 in tax, and if she filed as head of household, she'd get nothing back. How would others file and/or divide up that refund?

thanks

[Verum]

I am going to be doing our taxes soon, and I was going to suggest proportional division based on income. I think it is fair. In my case it is close to 50/50. In your case it seems your income is much greater so you should get more of the benefit.

[Holding]

Jim, my XW and I agreed to split the tax refunds evenly (50/50) for last year. She makes more than me so I guess this is a win for me. Realistically, if you're still married (at least in my state), the tax refund is a community asset.